The Laidlaws

Happy Nearly New Year! =)

2011-12-30T18:46:00.002-07:00

Hello Friends and Family!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday! As is somewhat of a tradition with me, sending out Christmas cards or a Christmas email was an intention, but it just didn't happen! Life is busier than ever these days! But it's also fuller and more rich than ever. I thought I'd put a little update out there for folks to read...if you wanna. =)

The biggest highlight of this year was the birth of our beautiful little daughter, Kara Lynn, in late February. Although I guess I shouldn't say little...she was 10 lbs at birth! She arrived quite hastily, waiting only 10 minutes after Ryan and I made the mad rush to the hospital! (That is quite a story...) She has been a light in our lives and an absolute joy. It goes without saying that we all just adore her, and having a little girl is so incredibly fun for me! Her older brothers are so engaging and sweet with her, and surprisingly they aren't too rough with her...most of the time. =) Kara has a gorgeous head of red hair, which has delighted us all since the moment she was born. Her fun little personality emerges more every day, and we love that she has a little bit of feisty-ness, just as a redhead should! She is now 10 months old and always so much fun to watch...she army-crawls at top speed, loves to bop and "dance," and is now starting to try and pull up on things. We can tell it won't be long til she's cruising along furniture and walking. It's amazing to think that in just a matter of weeks she will be turning 1 year old! She is growing up much too fast, as children tend to do.

Our little Jacob is now a bit more than two and a half, and he's becoming more of a little boy and less a toddler every day! He is all boy and loves cars, trucks, trains, planes, and dinosaurs. He is so much fun and so stinkin' cute, despite the fact that a bit of the "terrible twos" are finally starting to kick in. Even when his mischievous, naughty side comes out we often have a hard time not laughing at his antics! He is definitely developing more of a stubborn streak and a determination to get what he wants, and we can't say there is a lack of brotherly fighting that goes on between him and his older brother. But they love each other and have a lot of fun playing together...hearing them laugh together in their room is one of the best sounds ever! =) Jake is a very affectionate little boy and we love that he is always giving or asking for hugs and kisses. Even though he's not the baby of the family anymore, he still gets doted on quite a bit! =)

Thomas is almost 5 and a half and has morphed into a full-fledged big kid! He started kindergarten this year, and even though he's a summer baby and one of the younger kids in his class, he is super tall and stands about a head above all the other kids! He has loved being in school, and even over this Christmas break he has talked about how he's excited to go back. He's learning so much all the time and we are amazed when we watch him, once our first little baby, now learning to read, write and do math! He's a social butterfly and always talkative...he's rarely shy and always has something to say to anyone he meets! He always keeps us laughing with his silly and clever remarks. He is also a big help to his mom now that he has two younger siblings!

I've spent the year learning how to be a mother to 3, and it has certainly been more work than I've ever done in my life! But I've adapted and even though life is always busy and more than just a little crazy, I'm happy to say our transition to being a family of 5 has gone well. Carving out time for myself is difficult these days, but I'm always trying to find a few minutes here and there to do things I enjoy. I love photography and have a fabulous camera that I received as a gift from Ryan last year. I spend lots of time using it to capture photos of our beautiful kids, and I'm always learning more about photography and trying to improve my skills. It's been awhile since I've done much singing, but this summer I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone (WAY out!) and sang in a local contest, just for kicks. I didn't win or anything, but it was a lot of fun and a total thrill to be up on a stage again! I remembered just how much I love performing and I hope to push myself to do more things like that in the year to come. Overall, I'm really just a big homebody, and some of my favorite times are just watching movies after the kids are in bed!

Ryan has kept quite busy at work, as always, and we are grateful that his drywall contracting company has continued to have plenty of business. He works incredibly hard to make sure of that! Besides work, he's been keeping up with his favorite things like snowboarding, motorcycling and now he's getting certified in scuba-diving for an upcoming family vacation to Hawaii. It's a good thing he's certifying with his brother because I am way too chicken! Ryan is definitely the adventurer of the family! He is an awesome daddy to our 3 kiddles and he is particularly smitten with our first daughter...which is so fun for me to watch! He loves to rough-and-tumble with the boys and they go running to him when he walks in the door every day. He is also a big help to me with the added work that comes with our growing family...I can definitely say he does the dishes more often than I do, and he is a really, *really* fabulous cook!

Ryan and I also celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this month! We didn't celebrate with a lot of fanfare (Yet! Hawaii in April!), but the family we have created together over the last decade is our greatest anniversary gift possible, and our truest source of pride.

10 years of being a family has passed so quickly! There are ups and downs all along the way, but we can decidedly say that we are greatly blessed in our lives. We are so grateful for our healthy, happy, beautiful children, our wonderful parents, siblings and extended families, our home, our steady job, and most especially, for the gift of Christ in our lives. Even after Christmas is over, Christ's light continues to shine, brighter than any in the world, and His love and sacrifice are the greatest gifts we have ever received. We wish you all a spirit of light and love in your lives, and we hope the coming year will be your happiest and most fulfilling yet!

Love,

The Laidlaws

No Longer Missing In Action...For Now! =)

2011-12-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

So I've logged my record longest absence from blogging...almost a year! I can honestly say I've considered giving it up entirely, since it's often hard to squeeze in time when there are always so many other things I have to get done. But, going back through and reading old posts I've written, I've remembered how much I enjoyed it! So I'll see what I can do about getting back into it. No promises though! =) I did have a couple of posts I wrote months and months back that for some reason I never posted...so I thought, better to post late than never! =) Those are below. I'm also working on a little end-of-the-year family update for all ya'll to read. Didn't get one done before Christmas, but a Happy New Year's letter works too, right? If you know me, you know that punctuality is definitely *not* my strongest suit! =)

Flashback: A Late Announcement (Written 4/27/11 and Previously Unposted)

2011-12-29T16:56:00.004-07:00

A very, very long overdue and very important and wonderful announcement:

My sweet baby daughter, Kara Lynn Laidlaw, came into the world on the morning of Sunday, February 27th, at 5:55 am. She was 10 lbs 1 oz and 20.5 inches long. Perfect, healthy and beautiful, with a full head of reddish/auburn hair that we absolutely adore! It's very close to my same color and I'm so delighted that she has that little piece of me. =)

Of course most everybody knows about her arrival already, but I couldn't pick up blogging again without making the announcement official here first. She has been a joy and a blessing. It is certainly an adventure learning how to handle a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler all at once, but I'm surprised at how well I've been able to handle it all! I'm no supermom mind you, but I've been able to manage the chaos better than I expected.

So today my baby girl turned 2 months old. There's no getting around saying it --- time is flying. She looks so different and has grown and changed so much. She's so sweet and really quite simple in her tinyness. Compared to her brothers her needs seem so basic and easy to take care of. No disciplining, no breaking up fights, no trying to entertain or any of that. She just needs to eat, sleep, do her diaper duty, and get some snuggles and loves. That's it. I'm trying to enjoy this time when she's so new, but of course with 2 older kids it's harder than it's ever been to slow down and soak in the sweet tinyness of a newborn. And now she's not even really a newborn anymore! Before I know it she'll be crawling, walking, running, talking. I look at my older children and know its true. I look at my firstborn and marvel that he's almost 5, almost a kindergartener, learning to read and write. I look at Jacob, who such a short time ago was my little baby. Before Kara arrived I used to say I had a heart time knowing he wouldn't be my baby anymore. Sure enough, when Kara was born, he seemed to become such a big boy to me all of a sudden. It almost broke my heart a little that he seemed to change in my eyes so quickly, that he lost his position of being the youngest, the littlest, the baby. It's the way life goes. But giving up seeing your babies as babies, even to another of your babies, is hard.

Anywho...I should hie me to bed. I've had so many things running through my mind lately that I'd really love to start writing/blogging again, but we'll have to see if I can make room in life to get them down. I hope so.

I love my baby girl and I'm excited to finally have a sweet little daughter. Welcome to life sweet Kara!

Flashback: Man, My Boys Are Handsome!!! (Written 2/22/11 and Previously Unposted)

2011-12-29T16:30:00.003-07:00

Really though. I know every mother is prejudiced when it comes to her own children, but seriously...

You can't deny it. =)

Lately I've been so busy trying to get things done before this baby girl comes, that I fear these adorable boys of mine don't get enough attention from their mommy. When my nesting instincts are in full swing I start to feel a little crazy...my mind is racing a million miles a minute with my to-dos, and my very-pregnant-and-not-too-agile body lags behind in accomplishing those tasks. Plus my normal night-owl power is fading....nooooo! The battle of my mind vs. my body drives me nuts! I'm really on countdown now and this little girl could choose to make her arrival any day. But, I'm trying to spend more time being with my little boys before their world gets really turned upside down.

I'm not that great at it, but I'm tryin'.

Right now their cute little noggins are off in dreamland, so I gotta get offa here and go do stuff!

But I had to post a couple shots of them. I hope to find a chance to sit down and write a few of their goings-on before their little sis arrives. They are growing and changing at lightning speed, as always. Jacob is saying new words all the time (A current favorite: Iron Man!). I registered Thomas for Kindergarten a couple weeks ago (WHA???).

Boy do I crazy love my boys.

Crazy love is a good description...love them, but they make me *crazy*!

(I just try to remind myself that I'll miss the craziness someday.) =)

It Flies It Does

2011-01-25T23:59:00.003-07:00

Today my baby Jake is exactly 21 months.

I realized earlier that means he'll be two years old in just three months.

Two years old?

*TWO*???

I wish there was a new way to phrase it that hasn't already been used, but honestly, where has the time gone?

I still remember driving to the hospital when I was in labor with him. (A little scary then. Pretty funny now. It involved a phone call from Ryan to his Mom, a nurse, to ask what to do in case he had to deliver our baby on the side of the road.)

I still remember the quiet hours in the hospital room, just he and I playing lullabies for my new little Jacob, admiring at his sweet face, and even what the light coming through the window looked like.

I remember all the insecurity of being a new mother of two, trying to figure out how to take care of two little ones, how I had to learn to accept the fact that I couldn't (always) do two things at once! The anxiety I felt when I had to leave the house alone with both boys for the first time...how it didn't go so well and I thought "How will I ever do this? How do other mothers ever do this?" (Still looking for answers to that one, but the one answer I have come up with: Just embrace the chaos.)

But in all the busy-ness of parenting two children, most of the days of these last two years are much more blurry than I would like to admit. They've passed and blurred and faded much faster than I remember them doing with my first child. Though I know its not unusual, I feel guilty about it. That has probably been one of my biggest struggles since becoming a mother of two...the lack of time to sit and soak it all in with your child. I remember with Thomas I would sit holding him for hours when I didn't have to, I would watch him sleeping all the time. I didn't really worry about rushing off the first moment I could to do everything else possible while he slept. I probably took hundreds of photos of Thomas sleeping, whereas I only have a handful of Jacob. I haven't been as good at *lingering* with Jacob, enjoying those moments. I want to remember forever how he looks when he's perfectly peaceful, off somewhere in dreamland. And now, with this third one on the way, my little girl, I can't help but wonder how hard it might me to just sit for a few minutes and enjoy her newness, her littleness, her delicateness. I want to be able to do that with all my kids! To experience all the phases of their lives, without ever being distracted, without forgetting so easily. But I know it isn't possible. I'm only one person, I can't live three lives, four lives! I wish I could.
Jake is my baby.

I honestly struggle a little bit accepting that he won't be my baby anymore, my "littlest," as I sometimes call him.

He'll be a big brother soon.

He'll have to be patient sometimes when his baby sister needs me more.

He won't be my baby anymore.

And very soon, he'll be two.

And it will just go quicker from there. That's the thing about time....it just gains momentum, it doesn't slow up, it doesn't eventually stay steady, it just goes faster.

I've said many times, I hope they have home videos in heaven. Because no matter how hard I try to document my children's lives in this life...and believe me, I try!...I can't possibly capture it all. No collection of photos or videos will ever truly be able to show me everything. I will miss things. I will forget things. There will be funny moments, poignant moments, common but priceless moments, that will fade eventually with the imperfections of human memory.

But I just can't accept that.

So if I can, during life eternal, I will spend days and hours and lifetimes reliving again and again all the sweet (and even not-so-sweet) days of my babies' lives.

The Countdown is On!

2011-01-25T16:27:00.001-07:00

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant with Little Miss Laidlaw.

Wow.

This pregnancy has gone fast, incredibly, oddly fast. I said that about my 2nd pregnancy, but this one is even more speedy. This pregnancy has been particularly interesting also, because, well...

It was more than a third over before I even knew.

Let me just say, Baby #3 has always been "planned"....Ryan and I have always known we wanted at least 4 kids. Maybe 5. (Maybe.) So I will not say this pregnancy was not "planned." It was just....unscheduled. =)

"So....." Someone might ask, "Were your other pregnancies....scheduled?"

Ummmmm....yes. =)

Very much so. We lucked out in the timing department.

But, I didn't expect that to happen with every pregnancy, so I was perfectly happy when in July I suspected and then confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.

The thing was, I had no idea how far along I was. Like...none. I had only stopped nursing Jacob in May, after he turned one, and Mother Nature had not yet, ahem, returned me to my regular course of nature, if yaknowwhatimean. So I had nothing to go off of!

I called my doctor to make the appointment...Dr. Young, my same doc from my first two...and I told them I guessed I was maybe 10 weeks along. But really I had no clue.

I went to my first appointment. My Doc always does an ultrasound at the first appointment.

Well guess what?

According to measurements (or something), he estimated I was already 15 1/2 weeks along!

I felt very surprised and to be honest, a little embarrassed! I had obviously not been in very good touch with my body, or my intuition! I had been having mild nausea, the same I had with my 2 boys, but it did not seem to me that it had been going on that long. And normally my nausea finally peters out at around 16 weeks. So I was almost done!

Of course, being so far along, I couldn't help but wonder....

Could they already tell me the gender?

I asked the doc. He asked if I really wanted to know. Um, YES!!! He teased me, asking if I was sure I didn't want a surprise this time? Um, NO!!! And then he typed "I'm a girl" on the screen.

I was very excited, and, probably a little noisy...you know me. =) But I couldn't help feeling a tad doubtful...I wasn't as far along as one usually is when they have the gender ultrasound. Plus, those were words I had often wondered if I'd ever see...I've often said that I've always had this feeling that I'd end up with all boys. I told my husband that if we never had a daughter biologically we would have to adopt one. Because I cannot go through life without a daughter!!!

Well, I have now had two more ultrasounds, and the tech assured me both times it is indeed a girl. Its a good thing, because I have already been stocking up on girly stuff!

I still can't believe sometimes that I'm having a daughter...it seems surreal to me, almost like its a first-time pregnancy in a way. It will be so different...I've never been mother to a daughter! I'm almost a little scared, because aside from the normal mothering tasks that I've already been doing for 4 and half years, I'll have a new job...I'll be the prominent example to my child, of what she can and will become. My boys watch their daddy, copy their daddy, they want to do all the things Daddy does. I've never had the same responsibility Ryan does in showing and teaching his sons how to be a man. But now, I will be the one to show and teach my daughter how to be a woman! It makes me think a lot about how much better I want to be, and how much better I want her to be than me. Its a very weighty, important responsibility to me and I just hope that I can do it justice!

So here's to 5 more weeks...I'm hoping a tad less. =)

P.S. If I remember, I wanna have Ryan take a baby belly photo of me today, or soon...I haven't taken a single one this pregnancy!

Oh, and Did I Mention...

2011-01-21T01:20:00.002-07:00

I'm pregnant!

Actually quite pregnant!

Like less than 6 weeks away from being due pregnant!

(The whole world knows this already. But no matter how late, a blog announcement simply had to be made!)

I'm going to be a mom of three.

THREE.

(I won't deny I'm a little scared. Okay, kind of a lot scared.)

But I'm excited, truly truly, especially because I have a whole lotta this in my future:

I love my two little boys so much, *SO* much, but I am so happy that I get to be the mother of a daughter!

Prepare to hear a lotta schmoozing about this baby girl in the future!

Hello World!!!

2011-01-21T00:32:00.001-07:00

And Hello 2011!!!

(Wha? Wow. I didn't write a single post for the whole last half of 2010. Go me!)

Well, I've been arguing with myself about it for quite some time.....

To blog, or not to blog?

Because you know, like everyone else on the planet, I am quite bzzzzzzzzzy.

All. The. Time.

And I could easily just erase blogging forever from what I now call my "Infinite To-Do List"...

"One less thing, woohoo!!!"

But you know, I think I miss it...

So, I guess this means I'm starting up again!

(Me to Self: "Good luck with that Darce.")

=)

I Call Him Fatherest

2010-06-21T23:44:00.011-06:00

You know, like "Awesomest" or "Coolest."

My Dad with Jake-Jake at our house on my Mom's birthday.

Hi there Dad!

You may be the very first one to read this in the morning. You, who is usually the one that has to pass news of a new post down to Mom. You, who writes me encouraging little emails when I write a blog post you like (thanks for those, really, they make my day.) I've been thinking for awhile about what I wanted to shout from the rooftops about you...I am one day late, but I most certainly did not forget you on this Father's Day! You know that in recent times punctuality hasn't been my strong suit. =)

World, let it be known that I have an excellent father. My father is so kind and so good. He embodies the idea of patriarch in all the right ways...he is a hard-working, dedicated, loyal, spiritual, good man who leads his family with strength and yet tenderness too. He loves my mother infinitely, I have no doubt he would do anything for that woman...he treats her like his sweetheart and he is always reiterating a piece of wisdom he has acquired in a lifetime of experience (listen up husbands of the world): "Happy wife, happy life." He gave me and my brothers that greatest thing that fathers can give, as the quote goes...he loved our mother. And he continues to do so, strong as ever, 35 years later.

My dad teaches Gospel Doctrine (Sunday School) in his ward. And he loves it. To me this speaks volumes. To me there is nothing more intimidating, more overwhelming than the idea of getting up in front of a gathering of people, many of whom are greatly educated in gospel and scripture, and to confidently deliver and manage a good lesson in Gospel Doctrine. I haven't seen my Dad teach in this most recent calling, but I have in the past, and I can remember and imagine exactly how he is in front of a group of people: comfortable, articulate, engaging, intelligent, and interesting. And, most importantly, full of the spirit. This man loves the gospel and Our Father in Heaven, and he is a great exemplar of Christ. He is a humble man, so he might modestly disagree, to which I would say "Hey dad! Shush! I'm not done yet!" =)

He is also generally a quiet man, but when he is placed among people he has an undeniably gentle charm that is by no means arrogant or affronting. He is charismatic in such an admirably subtle way. I would most certainly call him

a Gentleman.

My dad has always had a talent for teaching, and I'm not just referring to his Church calling or the years he spent as a Junior High School math and science teacher (in Preston, Idaho, at the very school where "Napoleon Dynamite" was filmed. How awesome is that?). I remember many occasions growing up, especially in those dramatic years of my teenager-hood, when some kind of emotional calamity would befall me and I would be lost to the whims of teenaged female drama. (As you can guess, this often had to do with *dumb* boys). On such occasions, the usual parent that came to my aid was my mom, of course. We shared the same hormones, she could understand my feminine ramblings, and it seemed like a natural thing for her to be the one to help me in working through my latest "tragedy." But, my mom and I are highly emotional creatures. At times when my mom and I tried to work through my drama, the emotional quotient would spike and continue increasing exponentially until both of us were left exasperated, upset or depressed. It was at this time that my dad would step in. I usually didn't appreciate it initially. His application of male logic often made me feel he rejected my emotions, that he didn't truly understand or appreciate the feelings I was experiencing. But even in my hesitancy to accept his alternate ways of thinking, I almost always found myself calmed and comforted by the counsel he gave me. It wasn't always easy to accept, oh no. But it was usually very necessary for me to hear, in order to move forward, to take the steps necessary to remove myself from an emotional mire. I don't think I realized it at the time, but my dad was simply trying to teach me to be a strong woman. He wasn't trying to ignore my emotions or act indifferent to whatever I was suffering through...he was simply trying to teach me to make choices that defied negative influences or ways of thinking, to take my life and feelings out of the hands of unworthy, miserable, *dumb* people.

That was one of the biggest lessons I remember being hammered into my head growing up...the concept of "What you give is what you get." That when a person projects positivity into the universe, the universe responds accordingly. So really, choosing to fill up your life with negative thoughts, actions or people is a sad sorry waste, because the universe will eventually just take a poo on you!

Aaaaaaaand we're there.

Sorry Dad.
*Inside Joke*
(Let me just say though, that statement was not planned, I promise it was absolutely spontaneous!)

I'm always working to remember the excellent counsel you gave me through the years Dad, and continue to give. I am certainly not without need of it as an adult...in fact I could probably honestly say I need it now more than ever. I'm so grateful for all you taught and continue to teach me, and for all you did and still do for me. I never realized until I became a spouse and parent myself, just how much hard work and effort it takes to truly be the man of the family. You have done it with grace, unconditional love and, I must say, undeniable patience!

(Especially when it comes to potty humor.)

=)

P.S. To The Husband

I promise I didn't forget you! But man its late and my eyelids are drooooooppyyyyy. And you are always telling me to get more sleep. So, please refer to the schmoopy card I wrote you. I do want to say for the world to know, you are a wonderful father. Our little boys are so lucky to have you for their rough-and-tumble daddy. =)

Backlogged Blog

2010-06-19T17:51:00.005-06:00

I have been SO lazy about blogging for the last while.....sooooooooooo lazy. The weather finally decided to ditch the schizophrenia and summer has arrived, hallelujah! Life is speeding up and I am falling behind...that is, more behind! Its so hard to feel like blogging when at any one time there are approximately 1,274,891 other things I could be doing. And need to be doing! Seriously, my house, its never clean. It approaches clean and I get all excited, and then it explodes again. I even *think* about blogging, its immediately followed by a thought like "Hmmm, maybe I should make sure we have some clean dishes or clothes first." And its so lovely out now, it seems a shame to spend my free time with electronics indoors.

Speaking of electronics...I am psycho. I finally got my first DSLR camera one week ago....*angels singing*...but have yet to even open the box because I'm having second thoughts about the model I chose. (If anyone has any knowledge of photography equipment, I got a Canon T1i, but thinking maybe I want the Nikon D90 instead. Any insight would be wonderful!) I'm doing more research, looking at the cameras in-store, trying to decide whether to exchange mine or not. But either way, I'm excited that I'm finally getting my new "toy" and hopefully soon I will be gracing this blog with fabulous pictorial gems documenting this lovely summer season!

Anyhoo. There was so much stuff from the last few months that I've written nary a word about, like my baby boy's first birthday almost TWO months ago! And now June is two-thirds over!!! Wha?!? Time, seriously, what is it about you, you just don't stick around!

So I'm going to attempt a little catching up. Here I goooooooo.....

For My Mommy (A Day Late)

2010-05-10T21:35:00.010-06:00

(My lovely mommy with one-week-old Jacob during one of those helping-me-get-my-head-screwed-on-after-becoming-a-mother-of-two visits. I think I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straight!)

Hi Mom!

I meant to write this last night.

But guess what? I went to bed!

(I was at my mother's house last night. It was late when we left and before I got in the car she told me to "Go to bed!" when I got home. I am not good at going to bed, even when I very, very, very much should. She knows this and she was doing what good mommy's do..telling us to do what we don't want to do for our own good.)

Okay I confess Mom, I guess I didn't necessarily go to bed...I fell asleep with Tommy while putting him to sleep, and then a crying Jacob woke me up sometime later and I fell asleep in the glider putting him back to sleep. But you know that's a pretty normal night in my book.

But I did not stay up! That's the point. =)

Well no, that's not the point.

This is the point...

This is my version of shouting from the rooftops.

That my mother is wonderful.

I want the world to know how very, very much I love and appreciate her.

(On Mother's Day and always always always.)

My mother is a tried and true mothering expert. She's been doing it pretty much her whole life. No, really. She was born the oldest of 9 children and grew up on a ranch in Montana. (I love telling people that. Just from that you'd know my mom is awesome. I love that I'm half cowgirl.) She was my grandmother's right hand and helped raise my bitty uncles and baby aunts for years before she had her own children. She learned to work hard and she learned how to be selfless for the sake of loved ones much earlier than I think the rest of us do. She is blessed with a particular talent for selflessness, she's an expert at putting other people first. She's TOO good at it at times!

I was my mom's only daughter, smack in the middle of four brothers. Being the only other estrogen-bearing member of our family, I always had an extra little piece of her time and a little place in her heart that no one else did. Growing up I didn't always appreciate what a blessing that was. I know better now.

I always say my mom has a heart of gold. She's sweet, kind, gentle, and so so forgiving. She just wants people to be happy. She's kind to everyone, amazingly kind. She serves people, and she wants to serve people. She is humble. She doesn't always get me and my brother's weird jokes and sense of humor, but I love that about her...She's demure, she's a lady. She is lovely and always looks nice. She says the most sincere (and longest!) prayers I've ever heard. She is faithful and loves the gospel. She is the best housekeeper on the planet (and I don't care what anyone says, including you mom, that is DEFINITELY a talent!).

And my whole life long, she has always praised her children and expressed her love for us openly. That is invaluable. I have come to realize more and more as an adult just how invaluable.

I have been a mother for less than four years and a mother of two for barely a year. I feel like I can barely keep up with my two kiddos most of the time, but yet I am nowhere near understanding all that she did for me and my siblings. The capacity of my gratitude and admiration for her continues to grow daily and I am always trying to find ways to give back to her. And yet she never expects it. She goes on giving and giving and giving and I know she always will. Because she is herself. I don't think she could possibly be happy unless she was giving to others.

Despite all the headache and heartache and exhaustion and frustration and repetition and work and time I imagine it took to raise 5 children (one of whom she is still raising...she has T minus 4 or so years left with my teenage bro), my strongest memory is that she raised us with joy.

And we are her greatest joy still. She tells me all the time, but I already know.

And that is why I am one seriously, seriously lucky girl.

I love you dearly mommy.

I have more I could say, much much more, but...

I have to go to bed!!! =)

And It Wasn't Even Mother's Day Yet

2010-05-09T00:21:00.007-06:00

Its sometime shortly after midnight and I just got home from a night out.

Without the kids.

I love my kids, oh do I, but evenings out without them are a lovely, lovely thing!

Whenever I have those nights I tell myself I really need to have them a tad more often. But then I always forget.

I really need to stop forgetting!

Me and my mom and sis-in-law Amber chowed at Red Robin and then saw Iron Man 2. (Ironically non-feminine for a Mothers Day celebration, right?)

Dinner without children to wrangle and a movie (that just came out) in a theater?

Two very lovely and very rare things.

(And about Iron Man 2, me likey. But it could have something to do with Robert Downey Jr....I got a crush on him way back in high school with "Only You." If you haven't seen it, do. Tony Stark can also play a bumbling, endearing, romantic shoe salesman. And its set in Italy, c'mon now!)

(But ya know, back to Iron Man 2...the "you complete me" snippet from the trailer is not in the movie! That irked me. And Amber too. I don't know why those movie-making-people always decide to cut the best little nuggets from the trailers out of their finished, full-length features! Irked.)

(Anyhoo!)

After the movie we all said g'night, and I even enjoyed making a quick late-night stop to Smith's for a couple things. Alone. Without kids, running inside really quick really was just running inside really quick! And I bought myself a magazine I always want but never buy. Whether I'll find the time to read it is another question, but I felt spoiled buying it anyway!

Heck, the radio even spoiled me. It treated me all the way home with great tunes. I loved that I could turn it up as loud as I wanted during "Hey Soul Sister," "Just Haven't Met You Yet" and "If Today Was Your Last Day." No sleeping babies in the car to worry about, no toddlers begging to watch a movie. ("Hey There Delilah" was in the mix too and it made me happy, even though for awhile there I and the rest of the planet thought that song was getting really old.)

When I got home, it was "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" playing and when I pulled into the garage where Ryan was being manly and working on his dirtbike, I rolled down my window so he could hear it. And then I got out and danced before turning the car off.

I think he could tell I had a good time. =)

And, no tired grumpy babies for me to worry about scooping out of carseats and into bed. They were all tucked in and snoozing soundly.

The night was lovely. Lovely lovely lovely.

(I really like the word lovely.)

And now I'm typing this and listening to Michael Buble.

And eating cookies I bought at Smith's.

My batteries are charged!

P.S.

I can't forget to mention that I got roses too. Yesterday! Fire & Ice, purdy. Thank you darling. I also can't wait to get my Mother's Day gift. The one I've been pining after for quite some time now. Shortly, I will finally be the proud owner of this baby!

Woohoo!!!

Happy Mother's Day all!

A Little Somethin'

2010-04-13T23:48:00.003-06:00

Almost halfway through April, and I haven't blogged once.

(Well, I did, technically, but then refrained from posting. More grumping about the weather. And really, how many posts can I write about the weather?)

(I need to write about Easter. Coming soon.)

But I just wanted to record a cute lil' nugget from this evening, courtesy of Tommy.

(I've been awful at recording the interesting and entertaining thoughts of my going-on-four-year-old lately.)

Tommy's favorite color is red.

Tonight at bedtime he told me, somewhat soberly,

"I wish my bed was red."

I reminded him his bed had some red on it.

Not satisfied, looking quite dismayed,

"Its just white and black."

(He left out blue. His comforter is blue, with construction trucks all over it. And some have red in them.)

He went on,

"I wish my room was red. I wish the door was red. I wish the..."

and so on.

And as I tried to close the door he had quite the grumpy face.

"I'm just mad that everything is not red."

Almost Breaks My Heart

2010-03-29T23:45:00.010-06:00

The one year anniversary of the day of your birth is close. I've said it and thought it again and again and will keep saying and thinking it...I don't know how it can be. You turned 11 months four days ago. I can count on one hand the number of weeks until your first year of life is gone forever.

It is coming too soon.

Much, much too soon.

A year since that evening in the hospital? A year since I first saw your face? A year since I first held you and kissed you and named you and brought you home?

How?

I want to write about you, all about you, one more time before you pass that huge mark.

I haven't been nearly so dedicated at writing about you all these months as I would have liked to have been. There was so much, so much I should have, could have written. But, two little boys makes for one busy mommy! Though not all the memories are in type or on paper, they're all in my mind and in my heart, and they are my greatest treasures.

I lived each day with you and loved you to my heart's fullest, and that's what counts.

You are such a beautiful boy.

So beautiful with your blond hair and your curls. I've let your hair grow and grow and it is becoming quite wild. In the last couple of days you've been mistaken for a girl twice. I should probably consider busting out the scissors soon.

But I am struggling to cut those baby curls off forever.

But,

I know whether I do or not,

1 year gone is coming.

Haircut or no haircut, there's no stopping it.

I am struggling with losing my baby forever.

After 1 year old you will still be a baby,

And yet, not.

That word, "toddler"...I don't know if I can use it to describe you, I just don't think I can bring myself to do it.

But you are most certainly on your way to toddling.

Not that you are walking yet...not quite yet.

Your preferred method of transportation is still crawling. And boy, are you quick! I always seem to underestimate how quickly you will get from A to B. How quickly you will get back to that thing I just took away from you in the room clear across the house that I just carried you out of. (You hate it when I do that.)

Though you're not walking just yet, you are certainly working your way there. Pulling yourself up on things and lowering yourself back down is old hat to you, easy peasy. You cruise along the furniture here and there, this way and that, but you're not cruising circles around the living room just yet...you usually hit all fours whenever you really want to move. There have been a few very brief moments where you've let go of whatever you were holding on to and stood there unsupported for a tiny second before plopping back to the floor. We haven't witnessed you make any attempts at steps yet, at least on your own.

And that is just fine with me.

I am not going out of my way to encourage you to take steps on your own just yet.

I am not ready for you to walk.

I am not ready for you to grow up.

You can take as long as you want, I am in no hurry.

I love it when you crawl toward me, sit up on your knees and reach your arms up for me. Or pull yourself to standing on my jeans and cling to my leg until I pick you up.

That never, ever fails to warm my lil' heart. (No matter how inconvenient the timing might be.)

Being needed by you is always nice.

You are getting your top 4 teeth in...maybe even a 5th or 6th too. Such a cute toothy boy, you. But you grind them! Stop grinding them! I know that little discovery is probably very interesting to you, but dear baby, please stop grinding your teeth!

You wave, and oh its cute, it kills me every time. For awhile your wave was a silly sort of leg-slapping arm motion, but now it really is a wave. You wave when you hear "Hi" and "Goodbye." I will never get enough of it, you can wave at me forever.

More things about you...

The desire of your heart is to get to the bathroom.

So you can get to the bathtub.

You love the bathtub and you love baths.

If the door to the bathroom is left open, and especially if anyone is in the bathroom, you make a beeline to get in there and immediately go to check out the tub. You like to pull yourself up and look in the tub, and you're tall enough that you could just lean over and fall right in! Hence, the reason we keep the door shut. =)

When its bathtime and I sit you on my lap and start to run your bathwater you squirm and struggle like there's no tomorrow to get into the water...it is honestly, physically difficult to keep you from diving in headfirst! Once you're in you splash and splash and make a mess to rival those of your big brother.

(Between the two of you I think more of our bathtowels are used to mop the floor than to dry human bodies.)

Changing your diaper is not a pleasant experience for either of us. You.do.not.like.it.one.bit. You are too busy and you are upset the moment I place you on the changing table. You twist and squirm and cry and protest in every way possible until I finally get your bum covered!

I always joke that you are a scavenger. You find the tiniest, and I mean most miniscule little bits of anything that are on the floor and try to consume them. I try to keep those floors clean, but boy, guaranteed, if there is a crumb or anything bigger hiding anywhere (or some remnant of a snack that your big brother left out and within your reach), you will find it. And then when we try to catch you to fish it out of your mouth, you take off running...well, crawling (as afore-mentioned). But run-crawling.

So little, and you already know when you're busted. Its so cute.

Other hobbies of yours are playing with shoes (ew....sorry I always take them away), watching the washer or dryer spin and trying to climb into or pull things out of the dishwasher when its open.

Oh yes, and hanging out with that brother of yours. You watch him intently and seek to do whatever he does, play with whatever he's playing with. He doesn't always like sharing with you, but he loves you to bits. He is always asking to hold you (but of course you squirm away). He is always trying to hug you (but of course its more like tackling you).

Tommy can get a little rough with you sometimes, but you're pretty tough. Little-brother tough.

Watching the two of you play together is one of my favorite things. I can't wait to see you grow together. Though I'm sure that breaking up fights between you might become a staple of my every-day-life before too long, I know you will love each other and be best buds.

I love that you both have a brother.

And boy, does your daddy love you. It never ceases to amaze me how your sweet-tiny-beautiful-human-being-cuteness can turn your broad-shouldered, rugged manly-man of a father into a marshmallow. He lights up with a huge grin when he sees you after a day away. He's over the moon for you. (And you are always excited to see him, too...you take off run-crawling when you hear his voice coming through the door.)

Your daddy is a fun-rough-and-tumble sorta Daddy. Though you're still a little small for rough-and-tumble (as I'm always reminding him), Daddy always finds a way to include you in the action. You particularly love jumping on the bed (with Daddy's help) with your big brother.

(I think mommies are supposed to object to jumping on the bed...something about monkeys comes to mind...but I don't so much mind. Some of the best times we 4 have are jumping and rolling around on the big pillows and blankets of me and Daddy's big ole bed, dontchya think?)

(By the by, Daddy's a little bummed sometimes 'cause you're a bit of a momma's boy. I secretly sorta like that you are a bit of a momma's boy, but hey, give your daddy a few more of those snuggles. And what the heck, let him put you back to sleep at night too! ;) That would be nice...

...Cause you are not such a fabulous sleeper at night. Nope. We need to work on that little buddy.

But, no matter how many times I end up falling asleep with you in the glider in the middle of the night and wake up hours later with a sore back, or sore neck, or sore legs, you're worth it.

You're worth anything. You're worth everything.

I love you with my life,

my sweet one who is

almost one.

Equinox Thoughts

2010-03-22T23:33:00.020-06:00

Spring is officially here, so the calendar says.

I guess the real official day was Saturday. I thought it was Sunday.

I believed it on Sunday. It was lovely on Sunday. The sun shone. No need for coats. My wearing of flip-flops was starting to feel normal and beyond reproach. (I am often chided for I wear them the year-round, whenever I can get away with it without getting frost-bite.)

We got to make our usual trip to Grandma & Grandpa's for Sunday dinner. The sickness of three-quarters of our family had us confined to our household the previous two weeks. (Somehow the plague of our household passed me by, praise be to the heavens.)

Yes, Sunday was lovely. Sunday deserved the title of a spring day.

As for today...meh. Wind and more wind, making that noise that makes me restless as it blows through the eaves of my house. Gray skies again. A little rain, but not the strong, sweet, refreshing kind I adore.

(Come ON, March. Go out like a lamb already. On to the showers and flowers, please.)

But even though there are still days like today where (despite what the calendar says) Winter is hanging on desperately by its fingertips, I can feel that dreary season really is departing. I can feel its final, absolute exit coming soon.

It's like the anticipation of finally getting a deep, prolonged breath of air after being plunged underwater again and again and again.

The spring-cleaning bug is starting to flutter around in my brain. Incessantly. It feels much like the nesting urge that honest-to-goodness attacks me in my late pregnancies. It nags at me constantly, it won't let me rest. I must get things done, I must clean, I must organize, I must awaken and refresh this house after being holed up in it these long months.

Even when I don't have time to do those things (which is, ahem, most of the time) I look around at my home and dream the impossible dream...the dream of all papers thrown out or filed away, cupboards and closets cleaned out and re-organized, clothing and toys and neglected things sorted through and donated or sold or put in storage, surfaces cleared off and dusted and washed and polished.

Ah, the house in my head is a lovely place. A place where every thing sparkles and shines and the only thing left to do is throw open my windows and let the spring breezes carry away the final traces of winter mustiness.

And then I come back to earth and see before me the dishes and laundry and the normal stuff that still isn't (and never truly will be) done.

(Still, its a lovely and inspiring dream.)

I keep thinking, "I can't wait for Jacob's first summer, it will be so fun!"

And then I stop myself and realize his first summer was a year ago.

Really? Yes really.

But he was just 2 and 3 and 4 months old then. Even as a 2nd time mom, I wasn't too keen on venturing out with him in the sun all too often. Especially alone and with my toddler in tow. And I suppose I was just busy. After Jacob arrived in late April and I became responsible for not one but two little human beings, I believe time began to exponentially increase in speed. Here I am nearly one whole revolution of the Earth later, and I honestly feel baffled by how that is possible. Its like I was beamed forward in time somehow and have sustained some kind of partial amnesia...the memories of last spring and summer with my baby have begun evaporating already. (I am getting old. Or I am just not getting enough sleep.)

This spring and summer will be different.

Jacob will be the robust age of 1. (I still can't get over it.)

There will be oodles of trips to the park and the swimming pool and anywhere else fun, picnics and road trips and family reunions and vacations.

And visits to the farmer's market too. I've never been to one of those (I can hear some of my friends saying "REALLY?" Yep, really.). I want to bring fresh, delicious, home-grown things into my house, and I myself am not a gardener or any approximation of a green-thumb bearing human being.

I've been dreaming about experimenting and concocting some fantastic smoothies for the hot days. Mixing up fresh, sweet, cold homemade treats that give my boys colorful mustaches sounds delightful for summer. (I've never made my own smoothies before. I'm excited to try a particular one that involves not only fruit but also spinach...ya know, to sneak in some veggies for the kiddos. Other combination ideas, anyone?)

To state it simply, I am beyond excited about the warmer, lovelier days ahead.

I don't think I've ever craved the spring and summer months as desperately as I do this year.

Jacob's daddy carried him outside on our lovely Sunday afternoon to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air, and to look at the tree that stands outside our home's office window.

A red-headed finch has been visiting that tree. We think he might make a home there. This week we are going to get a bird-feeder for him.

Jacob's daddy put him down on the grass of our front lawn.

I think it was the first time my little one has ever experienced grass.

I was a little sad. It was not soft, tickling green grass. It was stiff, yellow and brown, not yet revived from its months in hibernation.

Jacob didn't want to put his hands on it. He didn't crawl around or explore. He sat in one spot, looking slightly perturbed while tentatively touching the course, strange carpet of our lawn, only to pull his fingers away each time.

That is one of the things I am longing for most...the green, when will the green come? When will the snow on the mountains finally disappear, when will the trees get their leaves and blooms and when will I start hearing the hum of lawnmowers? This is unusual for me to say, but I can't wait for grass that needs mowing. I want to smell through my open windows the scent of fresh-cut, rich, beautiful, vibrant green grass that grows so quickly we can't keep up with it.

A signature of real spring.

No matter what the calendar says, its not quite here yet.

But...its getting there.

Erin Go Bragh

2010-03-17T23:56:00.012-06:00

I love Ireland.

I've never been there, but I've already decided I love it.

Those green, enchanting, rolling hills.

(...that so far I've only seen in movies. Ohmigosh, P.S. I Love You. I can't get over that scene, where they first meet on that country road, when she's in Ireland for the first time and lost...you know which one I mean.)

The music.

(I've probably been listening to Enya longer than any other musician on the planet. Though her music felt too mellow today...I was really wishing I had some Riverdance-type stuff to listen to. I Riverdanced for Tommy anyway.)

Those lovely Irish Blessings.

The history. The culture.

And hey, they have castles.

(We have a lot in the U-S-of-A but we don't have castles.)

I fully plan to visit the Green Isle one day.

(...on my dream tour of Europe that will also include England, Scotland, Spain, France, Austria, Italy, Greece, and maybe just a few others.)

But for now I will wear green on St. Patrick's Day and tell my little boys about leprechauns.

(See how I love you Ireland?)

(I love those neighbors of yours, but I don't celebrate any of their national holidays!)

We didn't have any kind of a big to-do about St. Patty's Day at our house, but I found it was a wonderful excuse to make cupcakes.

With green frosting of course.

(I just bought food coloring a few days ago. It is the first food coloring I have owned in 8 years of marriage. It felt momentous...)

Oh yes, and we dusted them with sprinkles too. Tommy wanted not only green but also pink, blue and orange.

(And leprechauns are all about rainbows, right?)

I am always trying to find excuses to make cupcakes lately.

I love 'em.

The husband prefers cookies.

And cookies will always have my heart,

But oh, Betty Crocker, I am into the cupcake thing these days.

And I hear cupcakes are "In" right now.

(Not that I really know or care much at all about what is "In." Don't you know me?)

While I was busy mixing the frosting into a lovely shade of green, Tommy said emphatically to the cupcakes,

"You're gonna get frosted!"

(Kinda like a warning.)

And then a moment later, he said to me,

(very matter-of-factly)

"I speak cupcake."

(I kid you not.)

Boy, did I laugh.

*
*
*
*
*

(P.S.
I took some mighty cute photos of me wee leprechauns to post but the computer is telling me some rubbish about how it can't download me photos for whatever odd reason....*and I make a growling-type, irritated noise here)

Oh wow oh wow...

2010-03-15T17:32:00.002-06:00

My baby is just ten days away from turning 11 months

That is practically One.

I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out.

This first year went by so, SO much faster than my first baby's first year.

I can hardly believe it.

It almost doesn't seem fair.

When you have two kids it is a lot harder to just sit back and soak it all up.

All the moments.

I suppose I should get used to it, because this family will definitely have more kids someday!

(At LEAST 4.)

(At least 4 TOTAL that is, not 4 more.)

(But you never know I guess!)

I'm very sad I haven't written more about my sweet baby Jake in these first months.

Every month I've thought,

"6 months! I need to write!"

"9 months! I need to write!"

And now his birthday is quickly approaching.

Same thing with Thomas.

4 years old in July.

So much about him hasn't been written either.

It would take volumes.

He came in to tell me about his victories with Play-doh just now.

I gave him great big squeezes and told him about all the fun things we're going to do this spring!

The day is still slightly chill and snow is still on the mountains, but the sun is out and

OH, it is glorious.

It makes me feel my love for my children even deeper in my bones.

I just want sun and green and blooms and to go out and walk around in it all.

With my dear, beloved, sweet, beautiful little boys.

(Life is not perfect and parenthood is hard, so hard at times,

but I love my boys,

Oh do I.)

Church, Boo-boos, and Hockey

2010-03-11T00:01:00.001-07:00

(It drives me crazy when I'm not timely with writing! I started this over 2 weeks ago but never finished. That's what happens when I get long-winded...)

Tommy gave his very first talk in Primary on Sunday, February 21st.

His teachers sent him home with a little slip a couple weeks beforehand with the date and topic. It felt surreal to me that my first baby was already old enough to give a talk in Primary! I've still been trying to get over the fact that he's old enough to be in Primary. Ever since Tommy graduated from Nursery to Primary at the beginning of the year, I've been a little nostalgic...It was surprisingly hard for me to have to watch him leave Nursery forever! No more toys and playtime, no more snacktime. Its just the first of many ways he's leaving behind being little. He always loved Nursery and I was so worried that Sunbeams would disappoint him when he realized how different it would all be. He did have a hard time saying goodbye to us when we dropped him off the first several Sundays, but I think he's starting to get pretty used to it now.

*Sigh* He's growing up at lightspeed and its starting to freak me out. Although all the milestones are fun to watch, its hard for me to see him leave each one behind forever, and then move so quickly to the next!

Anyway! The talk, the talk. The subject was "Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, all mankind may be saved." Wow. The Atonement. Heavy topic for a Sunbeam. Okay. I just wrote a simple little talk for him, keeping it very basic, and we brought a favorite picture of Jesus that we keep in the house to show the Primary. Tommy did great. He repeated the words I whispered nice and clear. It was adorable. At one point when I was listening to him say the words I kind of choked up a teensy, tiny bit for a split second because it was so, so cute and sweet. I was so proud of him.

*I'm so bummed that I didn't get a picture of him before or after church that day!*

I'll confess I was a little nervous about how his talk would go. He was very excited about it and we practiced and had several discussions about it and everything, but I had been worried he would do one of two things...like 1) Freeze up with nervousness and refuse to say anything I whispered to him, because he can go from being a ham to being shy in a nanosecond. Or, 2) He would get all silly, ignore what I was telling him to say and start putting on a show up at the microphone...because he is a ham! He has been dying to talk at the microphone ever since he started Primary. He's tried to escape his teachers during sharing time and wander to the front trying to get to the podium. The Primary Presidency told me they've even let him sit with them up front a time or two.

He was even a bit naughty before his talk...he got to sit up front while he waited for his turn, but several times he got out of his chair and snuck behind the conducting Primary Presidency member to draw on the chalkboard. I wanted to intervene but I was sitting in the very back row, so calling to him or going up front to sit him back down definitely would have been disruptive. So Ryan and I just exchanged amused/embarrassed glances with one another until the Primary Pres. Member realized she had a little artist behind her and sat him back down. Twice.

Bless their hearts, those Primary Presidencies. They're so patient and tolerant. I've never had a calling in Primary at all...Nursery, but never Primary...so its been years and years since I had been in a Primary sharing time. As I sat there in the few minutes before Tommy's talk, watching these dear women trying to run sharing time through all the commotion made by wiggly, restless, talkative little ones, man did I appreciate them. It appears to me a very overwhelming, exhausting calling! I hope I never, ever get called into a Primary Presidency. And, I just doomed myself to getting called to one someday, right there, just wait and see...

*******************************************************

It turned out to be a weekend of not just one but two milestones for the Tommy-nator.

Because, the night before Tommy gave his first talk in Church,

He got his first set of stitches.

5 of 'em, in his chin. Yep!

There's really not even an interesting story to it! He was just playing in our tile entryway, crawling around down on all fours, and he stumbled on his own arms, fell and *SmAcK*...split open his chin on the tile. We didn't know there was anything wrong with his chin at first because he buried his head in his daddy's shoulder and cried for several minutes, and wouldn't let us look at his face. I was worried he'd knocked a tooth out...he's already come close to doing that once. When he finally pulled away and I saw the blood on Ryan's shirt, of course I did the mommy thing and freaked out a bit. I freaked out a little more when Ryan told me Thomas had a gash on his chin and almost immediately thereafter, "I think he's going to need stitches."

Stitches scare me. I've never had them and so I've always imagined all kinds of scary things about the experience. For the longest time I didn't know that they numb the area before they stitch it. I thought you just sat there and lived through the pain of being sewn up with needle and thread. Was extremely glad when I found out that wasn't true.

We studied the war wound a bit (which surprisingly wasn't bleeding that much) and decided to send a photo to Ryan's Mom on her phone...she's a nurse and we're always calling her with medical questions. As soon as she saw it she told us it would definitely need stitches. It wasn't a very long gash, not even an inch, but it was gaping pretty wide open. We showed Tommy the photo of it on Ryan's phone and he said it looked like a "little mouth." Ha!

Aside from being sad about Tommy's busted chinny-chin, I couldn't believe the bad timing. When Tommy fell, we were *literally* about to walk out the door to go somewhere...to my brother Travis' last college hockey game ever. He plays hockey for BYU, he's graduating in April, and it was the last game of the season. We'd been particularly lousy at going to his games...we had only gone to one other game the whole season. So I was bummed not only that my little baby had to get stitches, but because we were probably going to miss my brother's very last game. But hey, we thought, at least we were already ready to walk out the door to go to the doctor!

And though it was a Saturday night, we were able to get right in to get Tommy stitched up. I love our Pediatrician's office, Utah Valley Pediatrics. The office we go to is actually one of several sister clinics all over Utah County, and each clinic takes turns being open on holidays and weekends. We were able to call in and get an appointment just about an hour and a half later. And our co-pay for an after-hours visit was just $25. I was so glad we didn't have to go to the Instacare or heaven forbid, the ER. I've never had to go to the ER, but I've heard nothing but horrible stories about how awful it is to take your kids there, especially with how long you have to wait.

So after a trip to the McDonald's drivethru for dinner and to cheer Tommy up, we took him to see the Doc. The clinic that was open for afterhours wasn't our regular clinic, but everyone there was fantastic. When we showed up they just put a numbing gel on Tommy's chin and let it sit for about 20 minutes while we watched Curious George on their TV. Tommy was totally fine and happy, and even Jacob was a trooper and stayed conveniently asleep in his stroller the whole time we were at the doctor's.

The numbing gel they used was actually a preparation for the numbing shot...so nice because after the 20 minutes Tommy's chin was already so numb that when he got the shot he didn't feel it at all. Ryan had warned me that the worse part of stitches is getting the numbing shot, and I was not looking forward to Tommy's screaming when he realized he had to get a shot. Even though his chin was already numb and he didn't feel it when they gave him the shot, we had a lovely, kind young nurse who kept Tommy's attention on her and he never even saw the needle or knew he got a shot at all.

And he was such a big kid while he got stitched up. The nurse and doctor asked him all sorts of questions about himself and he laid so still while they gave him "whiskers" (their cute nickname for stitches). Tommy did awesome. I was truly so relieved when what I always thought would be a scary, painful, traumatic experience wasn't really that bad at all.

BUT, that doesn't mean I want to encounter stitch-inducing calamities with my children again...I'm all worried now whenever either of the boys play in the tile entryway. I shoo them away onto the much softer hardwood of the kitchen.

********************************************************

Oh yeah, and we did manage to make it to my brother's hockey game....for the last 6 minutes of the last period anyway. Oh well. At least I got to see him play one last time! And the Cougars WON! Against Boise State, 3-2. BOO-yah!

Band-aid chin boy was in high spirits, even though he had just barely come from getting his stitches. (Jake is MIA in my pics because he continued to be an awesome little trooper, sleeping in his carseat pretty much the whole evening!)

Love my bro. (Don't he look dapper? He always dresses up after the games.)

These guys love my bro. (No one's hotter than Kotter, yeah! and that's D-"Fence" if you're wondering =)

Tommy loves his uncle.

Tommy loves the Zamboni.

Afterwards we all celebrated with my bro over a late-night breakfast at IHOP, like so many times before.

Gonna miss that. =)

Again, to March

2010-03-10T22:55:00.005-07:00

I think I just might be doomed to loathe you for all time.
(I am trying oh so hard not to use that word, hate...)

I had hope for you this year, you arrived with such sunshine.

But then I remembered,
you are you.
you quickly did what you always do
you fickle, tempestuous month

You bombarded us with cold new snow
and blank grey skies
then teased us, again, with warmth and sun
for a day or an hour or a second or two
only to withdraw it
again
and these last few days you've tested my patience
with your delivery of cold, hard winds
that shake the very panes of my windows.

But NOW,
you've completely abolished any desire I had for a truce with you
by deeming it necessary to bestow
one last heartless dose
of particular misery
upon our household
with SICKNESS.

All three of my dear boys, one by one, have become feeble and infirm thanks to you.

My husband has an official case of pneumonia and the poor man wheezes all day and night.

My two wee ones are not nearly so bad, but they have hot little foreheads and their lungs bark in protest to what we call "the germies." I am taking them to see their Doc tomorrow.

Tonight I hear each poor boy coughing in turn,
tossing in their beds
struggling for rest
And I venture continuously to the room of my dearest little one
to cradle and rock and soothe him back to sleep.

You couldn't even spare him, you rotten pack of days, you.

It is probably a MIRACLE that I am not sick myself
(yet)
But I think deep down its because I refuse to give in
to your last efforts at torture.

I have 3 boys to take care of.

I don't have time for your tantrums.

Get thee hence,
thank you very much.

Dear March,

2010-03-01T22:34:00.007-07:00

Usually I disdain you.
Usually
when you arrive each year
I sigh impatiently
in grim anticipation
of your lingering winter
and long procession of
blah
days.
But,
you behaved yourself rather well today.
There just might be some hope for you.
Keep it up with the sunshine, if you please.
Thank you very much.

Picture of the Day

2010-03-01T22:24:00.004-07:00

love him.

P.S.
I know I said this was picture of the ~day~
but I can't leave out my first boy
So here is a picture of the day
from last week.
Tommy
at 3 1/2
is already working
on perfecting the art
of the self portrait.

love it,
love him.

Hooting in my Kitchen

2010-03-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

I love this music from my head to my tippy-toes.

I say its like musical candy...

as sweet and scrumptious to my kids

as it is to me.

I like to put on these tunes and dance with my little guys

before lunchtime

or in the restless evenings.

I bounce and spin with baby Jacob in my arms

while Tommy runs circles around the island.

A favorite is

"Hello Seattle"

- The Remix -

It starts out gently, quietly,

very pretty

then slowly builds into a fantastic

infectious

irresistable dancing beat.

Tommy says

it "runs out of air"

at the end.

Many songs are catchy and quick,

others are lovely and heartfelt,

But this whole album is perfect

for this stay at home mom

who often needs a way

to shake off the stress.

Aside from my love for the music

I am also particularly impressed with

the artist of this album

for his writing.

He is wonderfully inventive

with delightful, witty, whimsical lyrics

about beaches, hot air balloons,

dentists,

even toupees.

Buy it, I say.

Do it now.

Go to iTunes or Amazon or the nearest place you can buy media

Snap it up

and you will discover so many more treasures

than the two they are playing on the radio.

(Get the Deluxe version.)

If you don't like it

I would have to say

To each her own

(or his own)

But I would also have to say

Perhaps

The child at heart in you

just needs a little nudge.

The Computer and I

2010-03-01T19:22:00.007-07:00

Around 7 pm

still awaiting

the hubby's return from the day

my toddler is watching cartoons

and I slip into the office

to squeeze in a few minutes of email-checking

and blog-stalking

while wrestling the baby on my lap

with one arm.

The baby wriggles and grabs

at everything in sight

so I relent

and place him on the ground.

Then I have T minus thirty seconds

before he tries to escape

underneath the desk

to check out the garbage can

and power cords

or

he discovers the stack of Daddy's rolled-up houseplans

stuffed in a corner

and threatens to rip them up

or

he escapes into the living room

where his big brother will no doubt

tackle him

(affectionately)

until he cries

and I go to rescue him.

And when I go to take the baby away

his big brother begs,

"I wanna hode 'im!"

And I let big brother give his little buddy

one more hug

until I must remove him

so he doesn't suffocate.

Then I escape into the office

to steal a couple more minutes

with the baby in my arms

and it all begins again.

...I really need to get a laptop.

Simplicity

2010-02-22T23:59:00.006-07:00

Tonight we had a fun, simple family night.

(Even though its always our goal to have Family Home Evening on Mondays, we are not always awesome at pulling it together. So its lovely when it does come together!)

Cheeseburgers for dinner.

(Cooked by Ryan, poor guy, out in the freezing cold. I have designated him the grillmaster...I've never used the BBQ.)

Boys playing tractors on the floor with Daddy.

(I love watching Jacob play with his big brother...he's so interested in everything Tommy does and wants to do it too. So darling. Can't wait to watch them become even better buddies as Jacob grows older.)

Danced around the kitchen to some of our favorite tunes.

(Specifically, tunes from this album. Love it. I could write a whole post about it. I just might sometime.)

Sang a couple primary songs.

(Tommy requested the birthday song, the primary one. He's always talking about his birthday lately. Its not til July! He has informed us he wants a Transformers party. We also sang "I am a Child of God" for good measure.)

Had a short, simple lesson by Daddy. He chose the topic "Telling the truth." He made up a very cute story to keep Tommy interested.

(The story involved a piece of cake belonging to Ryan. I was the villain of the story. I ate the cake but then blamed it on Tommy. We talked about how its not okay to say things that aren't true. Tommy was pretty into the story. He kept saying, "But I didn't eat it!" We had to remind him it was just a story and that he wasn't in trouble!)

I put Jacob to bed to the soft sounds of his lullabies.

(These lullabies. Bought this album to listen to in the hospital after Jacob was born. My favorite album of lullabies ever. I particularly love "Goodnight My Angel"...its the most beautiful version that I've ever heard.)

Had brownies and ice cream.

(It was just a mix but they were gooood. We gobbled the whole pan in about 10 minutes.)

Then we watched "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs."

(Cute, but WHOA, a little weird, too. We have the storybook...Tommy loves it and I have fond memories of it from elementary school days. But the movie was sooooo different, it bugged me a bit. I'm sort of a purist I guess!)

Then Daddy and Tommy went to bed, and here I sit.

(I promised myself I would go to bed earlier tonight. I promise myself that every night. I just cannot conquer my inner nightowl...)

I come to learn more and more how much joy there is in the simple things. Having children especially has taught me that. They bring out the "Child at Heart" in me. Any little treat can make a day or an evening special or exciting now, like just making brownies or watching a movie together. A simple, easygoing night spent together with my three boys, just eating, playing, dancing, talking, giggling...its one of the greatest blessings of my life.

(And I'm trying to count that blessing more often lately.)

(I like writing in parentheses. Could ya tell?)

=)

Okay, so...

2010-02-22T14:16:00.006-07:00

...I don't know that Spring is really so much in the air just yet.

But boy, do I wanna believe it.

I don't know if I've ever been as desperate for spring as this year.

Spring in Utah is such a tease, though...

I don't know if spring in Utah even exists. The gross late winter seems to linger around forever, snow and slush and mud, coming and going, coming and going.

By the time it really goes for good, its practically summer.

This winter in particular just seems to keep going on, and on, and on...

Yesterday it was chilly and windy and in the late afternoon we had a freak blizzard that was quickly coating everything in white again.

Me = Not happy.

But after an hour or two it stopped and now its all melted away.

The sun is shining and I heard the delightful sounds of little birdies outside the window this morning.

So there is hope!!!

=)

Hair

2010-02-12T23:16:00.014-07:00

My two little sons are very different in one way...

that fluff atop their heads.

They're both blond like their daddy.

But man oh man, do their manes have different personalities!

My little Jake-boy inherited not only his Daddy's color but his daddy's curls too. They are becoming more curly and more unmanageable as they grow and he currently has little "wings" above each ear, but I love it! I have no plans to cut it soon. I am too afraid that once I cut them off, the curls may disappear forever! So I am enjoying seeing the crazy patterns his hair often ends up in.

In fact, the hairdo he was sporting when he woke from a nap this morning (see above and below) is what prompted this whole post.

Jacob, the mad scientist!

"Greetings, readers of Mommy's blog!"

Sooooooo, so so so cute. I almost love his hair messy better than I do combed! Its great fun to play with.

And seriously, I love those "wings..."

Tommy's hair, on the other hand, is stick straight and pretty much always has been. There was a time when it would lay down upon his noggin and could be combed nice and tidy, with a part.

(Tommy at about 9-10 months...same age Jacob is now.)

Now...not so much.

(As you can see, he's in dire need of a hair-snipping lately. And how 'bout that cheesy grin? He's all too talented at those.)

Thomas' hair just grows up. And up. And up and up and up...Its got this kind of stiff, course texture to it and it seems to be immune to the effects of gravity. His hair in the very front lays flat, but all the rest of it sticks up, especially in the back, at his crown...I always say the tuft in back (which grows up and up and up more than any of it) reminds me of a duck!

Trying to comb it down when its this long is pretty much out of the question. I could try to plaster it down, but I am not big on using large amounts of hair goo on my little ones. Some have suggested I just let it grow out and it would eventually lay down. Personally I think it would just end up being a fantastic fro! And also, despite the fad, I'm not a big fan of longer, shaggy hair for my boys. Partly because I'm lazy. I don't do a whole lot of combing. Especially with Tommy, I like his hair nice and short so I don't have to worry about it. I just leave it alone most days, and once in awhile for church or pictures or a special occasion I spike it with a little gel. Easy.

So I just have to get Tommy's hair cut all.the.time. It grows like wildfire. We go to "Cookie Cutters," one of those fun kid-specialty hair shops where they can sit on a car/train/plane and play a video game/watch a movie whilst getting their ends snipped. And they get a balloon and a sucker at the end. And they have a slide and video games for kids to play if they have to wait for their turn. Its great for those younger ones who are afraid of haircuts, but now Thomas is just utterly spoiled...he loves it there. He's always excited when its time for a haircut and then within days starts insisting that he needs a haircut again. Who knows if I'll ever be able to take him anywhere else again!

And as for me, I don't do haircuts, nope. I've never been one of those women with a talent or an eye for cutting hair, and I have absolutely no desire to learn. I don't enjoy being responsible for how good someone does or does not look when I'm done.

(For the record, I did try. Tommy's very first haircut as a baby was by me, and despite all my caution, I knicked his ear...he bled, I freaked out, I was done! Now I'm simply too nervous with a pair of scissors in my hand.)

I always say that I don't want to wish my boys' youth away, but I can't help but feel curious and excited to see what they'll look like and be like as the months and years pass, and to see the ways they'll differ from one another and how they'll be alike.

All I know is, they're both handsome!

(Have I mentioned I love these boys?)

Are You Looking for a House in Billings, Montana?

2010-02-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

My brother Zane and lovely sister-in-law Amber are selling their house and I'm helping to spread the word!

5237 Sacagawea Dr.

Billings, MT 59101

$189,900
* Built in 2007
* 2184 sq. ft. (fully finished basement)
* 4 Bedrooms (all with 4x5 walk-in-closets)
* 2 Full Bathrooms
* Beautiful Hickory Cabinets
* Large Walk-in Corner Pantry
* Large Family Room

* 2nd Family Room in Basement
* Central Air Conditioning
* Fully Landscaped
* Underground Sprinkler System
* 2 car garage

To read more details, see more photos or to get contact info, go to:

http://5237sacagawea.blogspot.com

Success!!!

2010-02-09T00:39:00.002-07:00

I have created my first ever, good ole' homemade header for this here blog!

It turned out purdy cute, if I do say so myself.

This is my first real attempt at digi-scrapping. I've never really scrapbooked...at all. I was never blessed with a talent for crafts, but I have long desired to become learn-ed in the ways of digital craftiness...I've proclaimed this for several years now. I have been tempted, oh have I, by those shelves and rows of touchable, lovely papers and all the fun scrapping goodies at Archiver's. But then I remember.... "Glue? Scissors? Glitter? Um, no thank you." I've been saving my energy and my sanity and my pennies for the digital scrapbooking world.

And gall-darn-it, I am finally (sorta) on my way.

Because a few days ago I finally downloaded the Photoshop Elements software my husband sweetly gave me.

For my birthday, in July.

In 2008.

(Eek.)

(Procrastinate much? No, not me.)

Thanks honey!

=)

In Memory

2010-02-02T14:39:00.005-07:00

Yesterday I attended the funeral for my Great Uncle, Merrill Briggs.

Uncle Merrill was my mother's uncle, the youngest brother of my grandfather. He had down syndrome, and lived to the age of 61. How amazing is that? He lived a very full and very happy life. He loved life and he loved people. He was an incredible man.

I usually only saw Uncle Merrill once or twice a year at family reunions. He was always happy, always joking around and teasing everyone. He was always a big jokester. My mom's family is a ranching family, and Merrill was a cowboy through and through...he loved horses and riding, and for as long as I can remember he always wore cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. He wanted to get married someday and have his own ranch. He loved going to church and he went through the temple. He loved the Boy Scout program and got his Eagle Scout. He competed several times in the Special Olympics. He had a job and worked at the same company for almost 40 years. He loved to knit and crochet and was always making things...I have a several pot-holders that he made for me. He loved music and he loved to dance. I remember dancing with him at reunions many times over the years.

His funeral was practically a family reunion in and of itself. Many of my vast extended family came to his funeral service, and there were so many sweet and wonderful memories shared. Many were stories I'd never heard before, and it was a blessing to learn more about Merrill and his life. There were many many tears at the service of course, but a general feeling of happiness too...we all knew without a doubt that his life goes on, that his disability has been removed from him, and that he has been reunited with his beloved father and mother, my great-grandpa and great-grandma, who passed away many years ago. They loved him dearly and were such amazing parents to him.

My great uncles and great aunts told wonderful stories about my great-grandparents at the funeral. I never got to know them well...I was only a baby when my great-grandpa died, and my great-grandma died when I was still very young, though I do have vague memories of visiting her and Merrill in the years before she passed away. I imagine it was very different raising a child with down syndrome in the 1940's and 1950's, but my great-grandparents always loved and encouraged Merrill, and stood in defiance of doctors who told them there were things he would never be able to do, like walk or talk. He did so, so much more than that. I'm so grateful Merrill was blessed to come to a family with parents and siblings that loved and cherished him and encouraged him to do anything he wanted to do.

At his service they had a table filled with pictures of Merrill, things he owned and things he loved. I didn't bring my camera in to the funeral with me, but I wish so badly I had gotten a photo of this cool little tribute to him. They had displayed his little cowboy boots and cowboy hats, which gave a particular tug to my heartstrings. There were also many of the things he had knitted and crocheted, his Special Olympics medals, his Boy Scout sash, and also a bowl full of chocolate candy. I learned that Merrill always loved chocolate and particularly Reese's...he and I are kindred spirits there!

I will always miss Uncle Merrill...at family reunions it will always feel like an important part of us is missing. I will feel a tinge of sadness whenever I think about him. But I'm grateful for the wonderful life he lived, for the amazing example of hard work and happiness that he was, and for the knowledge that he lives on.

When I spoke to my mom on the phone after first hearing of Merrill's death, we both cried. But then we started talking about what he must be doing now, and what he must be like. My mom said she thought he'd be tall, just like his brothers, and handsome, and a "womanizer." We both laughed. He was and is a sweet, good man, and I have no doubt that he's a hit with the ladies.

And I have no doubt that he has returned to the presence of Our Father in Heaven, and is strolling happily through heaven at this very moment, with a big grin on his face.

*Uncle Merrill in the News: "Ogden Loses Its Favorite Cowboy"

Early Morning Thoughts

2010-01-28T04:09:00.009-07:00

At about 4 am this morning Jacob woke up for probably the 4th or 5th time since bedtime.

Though my littlest still does not sleep through the night anyway, he had shots at the doctor yesterday afternoon and I think they were not providing for the best night's sleep.

As I fed him, he started fiddling with my fingers. I just sat looking at those tiny fingers next to mine, and I thought about how very sweet my baby boy is. I always think he is sweet, but I had one of those moments of overwhelming love...the love you always feel for your children but that sometimes hits you in highly concentrated doses and makes you feel particularly content.

I thought how nice it was to be needed.

So much of the time I am racing through the day, trying to take care of the children's needs as quickly as possible so as to move on to other tasks...sometimes I forget to stop and bask in the glow of the blessing it really is to be needed, so much , by a little someone. By two little someones!

Right now their world is small, and I am such a big and important part of that world. Not a day goes by that they don't need me, greatly. With each passing year their world will grow and grow, and my part in it will fade, bit by bit. They'll start to find a thousand other things in their lives to devote their attention to, and eventually their need for me will be all but gone. Someday they will even be gone. And then, where there was once a busy, messy, noisy household with needy children that often tired out or frustrated a young mother, a quiet, tidy, childless house will have taken its place, and in it will sit a woman who is just anxiously waiting for phone calls. I try to remind myself of that all the time, especially on the hard days...I think, "These are the days I will miss someday."

I want to make more room for that kind of contented-ness in my life...I want to carve out more moments in the day where that overwhelming warmth of love can settle in and melt away the anxiety of constantly trying to complete a to-do list which will never truly be done, anyway! Someday my sons will be men, but right now they are my babies. I want to hold onto the moments with them as carefully and lovingly as I can, for I know that all too soon, in years that seem like seconds, these days will be gone forever.

These Boys

2010-01-21T01:40:00.004-07:00

I love these boys. Oh do I love them!

(And I love that photo, I do, but I would LOVE it with capitals if Jacob looked a little happier!)

Jacob is almost nine months. I'm already starting to think about his first birthday party. That freaks me out. I dread the day when his sweet baby smell fades away forever.

Thomas officially passed the 3 and a half year mark this month. He's now closer to 4 then 3. How am I the parent of an almost four-year-old? Has it really been that long since my first-born was laid in my arms?

I need to write more about these boys (and post more photos, more often) as the days of their littleness slip through my fingers. I vow to do it soon.

Here's a story from this week (forgive me if this grosses you out):

Poor Tommy had some kind of sudden stomach bug a few days ago. He told me he wasn't feeling good and I gave him his pillow and my Snuggie (ya know, the blanket-with-arms that is really poorly named) so he could just lounge on the living room floor and watch cartoons for awhile. But as he was getting situated, with no warning whatsoever, I suddenly realized he was vacating the contents of his stomach all over said pillow and Snuggie. Ryan and I commenced the cleanup process, and unfortunately Thomas felt pretty equally awful the rest of the evening. Poor guy.

That night as I tucked him in bed (with a bowl next to him, just in case) he said to me, with the sweetest sincerity,

"Mom, I'm sorry I puked on your Snuggie."

Is it weird to say that my heart melted?

I hadn't been upset at all about the mess, and hadn't said a single thing about my soiled Snuggie.

My little boy is growing up.

And I have now promised myself I will keep an on-going list titled,

"Things Heard 'Round the House This Week."

Should make for great entertainment in the future. =)

*photos from our family session in early November 2009. Jacob has already changed so much...

Respite in the South

2010-01-13T15:34:00.001-07:00

My husband has decided that Utah is not all bad in the winter. There are places that still have 50 and 60 degree weather in January, and that's enough to make us say "Hallelujah!"

St. George was a great two-day reprieve from Utah County's winter. I could be talked into moving there. I was actually a little bummed that we didn't have time to drive around and look at houses and maybe check out some model homes, just for fun.

Our trip was short and simple, but nice.

We stayed at a newer, pretty nice hotel, which is always kind of fun (though pretty much any hotel room on the planet is too small for young children).

We threw our "Eat Better" resolutions to the wind for the weekend and thoroughly enjoyed our hotel's fantastic breakfast buffet. Their sausages were gooooood, I ate way too many.

On Saturday we hiked through Snow Canyon for a few hours, Jacob on his daddy's back.

(Cute)

We took a lot of breaks on our hike, by request of Thomas and his tired little legs.

Thomas said: "These are comfy rocks" (haha!)

We lunched at Pizza Factory, which is and always will be a favorite of ours, but an all-too common occurence, occurred once again...I was brought an Alfredo Chicken pizza instead of my beloved Alfredo, Tomato and Ham pizza, ARGH! But we didn't feel like saying anything to our waiter about it. (I practically filled up on their bread twists and ranch dip anyway...mmm)

We swam in the hotel pool...well, Daddy and Tommy swam in the hotel pool. I relaxed in our hotel room with baby Jake and dinked around on Ryan's laptop.

We went to see "The Princess and the Frog" (I was impressed!) and it was a relatively successful outing for our first time to the movies with both of our younguns.

The movie made me wish I had a daughter
to buy cute "Disney Princess" things for!

We stayed up late watching a movie on Ryan's laptop (with earphones) after the kids went to sleep. (It was the last segment of Return of the King. We've been trying to re-watch all the Lord of the Rings films over the last week or two, but only after bedtime so our little children don't get nightmares from them...)

Sunday we walked around the grounds of the St. George temple (my first time there) and chatted with the Sister Missionaries in the Visitor's Center.

We lunched at In'N'Out, the second time that I've ever eaten there. I agree its quite good, but man I do not understand the craze surrounding that place. We just got two in Utah County and people were camping out and lining up days before it opened. Its a burger, people.

We drove home, and poor Jacob cried and cried from being stuck in that car seat so long. Poor little guy. That part was not fun.

But then, what journey home from a vacation is?

One Year Ago Right Now...

2010-01-07T02:38:00.011-07:00

...Ryan, Tommy and I (and Jacob-still-in-my-tummy) were in Hawaii.

Warm, lovely, beautiful Oahu. A whole week of it.

We were there for a Christmas celebration with Ryan's family. It was a fantastic week and particularly glorious to escape the bitter cold of Utah.

I'll never forget how our car got stuck in the snow just minutes after we left our house, headed for the airport. We were already running late, of course. We had to make a stop at our mailbox (the kind with little lock-boxes for everyone in the subdivision), and despite the large snowdrift surrounding it, I requested Ryan drive up as close as he could so I could just roll down the window and slip our mail quickly into the "outgoing" slot. When we went to drive away, our Jeep (a Jeep!) slid and squealed but didn't budge, no matter what we did. Ryan had to push us out. He had dressed to walk off the plane into Hawaiian weather, so while I stomped on the gas pedal he stood ankle deep in the snow, pushing, wearing his shorts and leather sandals. His feet were numb when he finally got us out and climbed back in the car.

Utah's Winter seemed determined to hold onto us.

I remember when our plane finally lifted off the runway in Salt Lake City, I looked out over the snowy, mountainous landscape and thought how different my view would be in a few hours. Beaches, palm trees, warm, balmy breezes!

The 14 of us stayed in a lovely house in a quiet residential neighborhood in the small town of Ka'a'wa, only a 2 minute walk from a gorgeous beach. It was 15 minutes to Laie (home to BYU-Hawaii) and 30 minutes to Honolulu/Waikiki. It was the perfect way to experience Hawaii, and it was definitely a tempting taste of what it would be like to live there.

And boy, does my husband want to live there.

Seriously.

If I agreed to move there he would put our house up for sale tomorrow I bet.

'Cause, you see...he hates winter.

He hates it and he's always hated it and it gets worse every year...this year he's been threatening to move us away from Utah forever.

So we're off to St. George this weekend. Its not Hawaii, but we hope to find a little sunshine!

A New Year Letter

2010-01-01T23:18:00.005-07:00

Hello Family and Friends!

Happy New Year! I missed sending out a Christmas card or letter (again!) in time for the holiday season, but I still wanted to write to each of you to say we're thinking of you! Ryan and I feel so blessed to have so many dear friends and loved ones. We hope your Christmas was filled with family, friends, feasting, fun, and all the joy that comes with remembering and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

Its hard to believe another year is already over! Ryan and I recently celebrated our 8th anniversary, and the years just seem to fly by faster and faster as we get older! We are really looking forward to 2010 and the chance for a fresh start and a renewed commitment to our goals and dreams.

Our biggest news of 2009 was a new addition to our family! Our second son, Jacob, was born in late April and is now a busy, crawling, babbling 8-month old! Its so fun going through these baby phases again and watching as he explores and discovers everything around him. He is a healthy, handsome baby boy and has always been a very happy, mellow little guy. His smiles and giggles just melt our hearts! He has been a shining light in our family and we are all absolutely in love with him.

Thomas loves being a big brother and is very loving and sweet with Jacob (the majority of the time!). Tommy is almost 3 and a half now, and we have been amazed as we've watched him turn from a toddler into a little boy, all arms and legs! He is growing like crazy...he definitely got all the tall genes from both sides of the family! He has boundless energy, a dash of attitude, and he continually impresses us with things he is learning. He loves building or fixing things and helping his daddy whenever he has work to do in the garage.

Ryan is a great dad and loves spending time with his two little guys. He runs his own drywall contracting company, Premier Drywall, and we are grateful that he has continued to find work despite the poor condition of the construction industry here in Utah. Ryan also worked as the general contractor during the building of our current home in Saratoga Springs, Utah, which we completed about a year and a half ago. It was a lot of hard work and a difficult process at times, but he did a fantastic job. It was our dream for many years to build a house, and we feel very blessed to be here. When he has time Ryan goes dirtbiking at the nearby motocross tracks or the Little Sahara sanddunes, and in 2009 he got a chance to travel and do a bit of snorkeling, another hobby he loves.

I have been busy, busy, busy with our little boys and learning how to be a mom of two. I love watching them grow and learn...they are a lot of work and a lot of fun! I have plenty of things I love to do whenever I find a little free time. I've taken a break from college classes at BYU for a few semesters, but I love learning and am determined to complete my bachelor's degree. I plan to pursue a Bachelor of General Studies through independent study and night classes, with an emphasis in Writing. I also love playing the guitar and am thinking about taking lessons. I would really like to try my hand at songwriting, but I think I need to know more than 5 or 6 chords! And on top of it all, I'm learning to digital scrapbook so I can finally do something with the hundreds of photos I am always taking of my cute kids!

We hope this message finds you all happy and well! Please keep in touch, and if you have a blog, facebook account or new contact information we don't know about, please let us know! We wish you all a wonderful new year, and hope it will be your very best year so far! =)

All Our Love,

The Laidlaws
Ryan, Darci, Thomas and Jacob

The Holidays

2009-12-30T23:31:00.013-07:00

In an attempt to appease my guilt for being an awful blogger these last months (and the majority of the year, really), I'm making a last-ditch effort to (quickly!) recap The Holidays...which I have officially decided includes Halloween too (I love things that come in threes anyway!).

Christmas was busy, busy, busy! Man, did I start late this year. In September I kept talking about how I was going to get started early, I wasn't going to wait too long and then get stressed this year, and then WHAM! it was after Thanksgiving and I hadn't done hardly a thing. And going out shopping with two little guys is tough for me when its not Christmas! Amazon.com saved my bacon!

When we took the boys to see Santa a few days before Christmas I totally thought Tommy would love it (cause he always has!) and Jacob would cry. Thomas was so excited, but he had a last minute case of the nerves when it came his turn and absolutely refused to sit on Santa's lap. He was worried that he wouldn't get the toys he wanted without telling Santa, so he begged me to tell Santa his wish list for him. Jacob was completely fascinated with the white-bearded man and made nary a peep of nervousness! And we coaxed Tommy into sitting next to Santa on a rocking horse, so we still got a cute photo!

We celebrated Christmas at my parent's house this year, just down the road 45 minutes from us. It was particularly wonderful because all of my brothers and their families were there. It was definitely a crazy household with eight kids aged eight and under running around, but I love my family and it was so fabulous to have us all together...it happens very rarely these days. One of my favorite things was seeing how my older brothers and I are now the ones playing Santa and making Christmas magic for our kids...nothing is more fun then seeing how excited your own child is for Christmas! On the big morning my parents' living room was a lovely explosion of boxes and wrapping paper! Though I always think its a little sad when that glorious, gorgeous pile of gifts under the tree is gone...

Jacob was super cuuuute on his first Christmas. And Tommy was psyched to get his remote control dinosaur "Spike"...He'd been talking about him for months!

We spent Thanksgiving with Ryan's family in Wyoming. I love my "second family," and every single one of his siblings was able to come this year, which is rare for his family too.

It was great to be back to visit his childhood home...it had been a while since we'd headed up to good ole Wyoming, and I really enjoy spending time up there. Probably my favorite part of Thanksgiving with the Laidlaws is their tradition of going up into the mountains to cut down Christmas trees. We always make a fire, have hot dogs and hot chocolate, and take turns riding the four-wheelers around...Tommy loved it and Jacob looked so dang cute all bundled up! We found ourselves a nice tall tree for our vaulted living room, and we got it for only $10! Woohoo! (Well, on second thought, it was free, because Ryan's dad bought all the tree tags...Thanks Glenn!!!)

Its also fun seeing how the Laidlaw clan is growing. For quite awhile the only two grandkids were our Tommy and his cousin Julia, daughter of Ryan's older brother Nathan and his wife Fabiana. This Thanksgiving there were two new babies, our Jacob and Julia's baby brother Misael, and now Ryan's brother Eric and his wife Hayley are expecting their first in February (a girl!), and Ryan's sister Melissa and her husband Seth are expecting their first in May (a boy!)! So it will be cool seeing the Laidlaw grandkid quotient triple in just over a year! Holidays at Grandma and Grandpa Laidlaw's house are going to start getting a lot noisier! ;)

On to Halloween...I love Halloween more every year! Last year I converted Ryan to the fun of wearing a costume (he made a fabulous Captain Hook) and he went all out this year as another dashing pirate...Jack Sparrow! Seriously, I was a little jealous of his costume's awesomeness. I was a glam Ladybug, and decided that wigs = fun! Tommy was an adorable Buzz Lightyear, and Jacob was a little Sheriff Woody to match.

We went to our ward's Trunk 'R' Treat the night before Halloween, where everyone said they hardly recognized Ryan and I, and I tried not to whap everybody accidentally with my wings! (Wings = also fun!) On the "Big Night" we had all our fam over for a little shindig at our house. We ate chili, decorated cookies, watched "Casper", and Tommy made his first ever trick-or-treating expedition to actual houses...three houses, to be exact! (We don't have many neighbors in our part of the subdivision yet. For that same reason we didn't get many trick-or-treaters either, which had me a little bummed. "C'mon kids!!!" I wanted to run outside and yell down the hill. "I buy the good candy!!!")

That was our trifecta of holiday fabulousness! =)

;)

To Sweet Baby Jake

2009-10-25T16:37:00.003-06:00

Oh my beautiful little baby boy. You have quickly, ever too quickly reached 6 months old. Halfway to your first birthday, already...it scares me. The time has evaporated, moved forward with a pace so unforgivingly fast its baffling. So many, many small and precious moments and milestones have gone by and I haven't been as diligent as I wish I would have at writing about them all. I love you with all my heart and all I can say is that though reflecting on my life with you is important, living it with you is the most important, and I am trying so hard to be good at that part at least!

So much seems to have changed with you in the last month or so. I remember when you turned 2 months, you were so different all of a sudden. The newborn disappeared, you smiled, you cooed, and I fell hard in love (even moreso than I already was). Now its happening again. You're so expressive...always smiling, always giggling, always curious and watching and babbling. You're an ambitious little explorer, so eager to move around and to grasp at everything around you. That immobile baby is gone forever!

You're rolling all over the place and scooting now too, and between the two you get around pretty well...I don't put you down on the carpet for long before you're across the room and bumping into furniture. Whenever you see something interesting to you, you work ever so hard to get to it, like your big brothers' blocks...we have to be extra careful you don't get his smaller toys into your mouth. For this reason you are put down a lot less lately! I haven't seen you work on getting that little bum up in the air really yet, but I'm sure it won't be long before you're crawling and cruising all over the place! Oy. Time for Daddy and I to babyproof and get a gate for the stairs.

You seem to be getting strong little baby abs and can pull yourself about halfway to a sitting position, but you're not super ambitious about sitting up on your own just yet...I think you're more interested in crawling. I sit you up in "tripod" mode sometimes, with your arms in front of you, but you topple over after a few seconds. I got you one of those thingies to help you sit up, a Bumbo, thinking you would love it. Yeah, not so much...you arch your back and cry after a minute or two. You're not a big fan of it just yet. Its ok, you'll be sitting up before long. Mommy's not worried at all. =)

The times you do try hardest to sit up is when we put you in your bouncy chair or swing....those are becoming old hat and you quickly become impatient with them now. Mommy is thinking I'll take the hint and put those away in the next day or two. (Which is ok because between you and your brother our living room is overrun with baby and kid stuff! Although I'm a little sad to part with your swing...you used to love it and it was the perfect, safe, cozy spot to put you where I could see you while I did things around the house.)

You looooove to stand up. You've always had these strong little legs and even from very early on you liked to be held in a standing position. You plant those little feet and stand up straight and tall, like you're standing at attention...its cuuuuute. I put you in your big brother's old Exersaucer for the first time a few weeks ago. WHOA, that was a lot of stuff for you to look at, wasn't it? You're really starting to get excited about toys now (*so cute), especially anything that rattles or is crinkly or chewable, but after a short while in the Exersaucer all those noisy gadgets and toys are a little too much for you, aren't they? You're still a little wobbly in it too, so I think that makes you feel insecure. It'll grow on you!

You discovered your toes quite awhile ago now and you're always fiddling with them. I love it, oh I love it! I don't know why simply watching you grab your toes and trying to get them into your mouth is so delightful, but it just is. I can barely get your diapers changed anymore because you're always trying to pull your little legs up and get ahold of those toes!

You have big time food envy, oh my goodness. When you watch me and Daddy and your big brother eat we can see the longing in your eyes....I've started feeling mean eating in front of you. If we hold you while we eat you sometimes lunge for whatever we're stuffing in our mouths, or for those red plastic cups we often drink out of...you think those are way interesting! Earlier today you flailed wildly after Daddy's cup and knocked it right out of his hands, sending red Crystal Light flying everywhere (including all over Daddy and yourself!) Pretty soon Mommy will give you some rice cereal or baby food to try. (Mommy doesn't think that stuff is all that impressive, but who knows, you might love it!)

None of your teeth have made their big appearance yet, but we can kind of see those two little bottom teeth lurking under the surface. There have been days and phases where you've been cranky and gnawing on your hands and drooling like crazy, and an experimental dab of Orajel on your gums would calm you right down. So, I suspect those toofers are coming in...that's no fun, huh bud? One or two nights last week you weren't sleeping so well because I think your gums hurt, and I felt bad for you. (And for me. I was tired.)

Speaking of which...you're not a terrible sleeper, not a great sleeper, but somewhere in between. You had me fooled awhile back when you slept almost clear through the night a few times, except for maybe one feeding around 4 or 5 am...I was hoping that would become habit, but alas, you're still waking up several times in the night these days. Thankfully you fall right back to sleep after a diaper change and a quick feeding. Sometimes I'm so tired and you're so snuggly, I fall asleep with you in the glider for the rest of the night, until you either wake up again or daylight starts to creep through your windows! I think I need a less comfortable glider. (Or, you could start sleeping through the night! Please oh please?!)

You are such a sweet baby. Really, so sweet...everyone thinks so! You're generally happy except when you have good reason not to be: when you're hungry or possibly teething or tired or in need of a diaper change. Its a very rare thing for you to be fussy without a good explanation. You're easy, just like your big brother was. Boy, am I lucky to have such sweet, well-tempered babies! Or, as I remind myself, not just lucky, blessed.

You're so handsome these days (you always were, but moreso than ever!). We're pretty sure your eyes will be brown like your big brother, though sometimes we detect a hint of green. Your hair is turning blonder and getting longer. But don't worry, I won't be cutting off any of your sweet baby locks anytime soon. You don't have those funny long wispies that your brother did. Yet. Your bald spot on the back of your head (which was never really that bald) is growing in again and you have a long fringe of dark hair at the nape of your neck, just like your big brother did. You look more and more like him all the time...when I look at photos of you lately they look like they could be of your big brother!

You're a big boy...at each of your doctor's appointments you've usually measured somewhere in either the 80th or 90th percentiles for height and weight. Your 6-month appointment is in a couple of days and I'm very excited to see how much you've grown! ***Post Edit: You were 17 lbs 13 oz (57th percentile) and 27.5 in long (84th percentile). The doctor said you are "tall and husky" and that your growth is "phenomenal." Yay for a big healthy boy!

Boy are you a talker. You have definitely discovered how entertaining your voice can be! Sometimes you make low growling noises, sometimes you blow raspberries when you're bored or impatient or mad, and sometimes you screech for fun. Seriously baby, you can drown out the TV. But I love listening to you experiment with your little voice.

Your big brother is very, very interesting to you. No matter how fussy you may be, if I lay you next to him for story time, you don't make a peep except to giggle. (Those story times with you and Tommy are some of my favorite times...you really watch me and study my face while I read.) I think you really love your big brother. And I know he really loves you. He is so sweet to you and is always delighted in all the cute things you do, just like mommy and daddy. He always says, "Let me see that boy!" and loves to hold you, though he asks me to take you back pretty quickly these days because you are heavy! He loves trying to make you giggle and was pretty pleased when he made you laugh a week or two ago by playing "Peek-a-Boo!" I can't wait to see the good friends and playmates you two will become.

Other random tidbits...I would say you're a binky baby, but not quite so much so as your brother was. You always fiddle with your binkie, popping it in and out all the time. I think its sooooooo cute. You are incredibly curious about remote controls and calculators right now. What is it about boys and buttons? And this last month you took your first trip to the Zoo and came on your first sight-seeing trip up the Alpine Loop with us....we go every year in late September or early October. I was so excited to put you in the adorable "Gnome Sweater" that I got as a gift for your brother. Beyond cute.

I love you little baby, more than anything and everything! You are my beautiful, beloved boy and are nothing less than an angel sent to bless my life. You make me want to be stronger, work harder, and see life in a sweeter light. Just like the song says, I will always, always love you.

A Beautiful Song for a Beautiful Boy

2009-10-25T16:37:00.000-06:00

"In My Arms"

by Plumb

Your baby blues

so full of wonder
Your curly cues

your contagious smile
And as i watch

you start to grow up
All i can do is hold you tight

Knowing
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
Rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe
in my arms

Story books are full of fairy tales
of kings and queens

and the bluest skies
My heart is torn
just in knowing
you'll someday see
the truth from lies

When the
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
Rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe
in my arms

Castles they might crumble
dreams may not come true
but you are never all alone
because I will always
always love you

When the
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
Rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
But you will be safe
in my arms

in my arms

A TidBit from Tommy

2009-10-14T00:43:00.003-06:00

One day last week I chose to make a very rare excursion away from the house with both children, by myself.

A very big deal. I avoid going out while outnumbered as much as possible.

But I just had to get out of the house. I'm practically a hermit anymore, but I had hit my limit. It was one of those days that I didn't care how difficult it would be with both kids.

I just had to get out.

Getting ready took forever, like it always does for such trips. I hadn't even left yet and was getting a little exasperated and impatient with all the tasks still at hand. Thomas sensed my frustration and said "Mommy, you gotta go insane now!" (Or something of the like).

My child knows me all too well. I apparently use that phrase a lot.

So, "Yes!" I said, "I'm going insane!"

And my three-year-old asked, hopefully and sincerely, with a face full of innocence...

"Can I come?"

=)

2 Years and Counting...

2009-10-07T23:37:00.005-06:00

...that I have been blogging.

Woohoo, happy birthday blog!
(well, happy belated birthday...October 2nd was the big day.)

Wow, 2 years go by fast.

I was looking back through many of my old posts and thinking,

1. How adorable my little Tommy is, and how much he has changed in these couple dozen months.

2. How absolutely rotten I have been at blogging during 2009.

I keep trying to talk myself into giving myself a break about #2, because I was busy being pregnant (and crazy about nesting) and then had my 2nd baby in April, which has obviously made life much more busy.

But that makes me all the more sad...so much has happened, and I've been awful about recording it all. I've written so little about sweet baby Jacob on here in his first 5 months. I keep thinking I can catch up somehow, but time is scarce these days, especially uninterrupted time to get to the computer and write. (And downloading/going through my kajillion photos is a whole 'nother story.)

Ah, well. That's one thing I am consistently trying to teach myself these days...that sometimes (or most times, rather), it can't all be done.

=)

An Anniversary

2009-09-29T23:59:00.006-06:00

We had planned on taking a drive up Provo Canyon that Saturday, to see glorious Autumn and the changes it was bringing to the trees on the mountain. That mountain had become a special place for us, already full of memories.

I suspected the possibility, but not too seriously.

We followed the winding road up toward the top, talking and admiring the beauty all around us. We stopped at one of the turnouts, and after a bit of kissing in the car, we got out for a little hike.

The trail wasn't the easiest, but I happily followed him, taking careful steps down a steep incline until we ended up in a clearing of tall grass.

He stopped to hug me. It seemed strangely deliberate, but I obliged of course.

And then, as we embraced I looked over his shoulder, and there it was...

A red rose, lying in the tall grass.

My first thought? "Oh no. We've happened upon someone else's romantic gesture."

And then it dawned on me.

He was smiling. I picked up the rose. A long, thin piece of paper was curled and tucked carefully into the bloom. Written on it was one of our special memories together.

He led me along a trail through the tall grass, and I kept finding them, red rose after red rose, all with a note, a memory.

I was beginning to cry.

After passing through a gathering of trees there was another clearing, looking out over the hills and valleys. It was dusk. It was beautiful.

There stood a table with a white cloth and a vase full of more roses. Red, and one white rose in the center.

That rose held my last note...a wish that today would be one of the most beloved memories of our lives.

And then Ryan dropped to one knee, held out a ring and asked me the question that changed my life forever. I cried, dropped to my knees too, and said yes without a single doubt in my mind.

8 years ago today.

Lovable, Imaginary Blokes

2009-09-28T19:49:00.016-06:00

The other day I stayed up late into the evening to watch the lovely and gloriously long film featuring the gentleman above. And then today I watched it again, but fast-forwarded through to my favorite parts.

It was a joyous thing.

Oh, Mr. Darcy.

Do you ever feel sad that fictional characters are...fictional? Its easy to convince myself the man might have actually existed when his story is set 200 years ago and half a world away. But the sad truth is that a Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley never wooed a Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He is the captivating figment of a brilliant woman's imagination, and nothing more.

Fiction breaks our hearts. Why do we like fiction? Its lies, all lies I say! =)

Nonetheless, I'm becoming more and more impatient for a new film featuring a fictional literary heartthrob from our generation, represented by the gentleman below. Mock me if you will, but I cannot wait!

Always Remember

2009-09-11T14:09:00.003-06:00

Today is a busy day like any other day. I had the luck of getting both of my boys napping at the same time and I have a million things I could be doing, but there's a part of me that feels it would be wrong not to acknowledge the significance of this day.

I still find it surreal that such a horrifying and atrocious act of terrorism happened 8 years ago today. I remember exactly where I was when I first heard of the events of that morning. I was in college and not yet married, and I was driving in my car. I flipped on the radio for some music and every station was people talking animatedly. When I began to gather what they were talking about, I couldn't believe it...it was like "War of the Worlds." It didn't seem like it could be real. As soon as I arrived home at my apartment, I ran inside and turned the TV on, yelling for my roommates to come and watch. I was incredulous. I didn't know anybody in New York, but one of my roommates did, and we were terrified for her...she spent the day frantically trying to reach family members and friends while the rest of us were glued to the TV. The rest of the day is a blur to me, but I'm sure I cried.

It baffles me how anyone could commit such an awful crime against humanity. As I sat watching a documentary about 9/11 two days ago, the same feelings of incredulity washed through me as the footage flashed before my eyes again. I cried again. I cried, thinking about how people in those towers phoned their spouses and families to say goodbye, knowing they would die. Thinking about the people who discovered their loved ones were on one of the highjacked planes, and finding out they had died from a newscast. Thinking about the heroic firefighters and so many others who rushed into those buildings to save people, not knowing they were doomed to collapse, and lost their own lives. Thinking about the hundreds and hundreds of missing people flyers, whose families could only hope and pray for the unlikely chance that they were alive. So much loss, so much grief. I give my love and condolences to all those who suffered the loss of friends and loved ones that day.

But even after such a deep blow to our nation, it brought me new pride and confidence in my country as I watched the people of New York City working to help one another, and as I watched our nation band together in strength and pride. We would not let this horrible act of terrorism suppress our American spirit...rather, it reignited it.

I realize our nation is not perfect. There is a recession, there is dissatisfaction with our government in many ways. But despite its flaws, I believe this is a blessed nation, and a promised land. I love my country, and I am proud and grateful to be an American. May all those who seek to harm our country and its people be brought to justice. And may God bless the USA, now and forever.

And I will never forget.

Jacob's Blessing

2009-08-23T23:59:00.003-06:00

* Begun 7/30/09*

We blessed our little Jacob on July 12th, when he was right around 2 1/2 months old. It was a wonderful day! We were happy that so many of our family members were able to make it for our special day. Both my parents and Ryan's came, and almost all of our brothers and sisters and their spouses except for a few (we missed you Zane, Amber, Melissa and Seth!). Jacob was blessed the day after Thomas' 3rd birthday party, which was a lot to pack into one weekend, but Sunday was still a great day of getting to spend time with our families celebrating an important day for our sweet baby Jacob.

We have 9 am church and it has been a real challenge for us to get to church on time since Jacob was born. I was so nervous we would accidentally sleep in and miss getting to bless Jacob altogether! Thankfully that didn't happen, even though I was up quite late cleaning up after the birthday festivities the night before. I think I set 2 or 3 different alarms to make sure I got up as early as I needed to! I really wanted the morning to start out on a peaceful note and I tried very hard to make it so that we weren't too rushed Sunday morning. Thankfully the morning worked out so that the house was quiet for awhile (only possible 'cause Tommy slept in!) and Ryan was able to get some time to himself, to reflect and prepare and hold his little infant son while he thought about the blessing he would be giving. He did this with Thomas on the morning of his blessing day as well, and I remember thinking how sweet and special it was. And though we were in a tad of a rush right before getting out the door, we made it to church early! A miracle!!!

Ryan gave Jacob a wonderful blessing. Even though he has told me he's been nervous when giving our babies blessings, he sounds so calm to me, like it comes very easy to him. I won't write the blessing here, but I'm thankful to have the words recorded so we can be able to read it to Jacob someday. Jacob was lucky to have so many priesthood holders from our family helping to bless him--there was Ryan, his dad, his brothers Nathan and Eric, our brother-in-law Jon, my Dad, and my brothers Josh and Travis. And oh yeah...my 13-year-old brother Jared was able to participate in his own way too. He was too young to actually help bless Jacob, but he asked to hold the microphone for Ryan, and I was really glad he got to be a part of it all. =) I was also really grateful that my mom let Thomas sit by her during the blessing, so I didn't have to wrangle him and could really concentrate and listen to the blessing. Jacob was great during the blessing and didn't cry or fuss at all.

After sacrament we took a few pictures outside and then everyone headed over to our house for an early lunch. Since I'd just thrown Tommy's party the night before, I made it easy on myself for Sunday and just bought some sandwich platters and cookies from Costco, and we also had lots of chips and pop left over from Tommy's party. It was an enjoyable afternoon spent eating and talking with everyone, and it was extremely nice for me to have all the stressful parts of the weekend past me!

Though I was worried about the pressure of having both events on the same weekend, I was really glad that our families were able to come and be a part of our special days for both Thomas and Jacob. Ryan and I are so lucky to have not only our own little family with our two sweet boys, but our wonderful parents and siblings and their spouses too. We can honestly say they are our favorite people to spend time with, hands down!

Funny note: I was so worried that Jacob would go #2 and have a blow-out in his white blessing outfit during the short amount of time between when I put him in it (right before we left the house) and less than an hour later when he was blessed. I just sensed somehow that this was going to happen. Well, only moments before it was time for the blessing, Ryan was holding Jacob, and he turns to me and tells me that he felt Jacob just take a great big poo! Jacob was kind of wrapped in a blanket, so I peeked at his outfit, and sure enough, he had leaked. I had brought a second (though not as special) outfit just in case, but it was too close to the blessing to have time to change him, and it thankfully wasn't too big of a leak...not technically a blow-out like I had feared. So for the blessing Ryan just made sure he was semi-wrapped in the blanket so his poo-stain wasn't visible, and I took Jacob out to change him right after the blessing. I just knew it was gonna happen! (Though I ended up leaving him in the outfit until we got home, so he would have it on in our photos after church. The leak really wasn't too bad and I was sort of able to clean it up.)

Another thing was, in all of my work to make the morning go smoothly before we left for church that day, the one thing I didn't manage to do was find time to get a picture of Jacob in his blessing outfit. Then, of course, he soiled it at church, and I took it off the moment we got home. So, when I finally got around to it about a week and a half later, I put Jacob in his (washed) blessing outfit again and took some photos. Better late than never, right? Jacob's blessing outfit was the same one Thomas was blessed in, and they were also both blessed with the same blanket, which was made by my Grandma Kotter. Though the blessing outfit is really simple and not as fancy as some of those little white tuxes or suits, I really love it. I lucked out that it even fit Jacob (which it barely did), because Thomas was blessed at a little bit younger age than Jacob, and the size of the outfit was Newborn. I think it would be fun to have all our sons blessed in the same outfit and then frame it for a keepsake someday!

Tommy's Big #3

2009-08-19T23:59:00.001-06:00

(Started writing this one July 20th. *sigh*...I am forever and always playing catch up! And I gave up on narrowing down the pictures, I took waaaaay too many. Thus I resort to a slideshow. =)

My first baby turned 3 on July 10th...that is so amazing to me! These months and years have flown since he was that tiny baby placed in my arms. He's hardly a baby at all any more...now he's our tall, talkative, funny little boy, and he surprises us every day with something new he's learned to do or say. He and I watched some home videos of him when he was younger the other day (he LOVES watching himself!), and it hurt a little bit when I realized I'd already forgotten so much about how he looked and what he was like when he was littler. Its amazing how the slow passing of time can disguise how much our little ones change!!! Even though its a little sad for me to see him growing up so quickly, its fun anticipating all the new phases that are coming our way. I can't believe that in just 2 short years I will have a child old enough to go to elementary school!

Tommy's actual birthday was on Friday this year, but we decided to postpone his birthday party until Saturday evening so some of our family coming into town for Jacob's blessing the next day could make it to the party. (Yes...it was a very busy weekend!) So on Tommy's actual birthday, I told him we could do anything he wanted. One of the first things he wanted was to eat chips for breakfast! Later I made him chocolate cupcakes and he had a lot of fun helping me frost them. We had a little mini-party, just the four of us. Ryan and I sang happy birthday to him, after which he blew out his 3 candles and we chowed down on the cupcakes. We saved his "big" gift for his birthday party the next day, but he still got a nice little stack of gifts on his actual birthday! We gave him a couple new books, a DVD about tractors, a toy tractor and trailer (see a theme here?), a bunch of water toys and a blow-up swimming pool, which was really something I had been meaning to get anyway, not just for his birthday. He got to skip his nap and we spent the rest of the afternoon playing in his pool. We let him play and swim until he was dog-tired and then put him to bed. I think he had a pretty good birthday!

The next day we kept pretty busy getting ready for Tommy's party that night. I decided to throw him a John Deere tractor-themed party, and it was so fun to decorate for! I love the green and yellow John Deere colors and I found so many cute things to use...green and yellow M&M's (I love getting custom colored M&M at Zurchers) and I even discovered there are John Deere fruit snacks! We had lots of balloons (love balloons) in green and yellow and I also found some really cute white ones with little tractors all over them. I wish I had better photos of the decorations...my camera was not cooperating and most of the pictures kept turning out dark). Probably my favorite things of all were the favor boxes and the cute tire-shaped cups I got for Tommy and all the kids! I had fun designing the party invitations too...I used a photo I took myself of a John Deere tractor out in a field on my Mom's cousin's farm, where we had a family reunion last summer.

For Tommy's party we had a BBQ with just family...there were more than 20 of us, which is pretty big for a family party! Tommy was lucky to have both sets of Grandparents there, lots of his aunts and uncles and a bunch of his cousins. Thomas absolutely loved spending time with his cousins Julia, Anika, Aiden & Zander, and they had a ball with all the new toys he got! He got lots of fun new stuff from everyone...his first remote control car, a truck, a tractor, a helicopter, some cool new blocks, a toy hockey set, a Transformer (which he LOVES), and probably more stuff that I can't remember!

After he opened everyone's gifts we brought in his gift from Mommy & Daddy...the "Mighty Trike!" When I found this trike I thought it was the coolest one I'd ever seen...I love the huge wheels and the fact that its a John Deere (fit right in with the theme, which I couldn't help loving!). Its super sturdy and I'm hoping it will be around for a long time. With big gifts I really like trying to find things that are more classic and can be heirloom toys.

After we showed Thomas the trike he of course wanted to take it for a spin! So we all headed outside and Tommy hopped on. He's never had his own trike or bike before, but he pedaled like a pro! Julia hopped on the back right away and he drove her around. We spent the next little while outside, letting Tommy and the kids ride the trike and Tommy's toy 4-wheelers. It was a beautiful night, which I was happy about because the weather earlier in the day had been cloudy and ominous, making me think it was going to rain.

After we came back in we busted out Tommy's birthday cake, which was so cute and which I very much did NOT make. Walmart made it in fact, and it was good! I wish I was one of those talented, cake-decorating mothers, but I'm just not! I absolutely loved the cake, which looked like a plowed field with some little John Deere tractor toys on it. I saw a picture of it a long time ago and have been excited to get it forever. I actually almost did the John Deere theme for Tommy's 2nd birthday, but then ended up doing a "Radio Flyer" theme instead because he was getting a wagon. I was so in love with the cute John Deere theme though, so I decided to save it for this year, and I was so excited to finally throw Tommy his "tractor party!" (I know, I'm a nerd...but I love themes, they're fun!) I actually showed Tommy a picture of the "tractor cake" I was going to get him a couple of months before his party, and he was very excited about it....He even started telling some people about his "tractor cake" when his birthday was still weeks away!

When Tommy finally saw his birthday cake, he thought it was pretty cool! We all sang and he got to blow out his 3 candles a second time, then we chowed down. I really was surprised how good that cake was! We had lots left over that I thought would never get eaten, but I ended up polishing most of the rest off myself over the next few days! In fact, I could go for more of that cake right now...=)

Thomas still talks about his birthday party once in awhile, and how he "had a good party" or "I wish I could have another party!" That makes me so happy! I stress myself out a little each year getting ready for his birthday, but I still have lots of fun planning it...I like doing something special to make my little boy excited and happy!

P.S. I have now reached...

Woohoo!!!

4th of July at Yuba Lake

2009-08-17T11:37:00.001-06:00

(Written...or, began anyway...July 23rd.)

For the last several years on the 4th of July we've gone down to Payson Lakes to have a picnic with my family, but every year we've gone...seriously...it rains on us!!! So this year we decided to switch it up and do something different. My Aunt Teresa (my Mom' s sis) and Uncle Randy invited my parents to come spend the day at Yuba Lake (about an hour and a half South of us) where they were camping for the weekend, and we decided to tag along too. It was fun to be with a big group to celebrate the day, and my brother Zane and his family were there for the weekend too, which was great because they live in Montana and we hardly ever see them.

I had never even heard of Yuba Lake before, even though its less than 2 hours South of us. We loved it! The place was obviously popular because it was totally packed. The day was hot hot hot! Randy and Teresa have a camper and waverunners, and their good friends who were also there had a boat that they let us take rides in. We had a BBQ lunch and some of us lounged around in the shade of the camper while others swam or tanned or took turns on the waverunners. The beach and the water was perfect and Tommy loved it! He had a blast with Daddy taking (gentle) rides on the waverunner (and of course, Thomas had a lifejacket on the whole time).

I was a little too overwhelmed at the idea of getting into a swimsuit for the day, so I didn't, but later I regretted it. Who cares, right? I just had a baby! Jacob was definitely kept in the shade as much as possible and thankfully I had lots of hands to help me out with him so I could play a little bit too.

Yuba Lake had almost no sources of shade whatsoever, so it was so great of Teresa and Randy to let us crash their camper (with A/C) when it got too hot...I could nurse Jacob inside and they let me put him to sleep on their bed (even though he'd never stay asleep for more than a few minutes!). A few times Thomas was tired of being in the water or on the beach and just wanted to go inside and watch cartoons on their little TV. It was so nice. I totally want a camp trailer someday!

Even though I was fully dressed I still played in the water a bit anyway, in my capris...I took a couple rides on the waverunners with Ryan and then Randy took Ryan, Thomas and I for a spin on his friends' boat while baby Jacob hung out on shore with grandma. During our boat ride Thomas fell asleep on Ryan's lap, even with how fast and bumpy it was and with the wind in our faces! Its so crazy -- both times Thomas has ever been on a boat, he has fallen asleep...he did it last year on a boat-ride at our family reunion too. Huh.

Ryan also rode the innertube behind the boat a few times. He had Randy tie it up high so he'd be able to catch more air, and Randy gave him a few pretty challenging rides! Ryan did a seriously good job hanging on...it looked difficult too, because he was kneeling, not sitting. It was absolutely hilarious watching him...I could not stop laughing at the look on his face as he clung on as hard as he could, it was so funny! Tommy was worried when he saw Daddy biff it and get thrown into the water the first time, but I assured him Daddy was fine and was having fun. But man, even if I had had a swimsuit on, there would be no way I would've ridden that tube...biffing it looked a little scary to me too!

Later in the afternoon we and my parents packed up and headed back to their house, where we ate dinner and just hung out in the backyard talking, letting the kids play and just enjoying the evening. We ended up being too tired and lazy to set off any of our own fireworks (I'd forgotten to bring mine anyway), but the neighbors had some pretty good ones! It was a beautiful evening and I really enjoyed just sitting around talking with my family.

It was a great day and a great way to celebrate the freedom and prosperity we have been blessed with in this country. Even during a time that is considered a recession here, when jobs may be shaky or scarce, money may be tight, and luxuries may have to fall by the wayside, I believe we are all still incredibly blessed. I am so grateful to live in this great nation. God bless America, land that I love!

Briggs Reunion

2009-08-13T23:59:00.000-06:00

(I started writing this June 30th and then added a bit here and there over the weeks, but never finished it til now. So goes my blogging career...I start, procrastinate, then eventually finish. If only I wasn't so obsessed with recording all the details, maybe I could finish an entry in a single sitting for once!)

Over the weekend of June 19, 20th and 21st was the annual Briggs family reunion. Briggs is my mom's maiden name, and the reunion is in honor of her father's parents, Eli and Mary Briggs. Every year my grandpa and his siblings take turn hosting the reunion. This year it was my grandpa's turn, which made it particularly special for me because it was held at his ranch in Whitehall, Montana, where I haven't been for a couple of years, and where the reunion hasn't been for 6 or so years. I love Montana and miss it so much...I was looking forward to going to the reunion for months! It was our first time traveling out of town since Jacob was born...traveling almost 7 hours with two kids was a little bit stressful, but thankfully little baby Jacob did pretty well on the way there (the way home was another story!).

My extended family is absolutely huge, and at these reunions every year I have a difficult time remembering names and how I'm related to everybody. There's many people I don't know or recognize at all! I think somebody told me the count for the reunion this year was 104 people! I was especially excited because every single one of my aunts and uncles was there this year. My mom is the oldest of 9 children, so I got a lotta aunts and uncles, and I haven't seen many of them for years and years. I love them all and it was so great to see them, and of course my wonderful grandparents too. And my cousins....wow. They're all grown-up! Since my mom is the oldest in her family, me and my brothers were always the older cousins. I remember growing up, it seemed all my cousins were just babies and toddlers running around our feet. Now they're all graduating high school and college and some of them are getting married! Aaaah!!! I'm getting old!

The weekend consisted of lots of visiting, eating (gooooood food on the ranch, I tell you), and trying to keep dry! Unfortunately it rained and rained most of the weekend, so the weather wasn't ideal for a lot of the activities that had been planned, but the little kids LOVED it! They were having a ball playing in the rain and especially in the mud that was everywhere! We parents didn't love that so much. I tried to keep Thomas out of the mud and rain the best I could, but it was no use...eventually I just gave in. At one point he and his little cousins ended up ankle deep in a big ole mud puddle over by the barn that probably also contained horse poo....ugh! To look at them, soaking wet out in the rain and the cold, you'd think they'd be miserable, but they were having a grand time! I worried a lot because I failed to really prepare for the possibility of cold weather. I brought lots of changes of clothing because I knew Thomas would probably get filthy running around the ranch, but most of them weren't nearly warm enough for the weekend! I only brought one light coat, and before the trip he didn't even have any shoes besides sandals that fit him. Luckily I did go buy him a new pair of sneakers to wear. Thomas of course ended up getting himself, his clothes, his coat and shoes repeatedly soaked and filthy, so we did a lot of bathing and washing clothes and borrowing clothes from cousins!

Tommy had a fun milestone over the course of the weekend...he took his first ever ride on a horse! A few of the little kids were begging to take horse rides, so my grandpa got one of his horses saddled up and led each kid around the corral on a slow, easy ride. It really brought back memories of visiting the ranch growing up...I was always so excited when I got to ride the horses and I loved watching the rodeos my family would put on. My grandpa has his own rodeo arena, and in fact, my lovely mother used to be a Rodeo Queen. =) Thomas was so impatient for his turn on the horse...he kept freaking out and yelling over and over, desperately, that it was his turn! He could hardly stand the anticipation!

Even though we had to stay holed up in the barn or the houses or camp trailers most of the weekend because of the rain, we were still able to par-tay! One night we did Karaoke, which I absolutely love! I sang a couple of songs, and Thomas got really interested and said he wanted to sing. They got Twinkle Twinkle Little Star going for him, but he chickened out and I ended up having to go solo. (I think he really, really just wanted to play with the microphone!) They also had a live band and dancing another night, during which Tommy demonstrated his moves...he loves to dance! At one point one cute little girl (yes, we're related to her but I don't even remember how or what her name was) partnered up with him, and the two of them were pretty enthusiastic and adorable little dancers!

One tradition I love is the family auction we have at the reunion every year. Everybody is asked to bring some unwanted (but nice) things or to make something to bring (like a quilt) to be auctioned off to pay for the reunion the following year. Its a great way to pay for the reunions and I always look forward to it! Last year I ended up buying one of the quilts at the auction for quite a pretty penny (but it was worth it, I love that thing!), so this year Ryan forbade me to buy any of the more expensive items! But we did get a couple smaller things to help contribute to the fund. Its always fun to see what people bring and watch the battles that ensue when people are trying to out-bid each other.

On the Sunday morning of the reunion, usually everyone just has breakfast and then packs up and heads home. But this year, Sunday was a special day because my niece Anika, the daughter of my oldest brother Josh, had just turned 8 about a month before the reunion, and decided to be baptized that weekend during the reunion, since all the family would be together. We had a nice little service on Sunday in the yard of my Uncle Jeff, who lives right next to my grandparents. My two brothers Zane and Travis gave short talks, then we headed over to the pond for the baptism. Anika was the first of Josh's children to be baptized and he got kind of emotional during the baptism, which I thought was very sweet. It was cool being at a baptism in the great outdoors...I don't think I've ever experienced that before. Afterward we all headed over to the barn for Anika's confirmation and then had lunch one last time before Ryan and I headed home. Our trip home wasn't exactly pleasant, as Jacob was very unhappy in his carseat the majority of the way, and we ended up getting home very late because of frequent stops, but...we survived!

I felt especially bad because it was Father's Day on the day we drove home, and in getting ready for the reunion I didn't find time to get Ryan (or my own Dad even!) a gift in time...I did get them cards, but I didn't end up writing in them or giving them to their recipients! (Please know, both Ryan and Dad and Grandpa too, what wonderful fathers you are and how much I love you. Sorry I dropped the ball on Father's Day this year!) I did, at Ryan's request, drive the whole 7 hours home, which is extremely unusual for me. And I don't especially love driving his giant, lifted pickup truck! Ryan always drives when we are together, I think because we both prefer it. I think my driving makes him nervous, and his being nervous at my driving makes me feel nervous while driving. Therefore, he usually drives!

Even though it was a bit of a crazy weekend, being the first time I'd been away from home with two children, it was a great weekend spent with family and I was so happy to see everyone. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people to call family and I love them all so much! I loved getting to see everyone I've been missing for so long and spending time at my grandparents ranch where I have so many beloved childhood memories.

July?

2009-07-31T15:22:00.010-06:00

Where have you gone? Its your last day already? And summer...you are already two-thirds over? Wow. I could say I don't know where the time went, but Ryan pointed out yesterday that it was probably just about the busiest June and July we've ever had. Very true. There's sooooooo much for me to write about, and finding the time is getting harder and harder! But I am still going to try and catch up.....don't know how that's gonna go. I think it will take me half of August to do it! (And I think I'm writing this blog entry to procrastinate!)

When we were talking yesterday about how summer has gone by so quickly, Ryan started panicking a bit about winter coming. Already. I couldn't help but laugh, as winter is nowhere near imminent quite yet, but I can see where he's coming from. The months are flying! I don't much like winter, but take that statement and multiply it by about 10,000 for Ryan. I hear him repeat the sentence "I hate winter" constantly over the course of the cold and snowy months. I can relate to the reasons why he dislikes it so much...he grew up in Wyoming and I grew up in Montana, both places where winters are hard-core freezing and often feel like they last 6 months long. Not fun. Ryan's fondest dream is to move to Hawaii someday. He would move us there tomorrow if he had his way, and if he wasn't worried about a job!

But I'm starting to get excited for probably my favorite times of year...indian summer and fall. I remember indian summers in Montana when I was growing up...so many evenings I would sit out on our trampoline and watch the sun go down, and I would often wonder if I would ever see a sky as beautiful as that one ever again. Thinking about that makes me miss Montana and Billings and my old blue house so much! Curse the people who bought it for painting it mustard yellow...that really bugs me.

And fall. I loooooove fall. I love when it finally starts to cool down and you begin to sense the briskness in the air. I love the colors and the smells and even the fact that school is starting, even though no one in my family is really in school. (But I miss school! I love the beginning of fall semester at BYU.) I love that quote from the movie "You've Got Mail," about how fall "makes me want to go out and buy school supplies!" and make "a bouquet of sharpened pencils." I totally agree! =) And Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, I love it, I can't wait! I'm already wondering what the boys and I will dress up as.

Anywho...wow, this was a bit of a random post. Oh well! On to catching up...

Thank You, Nie Nie

2009-07-15T23:59:00.008-06:00

I feel a little guilty about my previous post. I am such a whiner sometimes, I can be so ungrateful. My life is good. Not perfect, but good, and I should remember that. Sometimes I come to realize that what I focus on so much as problems, really aren't problems at all.

Just now I went to read Nie Nie's blog. I always seem to find myself wandering over to her blog when I am feeling down, or overwhelmed, or sorry for myself in any way. Reading what she writes grounds me immediately, humbles me every time. I always cry when I read her blog.

I don't know Nie Nie at all in real life...I only know of her. Many people already know who she is, but if you haven't heard of Nie Nie (pronounced Nee-Nee), she has a sad but amazing story. Her real name is Stephanie Nielsen, and she and her husband, who are a young couple with four children, were in a terrible private plane crash almost one year ago now. They both miraculously survived, but both suffered terrible burns. Stephanie got the worst of it....burns on 80% of her body. Almost one year later she is still in a very long state of recovery. She suffers from chronic pain, has had to undergo many surgeries, lots of therapy, and has to retrain her body to do simple things we all take for granted. And yet she handles this huge trial with amazing courage, humor, grace and faith. Though she definitely doesn't pretend that she doesn't struggle, she lives her life in an amazing way, to the fullest that she possibly can.

Even from the first time I read her blog, I could tell she is one of those kind, beautiful, passionate people that everyone loves and wishes they could be like. She is an amazing wife and mother. In fact, she's so incredibly talented as a wife and mother that when I first read her blog I couldn't help feeling self-conscious and envious, wishing I were more like her. The way she talks about her children and especially her husband is so sweet, sometimes humorous, always reverent. She has a true artistic flair and is always creating beautiful things, or surrounding herself with them. She began blogging long before the plane crash happened, and as I read her blogs from both before and after the crash, and learned about the creative and passionate person she is, I saw that her accident hasn't changed her in that way at all. She has a real, true challenge, something physical and painful that is a struggle every single day, and yet she lives her life with such beauty and grace and courage, and has such a positive (and funny!) outlook despite all her struggles. On top of all her amazing qualities, she has incredible faith. She never loses sight of what's important, of the eternal things. I'm not even close to being where she is. I think that's why I'm drawn to what she writes when I'm having my own struggles...what she writes puts things into perspective for me, and reminds me of what is truly significant. After reading her blog, all the little things I was so worried about don't feel important at all.

Nie Nie, you are a strong, beautiful woman who inspires me to be better. I want to be like you. Thank you.

If you haven't read her blog yet, go there.
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

Sigh

2009-07-14T23:59:00.004-06:00

This photo reminds me a lot of my life right now. Though my "line of work" (stay-at-home-mommy-hood) is very much not in an office, I feel like task after task and project after project is just starting to pile up in the inbox in my head. Along with the demands of my "everyday" job, which revolves around laundry and dishes and diapers and feedings, I have a thousand things I want to accomplish on the enormous, never-ending to-do list in my mind ! Potty-train my toddler, finally get around to hanging all the pictures in our house (not a single one hung in the year we've been here), finish decorating the boys' rooms, finally get all my paperwork filed and organized, organize my photos and make digital scrapbook albums for the boys (not a single page done), get on a regular exercise regimen, go through all the stuff in the basement and organize everything into our new storage room, get our food storage going, finally get ready for the yard sale I keep talking about having...it never ends. My fondest dream is to have it all done, to be completely caught up and have my home to a point where all that is necessary is a little everyday maintenance. With every big project done. To reach a point, someday, once, where I can truly say...I have nothing. to. do. Ha! Like that will ever happen!

And then, along with all of this, is what has also become a chore, in its own way: Blogging. I like blogging. Truly, I do! But its become another thing on my infinite to-do list! I am constantly thinking about things I want to write about and scrambling, trying to figure out when I can find time to get to the computer for more than a few minutes. Its nearly impossible these days! But even when it starts to feel bothersome, I desperately, desperately want to be good at writing about my life (commonplace as it may be). I regret so much that I didn't keep any form of journal, except for maybe a few measly entries, through some of the most eventful times of my life: when I was a teenager, when I was a college student, when I was dating Ryan and then engaged to Ryan, when I was first married. Its sad that I can never go back and read what the past me was feeling and thinking, especially during some of the most memorable or funny or challenging times. So I want to try and be at least somewhat diligent about journaling this period in my life. When I was young, I used to love opening up my mom and dad's old journals and reading through them, about when me and my brothers were born or when we were young. I want my kids to be able to do that. Even though I've failed to write much about myself growing up, I don't want to miss out writing about my kids. Because not only will they want to read about times they don't remember...I will want to read about the times I know I will probably forget. I already enjoy reading my own blogs from a year ago! So when blogging/journaling starts to stress me out, I remind myself that someday it will be wonderful and worth it and entertaining to read all about my life as a young mom, and that I won't care one bit then whether the kitchen was clean or the laundry done the day that I wrote.

I've also begun to realize that this period of time...summer...stresses me out pretty much every year. That sounds sad!...Summer should be the relaxing time, but I almost always start to feel a little overwhelmed! The moment this season arrives it seems Ryan and I are slammed with so many events and celebrations and trips coming up that we start to feel like we practically have the whole summer planned from the beginning! The past few weeks have been particularly busy for us. On top of the fact that the busy-ness of the past month has made it very hard to get around to blogging, the busy-ness has created SO many things I want and need to write about! These are all of our events from just about one month ago to now: Ryan's birthday, Father's Day, Family Reunion in Montana, Ryan's trip to Mexico, Fourth of July, my birthday, Thomas' birthday, Jacob's blessing. AAAAAH! I am starting to think about my blog like I think about my laundry...if I can just get all caught up and then do one load(/blog) a day, maybe I can always keep up with it! That shouldn't be so hard right???

And it would probably help if I learned to finish what I started...I often start blog entries and then never manage to finish and publish them. And this is not helped by the fact that I am generally long-winded! I finally decided to post a couple of entries I started writing at the end of June that in my mind weren't finished, because I hadn't written all the details or they didn't have photos with them or whatever, but I finally just decided to post anyway. I am determined to catch up eventually, but it is overwhelming...along with this last month, there are other things from even further back that I've been meaning to write about. Like Hawaii, from clear back in January!!! How pathetic am I!!?!?!?!

*Sigh*.

Jacob at 2 months

2009-06-30T23:56:00.006-06:00

Its amazing how fast time goes after a baby is born and how quickly newborns change! As of June 25th my brand new baby turned 2 months old. He's starting to get so fun....he's cooing, smiling, and just getting cuter and more handsome. I fall in love with him more every day! I am so excited for all the phases that are to come!

Jacob had his 2-month well check on the exact day he turned 2 months, and the word the doctor kept using over and over as he examined him was "outstanding." As the doctor said how pleased he was with Jacob's development and growth, I just couldn't help feeling so incredibly grateful for my two healthy children...I've come to realize it really is a great, great blessing to have a healthy child, and I don't take it for granted.

Jacob continues to be a big boy, just like his big brother has always been...at his checkup Jacob's weight was in the 87th percentile and his height was in the 97th percentile. I love that my boys are tall for their age! I keep imagining them both when they're in their late teens or early 20s, as these two 6 ft 3 (or something), handsome men. I keep imagining how all the girls will talk about how gorgeous Tom and Jake Laidlaw are! I definitely sound like a gloating mom, but I can't help it! I'm sure all other mothers imagine the same kind of things sometimes. =)

I adore all the sweet little sounds Jacob has begun to make...my favorite is what I call the "Goo" sound, which he does ever-so-softly, and this gurgly little "Gggggg" sound that Thomas loves too, and always tries to imitate. I also love the sweet little smiles Jacob gives us. When he was younger we used to think he was kind of smiling at us sometimes and of course he would smile in his sleep sometimes, but now they are starting to feel more and more like real smiles. I can't wait for all the cute smiling and giggling that is to come and to watch his personality really blossom over the course of his first year. Even though I've always wanted multiple children anyway, I know now one of the big reasons why people have more than 1 child...it is so fun and wonderful to watch a child grow and develop and discover in the first few years! I look at Thomas, my big 'n' tall kid, and its amazing to remember that he was once a tiny 2-month-old baby just like Jacob!

Ryan is 30!!!

2009-06-30T23:25:00.007-06:00

This is quite late now, but on June 14th my hubby turned the big 3-0!!! It is so surreal to me that so much time has passed since Ryan was the 22-year-old guy that swept me off my feet! Though I still have 3 more years til I turn 30, I already feel very much like Ryan and I are starting that phase of life, the era of "We're in our 30s." Its a strange feeling to me!

Ryan's actual birthday fell on Sunday this year, so we went out on a date together Friday night to celebrate (Saturday all our babysitters were busy). My mom babysat Thomas and Jacob, and it was glorious to have a kid-free evening! (It was the first time we've gotten a babysitter for both kids, and the first time we've had anyone babysit Jacob. Thankfully he did great!) We went out to dinner at Red Lobster, which is a particular birthday gesture to Ryan from me...we almost always go out to seafood on his birthday each year because I am not the biggest seafood fan and its the only time I am willing to go without trying to talk him out of it! We went absolutely all out...we had a snow crab appetizer, and Ryan got a big ole platter that had lobster and several other entrees. Though the only seafood I generally like is Halibut, I tried Tilapia and I did actually like it!

One funny story from dinner were our drinks. We love to get specialty drinks, but of course only non-alcoholic. Our waitress told us that if we ordered a specialty drink without the alcohol, we could get double the size for just 75 cents more (since of course, drinks are cheaper without the alcohol). She kind of talked us into it so we decided to go ahead and do it, and MAN were those things huge! We felt like we were drinking out of a small fish bowl! Ryan had a big ole Bahama Mama and I had a Strawberry Daquiri (mmmmm). On top of that, Ryan also got an IBC root beer in the bottle. So, here we are, with these two giant, alcoholic-appearing specialty drinks and Ryan also has what looks very much like a beer bottle! We kept wondering if people were watching us, because we were pretty giddy and laughing all through dinner, and our big ole drinks probably made it look like we were just partying it up!

After dinner we went and saw "Wolverine," which we both liked pretty well. We love comic-book/super-hero movies! Going to the movies anymore is a huge treat for us...we used to go pretty much once a week before we had kids, and I don't know about Ryan, but I go through serious movie-theater withdrawals, especially because we would commonly go see movies right after they came out. Now we're lucky to find time to watch the movies we get through Netflix!

As for a birthday present, I really wanted to give Ryan something big this year, but he's seriously difficult to get gifts for...he pretty much will get for himself whatever he needs or wants! But he came up with an idea of his own...some time back he came up with the idea of going on a snorkeling trip with his Dad and brothers, because they all really love snorkeling. So Ryan got serious about the idea as his birthday approached, and they all started talking about going and trying to make it happen. They actually worked out the dates between all of them and went on a 5-day trip to Cozumel, Mexico! It was Ryan, his dad, his brothers Nate and Eric, and our brother-in-law Jon. They all had an awesome time, of course! They did lots of snorkeling where they took lots of amazing underwater photos and also toured some of the ruins, and also did lots of eating. Ryan keeps saying how amazing the food they had was, especially because they ate at a lot of places that were more local dives than tourist-y restaurants. It was particularly easy and comfortable for them to navigate in Mexico because 3 of the 5 of them speak Spanish...Ryan served his mission in El Salvador, Nate served in the Dominican Republican, and Ryan's dad served in New York City, Spanish speaking.

I can't say I wasn't (very) jealous that Ryan got to go on this awesome (kid-free) vacation, (I'm not a saint!) but I'm really glad he got to do something momentous for his 30-th birthday...I'm big on celebrating and recognizing birthdays, and especially milestone ones. But now me and all my sisters-in-law that were also left at home are thinking we definitely deserve an all-girls, kid-free vacation!

Sweet Newborn Jacob

2009-06-06T13:39:00.008-06:00

On Friday, May 8th I took Jacob to get newborn photos taken while my mom babysat Thomas. Jacob was one day shy of 2 weeks old at the time. I've been waiting impatiently to get the CD with all the photos back, and I finally got it a few days ago! The pictures turned out gorgeous...I am so excited to have these beautiful images of my little newborn Jacob to treasure forever! Sorry for the long procession of photos following...I tried to narrow it down, but there are so many I love, and then on top of that its really hard to decide whether I like the color or B&W version best!

I really thought I wouldn't like the photos with me in them, but I was pleasantly surprised! I'm sure she must have photo-shopped my face like crazy (for which I'm grateful!)...I know my skin doesn't look that good in real life, and I look 5 years younger!

With Thomas, I never got any pictures taken of him when he was a newborn, and I have always and forever regretted it. I think the reason I didn't was because I felt nervous and guilty taking a brand-new little baby out in public and exposing him to everything so soon just to get pictures taken. I actually felt a lot the same this time around too...I wasn't feeling ready to brave the mall and take Jacob to Kiddie Kandids or JCPenney or somewhere like that. But a friend from my ward referred me to an awesome photographer who worked out of her home, Skye Johansen. She lives relatively close to me and has a cool studio in her basement, and she only does maternity, newborn and child photography. I get super stressed about getting professional photos taken, but Skye was so awesome and completely put me at ease. I also really lucked out that I was even able to get a session with her...I had put off planning the pictures and when when I finally realized I better get around to setting something up or it would be too late, I emailed Skye to see if she had any openings or if she could squeeze me in soon somehow. She emailed back and told me someone had just cancelled a session for a couple days later, so I totally lucked out! I had been so worried that the stress of figuring out and setting up pictures would keep me from getting them done at all, and that I would, again, be sad and regretful about it. I'm so glad it worked out and that wasn't the case!

It was so nice to just go to someone's home where it was nice and quiet for these photos. Skye took lots of time with us, over two hours! I could stop and feed Jacob when I needed to, and she was so great and obviously experienced at working with a little tiny newborn...because its the majority of what she does! She was fabulous. If you are interested check out the link to her blog on my "Favorite Sites" list.

P.S. When Ryan and I went to Hawaii with his family in January (which I never finished my blog post for, I feel so bad...I still plan to, it just got really, really long before I was even halfway through, and I have about 500 photos to decide from!) we had professional family pictures taken of Ryan and Thomas and I. I felt a little silly getting family photos taken when I was pregnant and we were going to have a new member of our family in only a few months, but I decided to anyway because we hadn't had any family photos taken for the last two years, and I thought it would be an incredibly cool opportunity to have photos taken in Hawaii! I was also excited to get some maternity shots of me and some photos of Thomas right at 2 1/2. Plus, I won't be getting new family photos of all four of us until the fall, when Jacob is older. (*Sigh* my poor husband. He thinks I'm photo-obsessed. And admittedly, I pretty much am. But aren't most moms?) So, we got to see all the photo proofs quite some time ago and I LOVE them, but I'm such a dork and have never gotten around to paying for the CD so the photographer can send it to me. I'm doing it this week. But she did post one of the photos of Thomas on her blog as a little preview for us, and I positively LOVE it. So I thought I would just throw it in the mix and add it to this post. I have such beautiful boys!

Even though I will be getting around to it ridiculously late, I can't wait to post the rest of our Hawaii family photos when I get the CD!

6 Weeks Old!

2009-06-06T12:14:00.003-06:00

I actually started this as a "One Month Old" update, but never really got around to finishing it! That is the way my life seems to go lately...its been very hard to find time to write, and especially to finish writing! And it really doesn't help that I am so long-winded! So I just decided to add on to what I had.

I can't believe how fast these weeks have gone! Jacob is exactly 6 weeks old today! I know every mother says it constantly, but really, where does the time go? Before I know it, it will be Jacob's 1st birthday~ I'm already telling myself to grasp on to the days and weeks because I know they will disappear in a flash! I will be so sad when all Jacob's sweet little newborn mannerisms fade away...all the cute sounds he makes, the way he cries, I even think the "startle reflex" is cute! But, at least I can look forward to all the new milestones that are to come, like the cooing and babbling and smiling and laughing! (Though we do get some smiles out of Jacob every so often already...I have yet to really catch one on camera, but its soooooooo cute!)

I can really see how much Jacob is changing from week to week, and even day to day...usually parents have a harder time noticing the growth of their kids than other people because they're with their kids constantly, but I really can see how much bigger he is, all the time! He seems huge to me sometimes! For awhile now he's been grown out of all his sweet, tiny little newborn clothes and newborn-size diapers, and though it was very much expected, it makes me sad!

One thing that really impresses me about Jacob is how strong he is! Very early on we noticed he was very good at holding up and supporting his own head and looking around...of course his head is still a tiny bit wobbly and in need of support, but he amazes me with how strong his neck is and how good he can hold up his own noggin! And his legs are SO strong and getting stronger all the time...he works really hard to push off with his legs and when we hold him up so he's "standing," he can bear what seems like almost all of his weight on his legs...we can be barely holding on to him and he's practically supporting all his own weight! So we have ourselves a Little Mr. Strongman! Am I going to have an early crawler/walker? (I sure hope not! I vote for immobility for as long as possible, please!)

I am very pleased and extremely lucky to report that this little guy is still very much in the habit of sleeping longer stretches at night. It really is just complete luck as I haven't done much to put him on a regular schedule or anything yet, and I'm not really following any particular method. I'm pretty much just feeding him on demand for now. And though its not as pronounced as when he was brand new, he really is a little eating machine sometimes! I am usually too groggy to pay attention to the exact times he wakes up to nurse at night (or I don't even bother putting my glasses on and therefore can't read the alarm clock), but there's been a few times where he's slept around 6 hours straight. Woohoo! I really hope Jacob follows in his big brother's footsteps and continues to be a good sleeper!

I'm also so glad to say that Jacob's clogged tear duct in the one eye already cleared up, all on its own, 2 or 3 weeks ago. I felt so bad with how often his eye would just be gunky and nasty, which was pretty much all the time, even though I was constantly cleaning it! I never realized how much work the tear ducts really do to keep our eyes clean!

Though Jacob has a mellow temperament a lot like Tommy did as a baby, Jacob is different than Tommy was as a baby in a few ways. Thomas had a full head of hair at this age, and Jacob's is a little bit more like old man hair! Every time I bathe Jacob it seems more of this hair in the front falls out, making him look a little like he has a receding hairline. And then, he has this long fringe of hair in the back at the nape of his neck, kind of like a little mullet! I think he's so handsome though. =) Jacob isn't incredibly fond of his bouncy chair, whereas Thomas practically lived in his bouncy chair for several months. I also didn't think Jacob liked pacifiers at first, whereas Thomas was a binky baby from day one. Jacob didn't like the Soothies, which is what Thomas always used. So I tried a couple different kinds of binkies and found one kind that Jacob seems to like pretty well. One thing Jacob does seem to like, most of the time, is his swing! I didn't have a swing with Thomas, so I was really excited to get one for Jacob. Most of the time he likes it and will go to sleep in it easily. And he's started watching the little mobile above the swing...its so fun to watch him now that his vision is improving and he is able to see things better. Its especially fun when he watches our faces and studies them. I always wonder, what is he thinking?

Even though he likes his swing pretty well most of the time, I really think Jacob just loves to be held more than anything! He'll go to sleep in my arms easier than anywhere else, and if I keep holding him he'll stay asleep for what seems a loooooong time! In fact, at night when I wake up to nurse him, I often end up just sleeping for hours in the glider while holding him. Its not always on purpose, sometimes I just doze off. Yeah, I'm not exactly getting the most quality sleep these days, since I seriously am sleeping in the glider most of the time! But I think I'm often hesitant to get up and lay Jacob in his bassinet again because he often wakes up when I do. Plus, its just fun to hold and cuddle my sleeping, curled up, cozy little guy!

Jacob is also a great nurser. Nursing has been going well in general, for which I am sooooo grateful. With Thomas I was in serious pain for the first two months, and it was hard to cope with...I remember crying sometimes during those first weeks because it hurt so bad, and wondering if it would always be painful. With Jacob I've had very little discomfort at all! And he's a quick nurser...it seemed like Thomas took forever to nurse when he was a newborn, but Jacob has always seemed fast! But it could also have a lot to do with the fact that I'm experienced this time around. I'm so glad nursing is going well, because I knew that just because it went well with my first baby didn't mean it was going to be the same with my second. So I'm incredibly happy that its not only going just as well as the first time, but better!

One of the sweetest things to see is how affectionate Thomas is with Jacob. Tommy can't hardly pass by Jacob a single time without stopping to give him a kiss on the head! And Tommy loves giving Jacob his binky...of course, like all toddlers, Tommy can be a little over-helpful or over-enthusiastic sometimes! Jacob can be fast asleep and perfectly happy, and Thomas will find his binky and try to shove it in his face! Or Thomas will try to bounce him in his bouncy chair a little too hard, or push his swing too fast, or he goes to give Jacob a hug and kind of smothers him sometimes...but we know his intentions are good. He really does love his little brother! Sometimes I feel bad, because I don't want to discourage Tommy from being affectionate or attentive to Jacob, but we often find ourselves having to say (especially when Jacob is sleeping), "Tommy, just leave him alone!" But he's a great big brother. Thomas does seem to throw worse tantrums than I think he used to and some things are often "the end of the world" to him, as I always say, but he has never shown anything but love and affection toward Jacob. If there is any sibling envy behind his tantrums, I'm much happier that Thomas is taking it out on his parents rather than his little brother! Though I by no means want to wish away any part of Tommy & Jacob's youth, I'm so excited to watch them together as the months and years pass. It will be so fun when Jacob is a little older and I can see them playing and interacting together more, and hopefully becoming best friends!

Jacob's Birth Day

2009-05-20T23:16:00.062-06:00

I've been meaning to sit down and write all about the day Jacob was born and "how it all happened." It was definitely a little adventure! I decided I better write about it soon before my memory gets fuzzy. I can't believe my baby boy is already going to be one month old in just a few days! I know he's still tiny, but at the same time he is already looking so much bigger to me! I am truly panicking about how fast my little one is going to grow up!

The day Jacob was born...Saturday, April 25th, 3 days after my due date...I woke up with no clue that it would be "the day." I had been having "practice" contractions over the previous days and weeks, but they were sporatic and had only ever felt somewhat uncomfortable at their worst...nothing that felt like "the real thing" to me. Well, late that Saturday morning, I don't even remember around what time, I had some contractions again, but this time they were moving out of the realm of uncomfortable into slightly painful. I didn't think too much about it at first because it was only slight pain and they weren't coming frequently. Ryan was on the computer and Thomas was distracted watching TV or playing with his toys, so I went into the office and sat in the recliner and talked with Ryan for awhile, then ended up dozing off. Ryan sensed something was really happening (he told me this later) because he let me sleep and when I woke up he had completely cleaned the kitchen and the kitchen floor til they were gleaming. After I woke up I continued to have contractions here and there, and they were continuing to be painful. This was in the afternoon sometime...I really didn't keep very good track of time! As time went on I started having a harder time with the contractions, and we decided we better start paying attention to how often they were coming. We realized they were coming just about every 10 minutes. At this point, Ryan was feeling way more convinced that something was seriously happening than I was. But we decided that if they kept coming and getting painful that we would call my mom so she could come out to be with Thomas, just in case we had to go to the hospital. (We would have just brought Thomas to the hospital with us and had my mom meet us there and take him to her house to stay, but he had the croupe at the time, and my brother and his wife and their 2 kids were staying with my parents, and I didn't want Thomas to get my niece and nephew sick...the croupe is very contagious). So, the contractions kept up and finally, when it was almost 5 pm, we go to call my mom. So I try, and I can't get ahold of her! Later I found out she was out running errands and had her phone with her, but it was on silent. It wasn't a big deal though, because Ryan's sister Sara lives even closer to us than my Mom, and I had asked her if she could kind of be "on call" along with my Mom as I approached and then passed my due date. So we called Sara about 5:20 pm and told her we thought something was probably happening, and asked if she could just come be with Thomas til we got a hold of my mom and she could come out to stay the night with him at our house.

Thankfully, unlike when I went into labor with Thomas, I was ready and packed for the hospital and most of my stuff had already been in my car for several days, and we only had to grab a few additional things to bring. Sara arrived shortly before 6 pm and Ryan was earnestly trying to get me out the door while I just kept talking to Sara. He was really getting nervous!!! Finally he got me out the door right about 6, and I guess by then I was pretty convinced it was really happening. It was hard not to be skeptical though! With my first baby, when I first went into labor, my contractions were pretty painful and coming just about 5 minutes apart for a few hours, and when we went to the hospital the first time, they sent us home! And I kept contracting like that for about 21 more hours before Thomas was born! So I was wondering if the same thing was going to happen with this baby boy...I really didn't want to show up at the hospital and get sent home again!

Well, as Ryan and I drove the 20-25 minutes it takes to get to the hospital, I finally became convinced that our baby really was close to arriving. (There are closer hospitals to us, but I loved the hospital I delivered Thomas at...Orem Community Hospital...and wanted to deliver there again, even though we've moved a little further away since then.) As we drove my contractions were getting worse, and with each one I really started feeling the urge to "bear down", or push, basically. This frightened me because it was an urge that was very hard to resist! I hadn't felt that at ALL when I was in labor with my first baby...when I talked with the nurses about it later they said it was because my first baby was posterior (facing the wrong way), and that the way pressure is applied when a posterior baby advances through the birth canal is often different, and might not cause the urge to bear down (though a posterior baby often causes back labor instead, which I definitely had a lot of with Thomas). Jacob was not posterior, and the urge to bear down was crazy strong and very new to me! Forgive me if this is simply disgusting, but I kept telling Ryan with every contraction, "I feel like I really need to poop!" We were both getting quite worried! As he drove he got on the phone to tell his mom we were on the way to the hospital, and as she is an experienced labor and delivery nurse herself, he was asking a whole bunch of questions and she started telling him everything he needed to do just in case we didn't make it to the hospital and he had to deliver the baby in the car or something! I was freaking out a little bit and trying to resist the urge to bear down, but she reassured Ryan that as long as my water hadn't ruptured or broken yet, the baby wasn't going to be born yet. During the drive I got seriously impatient...my contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and though Ryan was driving pretty fast, it didn't feel fast enough for me! I kept telling him to turn his flashers on and just go as fast as he could, asking him, "Can you still get pulled over by a cop if you have your flashers on?" I confess I even cursed a few times at some of the people we got stuck behind that just seemed like they were moving sooooo sloooow!!! I was like, "I'm about to have a baby here, people!!!"

So we finally made it the hospital and drove right up to the entrance to the Women's Center and just left the car there and went in. (Wish I would've known the first time around that they will valet park cars for women in labor...with my first baby we parked our car and then I was really struggling to walk while having contractions! We pretty much just had to stop walking every time I contracted.) Even though we were parked right outside the door, I was hurting bad enough that I even considered having Ryan go in to get me a wheelchair, but I was too impatient...I just hung on him when we walked in, and when we got to the desk and told the nurse at the front that I was in labor, I saw some nurses in the back noticing me and giving me sympathetic looks. I had already pre-registered with the hospital, but the nurse/receptionist was still taking a minute to admit us, when a nice nurse came through the doors and said she would just take me back. This nurse, Ana, ended up being one of my delivery nurses and she was awesome. She took me to an observation room and then Ryan showed up a minute later. I got changed into a gown and then she came back to check me...she said I was dilated to a 5 and about 90% effaced. I told her I had been so worried we'd get to the hospital and get sent home, but she said "Don't worry...I don't send girls who are dilated to a 5 and 3 days overdue home!" That was such a relief to hear!

The nurse and Ryan and I talked while waiting for the anesthesiologist...well I talked when I could. At that point I was really hurting and I couldn't talk or do anything but breathe and concentrate during contractions. She checked me one more time shortly before my epidural, and I was at a 5 1/2. When the anesthesiologist came to administer the epidural he commented on how strong it sounded like my contractions were, concerned that maybe I was too far dilated for an epidural, but the nurse reassured him that she had just checked me right before he arrived. Shortly thereafter, maybe just 10 or 15 minutes later when my epidural had actually kicked in, Ana checked me again and said I was fully dilated! I had gone from a 5 to a 10 in an hour! So things were moving VERY quickly! And I had barely gotten my epidural in time! The nurses started getting all ready and then my doctor, Dr. Young, arrived. I was so glad he was able to make it, because I was told by my nurses that on Saturdays he and the 2 other OB/GYNs that work at his clinic take turns being on call, and it wasn't his day to be on call, so they said it might be the on-call doctor coming to deliver. I was a little disappointed at that prospect, but figured it wasn't a big deal since everything was going so well. They had called Dr. Young to let him know what was happening, but he had been driving home from somewhere and wasn't sure if he was going to be able to be there instead of the on-call doctor. Luckily, when he was relatively close by the hospital he called back to check and see if I had progressed, and when they told him I was completely dilated, he just came right in to deliver me! I was so happy when he walked in. He delivered Thomas, and I really wanted him to deliver my second baby!

Well, the doc didn't have to be there for long! My water hadn't broken, so he went ahead and broke it, and when they told me it was time to push, I almost couldn't believe I was really there, having our second baby! They could already see the top of Jacob's head! I pushed an incredibly short time...Ryan and I agreed it couldn't have been more than 5-10 minutes...and then Jacob officially came into the world at 8:02 pm! It was silent for a split second after he was completely out (which kind of scared me), and then when I heard him start to cry it was so exhilarating and surreal! I kept saying "I want to see him, I can't see him, hold him up!" And either the doc or Ryan said, "The cord is too short!" Apparently little Jacob came on quite a short line! So Ryan finally cut the cord and I got to see my little boy for the first time...he was screaming nice and loud and was healthy and perfect! He was born with a head of dark hair like his big brother, though he didn't have nearly as much hair as Thomas did. He weighed in at 9 lbs and was 21 inches long.

I waited impatiently while they cleaned him up and checked everything out and when I finally got to hold him it was still so surreal! I loved finally having that tiny little baby to hold and cuddle! I was so happy with how my delivery went, and I was especially grateful that Jacob was healthy and perfect. Even though my pregnancy was basically flawless and there was never any issues or reasons I had to worry, I sometimes felt so much fear that our baby would be born with health issues or something wrong. A perfectly healthy baby really is a miracle and a blessing!

Everything had gone so fast...we were only at the hospital about an hour and a half before Jacob arrived! My nurses and the doctor kept saying we couldn't have timed our arrival at the hospital more perfectly. My doctor told me I had "good birthing hips," which he said he was worried would offend me, but I told him not at all! He had said something to that effect with Thomas, too. He told me that next time, I was, quote, "in serious danger of giving birth on the freeway!" That made us laugh. An hour and a half felt like we were cutting it a little close...at least for Ryan, who had been seriously stressed and worried about getting to the hospital in time! Hopefully I don't ever cut it too much closer than that!

I was so happy and grateful that my delivery went well...I couldn't have hoped for better. Everything went great when I delivered my first baby too, and as I got closer to my due date this time I kept reminding myself not to count on it going just like the first time, that I could even end up having to have an emergency C-section or something. But it was basically perfect!

I was also really glad that I actually got to have my baby room in with me at the hospital this time! When Thomas was born, his breathing rate didn't reach the optimal range it was supposed to within a certain time, and they were concerned that he had a little water on the lungs and could develop pneumonia, so he had to stay in the NICU the whole time he was in the hospital, hooked up to monitors and on a round of antibiotics. (It sounds scary to say "he was in the NICU," but in my small hospital it was basically just a special section of the nursery for preemie babies or C-section babies or any babies that had special circumstances. Babies with real problems or health issues were transferred to the NICU at the larger hospital in Provo.) So, I had to walk down to the nursery any time I wanted to see my first baby...I never got to have him hang out in my room with me until he was off the antibiotics and I couldn't even nurse him while at the hospital until his breathing rates improved. So I loved being able to have Jacob in my room with me whenever I wanted, to feed him or cuddle him or just to watch him sleep!

All of our visitors were planning to come see us the next day, so in the hours after Jacob was born it was nice for Ryan and I to just have time alone with our little newborn. I got to see the first real bath they gave Jacob at the hospital, which I hadn't gotten to see with Thomas...I didn't know that all you had to do was ask to be there! Ryan ended up deciding to stay overnight at the hospital on the pull-out couch they had in my room, and it was nice to have him there (though the pull-out bed isn't incredibly comfortable and he didn't sleep all that great!).

The next morning (Sunday) our first visitors were my Mom and Thomas. I was so excited for Thomas to meet Jacob, but was a little sad about one thing...he still had the croupe. When I took Thomas to his doctor when he first came down with the croupe, and I knew our baby would be arriving any day, my CNP said if Thomas was still showing croupe symptoms when the baby arrived, she didn't want him within 5 feet of the baby. But I couldn't cope with that idea...we decided when Thomas came to the hospital we would just have him wash up really good when he arrived, change into a clean shirt, and wear a hospital mask.

I was a little heartbroken because Tommy's visit didn't go that great...he was very cranky during the duration of it. He was sick with the croupe, very tired because he wasn't sleeping well at night (he had actually fallen asleep in the car 5 minutes before my mom arrived and she and Ryan had to wake him up), and he was hungry too. Tommy was definitely excited to see Jacob...when he first came to my door and saw me and Jacob, he wanted to run to us...but Ryan had to stop him and make him get all cleaned up first, which didn't sit too well with him on top of how grumpy he was. I think he just wanted to finally see his baby brother and didn't understand why were getting in the way! He was still coughing (that terrible croupe-y cough) frequently, and we kept telling him he had to wear his mask if he wanted to hold Jacob, but he refused, and I was so sad. I was afraid he would leave without even holding his little brother. It was fun watching my mom hold Jacob and meeting him for the first time. We kept trying to get Thomas to wear a mask, and right as we about gave up and decided to just let my mom take Thomas home, he finally said he would wear the mask. I was so glad, because I was so devastated that he would leave without so much as holding his little brother...I had been looking forward to that for so long! But I was still sad because the first time we ever saw Tommy hold Jacob, I couldn't even really see the expression on his little face, because of his mask. That was (and kind of still is) hard for me to get over. But I kept telling myself that the fact Thomas was sick and terribly cranky that day was nobody's fault. Even though I was so unhappy about Thomas having to be so restricted during his first time meeting Jacob, the thought of my brand new baby ending up with the croupe was terrifying to me. And Jacob never did get sick, for which I'm incredibly grateful.

One thing that helped finally convince Thomas to put on his mask was the gift I told him that Jacob had gotten for him. I had heard that its sometimes a good idea to get young children a small gift or toy when they have a baby brother or sister, just so they feel special too and not overlooked when so much attention is put on the new little one. So I bought Thomas a pack of 4 little Matchbox airplanes/helicopters and packed them in my hospital bag, intending to give them to Thomas when he first came to visit. When Tommy wouldn't put the mask on, I told him Jacob had a present for him if he did. When I gave Thomas the little planes he was pretty excited. They are some of his new favorite toys and when he plays with them he always talks about how Jacob gave them to him.

Throughout the rest of that day we had lots of family come to visit: Nate and Fabi and Julia, Eric and Hayley, Sara and Jon, my Dad, Zane, Amber, Ciara and Dalin, Travis and Jared. It was a party in my room for the majority of the day! It was fun, even though my room did get a bit crowded at times...I think my nurse at the time was annoyed! The nurses are all about moms getting their rest, but I felt great and was in no mood to lay around in my hospital bed napping or something. I wanted to be up and moving around, feeling normal again...I was just so incredibly happy to not be pregnant anymore! (My sister-in-law Jenise had her fourth baby in December, and she had said something to me recently about how the minute your baby is born, you already feel like you can breathe again. I hadn't thought about that much when Thomas was born, so I paid particular attention to how it felt the moment Jacob was out...it really was immediate, glorious relief as I felt my big ole belly deflating!)

I really enjoyed my hospital stay...Orem Community Hospital is awesome. I delivered Thomas there and even though we had moved a little bit of an inconvenient distance away since Thomas was born, I really wanted to deliver there again. Its a small hospital with really nice, big rooms, and my nurses (except for one really weird one) were all great. Since its so small and intimate the nurses really take good care of you, pay attention to you and remember who you are. I don't think I even remember seeing another mom during my whole stay! And I LOVE the hospital food...I seriously got so excited for every meal! I stayed the full 48 hours after Jacob was born and I was a little sad to leave when it was time for me to be discharged! I remember feeling the exact same way when I had Thomas too.

Going home:

When we arrived at our house, Thomas was so excited for his little baby brother to be home! Aunt Sara & Uncle Jon had watched him while Ryan came to get Jacob and I. Thomas' croupe had improved a lot during the couple of days Jacob and I were at the hospital, but he still hadn't gotten over it completely, so we were still a little nervous about Jacob getting the croupe too. We tried to teach Thomas not to cough near the baby and we made him wash his hands a lot (which he didn't love). I was so glad Jacob didn't ever get sick, and even happier when Thomas was all better and I didn't have to worry about either of my babies being sick!

Okay, so a couple of funny stories from the hospital...they both might be a little bit TMI (too much info!), but I HAVE to remember them!

Within the hour or so after Jacob was born, I was of course wanting lots of photos...of Jacob, of Ryan and I each with Jacob, of all 3 of us...the camera was getting lots of use and everytime we put it down we would get distracted and then when we wanted to take photos again we couldn't remember where we'd put the camera. Well, at one point, we seriously could NOT find the camera. Ryan and the nurse looked everywhere, and of course I was still confined to the bed, but I was looking as much as I could too. I was thinking, "We've been using it constantly, where could it have gone?" Then I said something like "I hope its not buried under my blankets or something!" Well, at that moment a little feeling of dread came over me...the nurse looked, just in case, and sure enough, it was tangled up in all of the blankets covering me! I was practically sitting on it! I had apparently put it on my lap and forgotten all about it being there and it somehow disappeared into the blankets. I was terrified for a split second when the nurse discovered it there, but thankfully the camera was completely fine. (Well...the cord did get a little dirty (gross, I know) and one of my incredibly nice nurses was nice enough to take the cord off and clean it in hydrogen peroxide or alcohol or something. Crazy! Yeah, I was much more careful with the camera after that. =)

Second story: My first few times changing Jacob's diaper at the hospital made me nervous. I know, I've changed a newborn's diapers before, but Jacob just seemed so fragile to me and it had been so long since I'd had a newborn...I felt almost like a first-time mom again when I changed his diapers the first few days. Well, one time when I went to change his diaper at the hospital, I unwrapped his blanket and discovered that he had had a complete meconium blow-out!!! That black, nasty, tar-looking poop was everywhere! All over him, his clothes, and even the inside of the blanket he was wrapped up in! There was no way I was going to be able to clean him adequately with wipes, so I called the nurses station to let them know that Jacob would probably be needing a bath...the stuff was seriously everywhere! A nurse that wasn't mine came and got him and when she saw the mess, she was like, "Oh yes, he definitely needs a bath!" Then my nurse, after she had seen the mess, came in and said she was amazed! She said it was probably the biggest meconium mess she had ever seen a newborn make and that she'd be surprised if he had any of the stuff left in him! Eeeeeew....

So on that lovely note. =) I was very happy with Jacob's delivery and felt like everything went great. I also felt like I recovered very easily and quickly, even though I had had to get a few stitches. I have to say again...I'm so happy not to be pregnant anymore!!! Aaaaah, the relief of not having to pee every 20 minutes! And no heartburn! And no waddling! And no swollen feet! And more than anything, I'm so grateful that I have had two healthy babies, and two great deliveries. Childbirth really is a miracle, especially when it occurs with no problems or issues. I definitely don't take it for granted!

Mother's Day

2009-05-14T23:37:00.004-06:00

I figured I'd write a little blurb about Mother's Day. I still didn't feel ready to take Jacob to church on Mother's Day, so he and I stayed home, but Ryan took Thomas to church and when they got home it was the cutest thing...Thomas runs into the house saying "Mommy, look what I made you! Happy Mother's Day!" and he hands me this sweet little pink card his nursery leaders helped him make. I melted when he said "Happy Mother's Day!" On Saturday Ryan also gave me a sweet card that was signed "Tommy, Jacob & Daddy" (still blows me away that I have three boys to love now!) and he brought me a pretty, very spring-y bouquet of yellow flowers. The flowers were particularly sweet of him because he actually had been working in Vernal, 3 hours away, all day both Friday and Saturday, and had stayed overnight in a motel there Friday night. When he got home from Vernal Saturday night I was so surprised when he appeared with flowers. It meant a lot that he had made the effort to stop and get them for me, when I could see he was obviously so tired and just ready to finally be home. Thanks honey. =)

Me and my babies

Baby Days (Part 2)

2009-05-11T16:27:00.042-06:00

I didn't really finish my last post, and I really didn't get around to writing as much about what I wanted to write about...Jacob! He is a sweet little baby. In spite of all the new challenges, I really am loving having a little newborn again. I still feel remnants of "nesting syndrome" and I'm always tempted to try and rush to get things done while Jacob is sleeping, but I often have a hard time resisting not just sitting there and holding him to my chest for a long time while he sleeps, all tiny and curled up. That's one of the things I enjoy most about having a newborn, is how small and cuddly they are. He's 2 weeks and 2 days old today, and even though that is still so young and new, it scares me. I am already panicking about how fast he is growing and changing. I know he will pass out of this phase so quickly, so I'm trying to soak it all up while I can. I even love the sound of his cries...not that I love it when he cries, but I just love the newborn cry. Its so sweet and innocent and helpless, and everything about it just activates the instinct in you to want to hold and comfort and nurture that tiny little infant.

I'm really excited because I took Jacob to get some professional photos taken last Friday, when he was just a day shy of 2 weeks old. I have to wait 2 weeks to get a CD with all the edited photos back, but I saw a lot of the shots as she took them and they were just gorgeous. I am so excited to have some photos of my beautiful baby boy in this fleeting stage of his life, especially because its something I didn't do with Thomas, and have always regretted. We also didn't have a camcorder when Thomas was born, and we didn't get one until he was about 5 months old, so I can't go back and watch him when he was a little newborn. This time around I am feeling so anxious to document as much as I can of these first precious weeks!

I feel like Jacob's been a relatively easy baby so far...well, easy for a newborn anyway! He's not fussy or colicky at all, at least not so far, and I'm so grateful. Thomas was such a mellow, easy baby all-around, and I told myself that I was probably going to be in for it when we had our second baby! But that hasn't been the case at all. (So far. I keep telling myself that. Knock on wood!) Jacob does eat a lot!!! I know newborns eat very frequently, but sometimes it seems Jacob wants to nurse unusually frequently...I sometimes feel like I'm nursing him twice an hour! And with that comes a lot of messy diapers...I can barely keep this kid in a clean diaper, and I'm always shocked when I go to change him and he's only wet! But its nice to know that he's definitely getting enough to eat, and I'm glad that he's healthy and growing. He actually had his 2-week doctor's appointment today, the first one since the pediatrician saw him at the hospital (And it was my first time out of the house, alone, with both kids. Oy. More on that later.). Today Jacob was 9 lbs 11 oz (he weighed 9 lbs even at birth) and measured 22 in (he was 21 inches at birth). That puts him in the XXth percentile for weight and the XXth percentile for height. So he's already above average! I'm curious to see how Jacob grows, and if he'll be a giant kid like his big brother. His nurse practicioner said that Jacob's weight gain was great and that he was doing very well. That's what a momma wants to hear! The only thing I feel sad about is the poor little guy has a clogged tear duct in one eye, so he develops a lot of gunk or drainage in that eye and I have to clean it really regularly. The CNP said that its relatively common and should clear up on its own sometime between 2 and 12 months. I just feel bad for Jacob because I'm always having to mess with his eye and clean it, and sometimes, especially after he wakes up, he has so much stuff it makes it hard for him to open his eye all the way! I'm hoping it does go away on its own because the CNP did say that on some occasions you have to take the baby to an eye specialist and they'll insert something into the duct to open it up...that scares me! So I hope that won't have to happen.

A funny note about Jacob's dirtying a lot of diapers...a lot of the time when he goes poo it is SO LOUD! I say he "squelches." Its so loud and juicy-sounding (forgive me, but its so funny and I want to remember!) that I'm convinced that when I go to change his diaper he will have totally blown out, or the poo will just start flowing out like lava. But often there's very little there! So weird. I have to say, newborn poo is nothing compared to changing the diapers of a toddler who eats the same diet as I do. Ew. I really need to get Thomas potty-trained!

Ever since Jacob arrived, Thomas just looks huge to me. I mean, I've always known he was a big kid and that he's growing up so fast, but now, with a newborn, I look at Thomas and I'm almost surprised by what a little giant he is! It seems like it wasn't that long ago at all when Tommy was my little newborn and I was just trying to figure the whole mom thing out. Before I know it, Thomas will be in school, Jacob will be Thomas' age and I'll again be saying, "Where'd my little newborn go?"

One thing I'm hugely grateful for is that Jacob seems to have adjusted to the idea that nighttime is for sleeping. He definitely wakes up during the night to nurse, but he usually sleeps longer stretches at night than he does during the day, and after I feed him he usually goes right back to sleep. This is all complete luck on my part...I really haven't done anything to establish a regular schedule or sleep-pattern with him yet. I'm hoping that he will continue to be a good sleeper at night! That's one area I was expecting to be in for it this time around, because Thomas has always been a great sleeper. Thomas slept through the night at 5 months and has continued to do so ever since, except for maybe a few interruptions when he was teething. I hope my luck holds out! Watch, my first two kids will be totally easy, mellow babies, and then my third will be an absolute monster. =)

I still need to get around to writing down Jacob's birth story. It was kind of interesting, and everything happened quite quickly. Let's just say, I cut it a little bit close for Ryan's comfort!

May 13th

Here I am two days later. I seriously think it will be impossible for me to ever finish a post in one sitting!

So about my first-time-out-of-the-house-alone-with-both-kids excursion. I had been feeling relatively, somewhat, sort-of confident about my ability to handle 2 kids until I left the house with both of them, alone, for the first time, to go to Jacob's first doctor appointment on Monday. I figured going to a Doctor's appointment would be a pretty low-stress place to try out being alone with them, since it wouldn't be crazy busy like a huge store where we would be surrounded by tons of people. Plus, a pediatrician's office would of course be very kid-friendly. Alas, it was a hard day for me. I left the Doctor's office feeling very depressed, wondering if I would ever be able to go anywhere more difficult, like a store or a mall with both kids in tow. Of course, my mood was probably highly influenced by the fact that poor Jacob spent the last 10 minutes of the appointment shrieking in agony while a nurse poked his heel and then spent what felt like forever squeezing drops of blood from his foot onto a sheet to be sent in and tested for diseases, all while Thomas was getting into every drawer or messing with every instrument in the exam room. Immediately after the appointment I nursed Jacob in the car and then had to get Thomas and I something to eat too. I had thought about heading to Babies 'R' Us or Target after the appointment, but everything had taken so long and I was so stressed already I simply could not bring myself to even try. It was so late that Thomas was just going to have to skip his nap altogether while we were out, and then Jacob spent 10 minutes crying in his car seat on the way home, which wasn't a really long time but was hard for me because there was little I could do to comfort him while I was driving. I drove home thinking, basically, "I may feel ok about my ability to mother two children while I'm at home, but dealing with two children while I'm out of the house is a whole other story." I am of course going to try as hard as I can to enlist Ryan's help as often as possible, usually by leaving Thomas home with him and taking Jacob with me. But there will be times I won't want to have to wait for Ryan to be done working or when I'll simply have to go somewhere when he can't help, and I dread those times. I'm especially at a loss because Thomas is horrible at staying with me if I let him walk. I very, VERY rarely let him out of the cart or stroller when we go shopping/running errands, and when I do I almost immediately regret it. He won't stay with me, no matter how seriously I talk to him about it beforehand, and no matter how much he promises me he will stay by me, he is so hard to keep a handle on! So I feel like I have to keep him contained when we're out, and that leaves me with few options. I bought a double stroller, but if I'm somewhere, i.e. grocery shopping, where I require a cart, I'll have no space to put anything if I have both a newborn in a carseat on top of the cart with a toddler in the basket, or the carseat in the basket with the toddler in the cart seat, whichever. I thought my answer could be putting Jacob in the Baby Bjorn and Thomas could sit in the cart seat, but I tried Jacob in the Bjorn the other night and he did not like it at all. I really hope that changes. I've thought about trying a sling, because he might prefer that over being upright...he often fights to be in a lying-down position when I'm holding him in an upright position, like to burp him or something. *Sigh* It all feels so complicated, I'm starting to feel like I will never be able to go shopping or to run errands again, with both kids, without it being incredibly tough. Plus, just getting ready to leave now takes quite some time, and I thought it took me a long time when I had just a toddler! Any encouragement or advice from you moms of two would be awesome...are the only two options really just being stir-crazy and cooped-up at home or stressed and pulling-my-hair-out away from home?

Anywho...I didn't mean to end this post on a negative note. But I tell myself not just to write about the things that are happy or easy or fabulous about being a mom, but the hard, everyday reality things too, because its cathartic, first of all, and also because its so nice when I'm reminded that so many other moms are in the same boat. Sometimes I look around me and think every mom on the planet has it all figured out, except me!

Baby Days

2009-05-10T10:45:00.023-06:00

Its hard to find time to blog lately, or at least finish blogging! The below was written almost a week ago now! I am just finally getting around to adding photos...its hard to choose because I've already taken almost 500!!! (Sometimes I think digital cameras are both a blessing and a curse...)

Monday, May 4th:

I lucked out and managed to get both the boys napping at the same time, so I am hoping my luck holds out long enough for me to write down a few things and add some photos from our past 9 days as a family of four!

Its crazy to think we are a family of four! It is still, even now, a little surreal to me that we have a second child. I am still getting used to saying "the boys" or "the kids." But I am absolutely loving having a sweet little newborn again, even with the lack of sleep and the challenges of having a toddler and a baby. I feel like I'm handling the 2-kid thing okay so far...the biggest challenge I've had so far is probably just finding time to shower! I think I'm handling the lack of sleep better this time around then I did with Thomas...I used to have breakdowns and cry when Thomas was a newborn, because I was so tired. I think the fact that I've always been a natural night-owl (and have become more-so since I started having kids) helps me to deal with the sleep issue (though I can't say I feel *fabulous* with the amount of sleep I get). I think I'm managing to keep the house in relatively decent shape, even though I'm trying to let things that aren't a priority fall by the wayside for now. The dirty laundry pile is growing a bit scary high, especially because I can barely keep up with keeping Jacob's clothes clean!

I am feeling very much like being a hermit at this point...I'm sure I'll get stir-crazy eventually, but for now I have little desire to leave the house, especially with Jacob. I wasn't too paranoid about taking Thomas out when he was born, since it was July and always in the 80's or 90's, but this time I feel a little more cautious...its still cool out and it seems the sick season is still hanging around. My biggest dread is when I will go out by myself with both kids for the first time. I think I'm going to put that off as long as possible! And I think a lot of the time I'll try and take just Jacob and leave Thomas at home with Ryan...because really, Thomas is the one that would probably be the most challenging when I'm out running errands! Caring for a newborn seems so easy now, since I've had a toddler! Its funny how, when you're a first-time mom, even though you're stressed and tired and overwhelmed at times, you have no idea that in many ways, that time as a parent is probably the easiest you will ever have! You only have one child, and for quite awhile he isn't mobile at all, sleeps a ton, and is extremely portable. You only have one child's feeding and sleeping schedule to worry about, you can easily sleep while that one child is sleeping, you only have one child to take along with you when you go out of the house, and you can lavish all your attention on that child without worry or guilt. Why doesn't anyone tell you the first is the easiest?!

My Boys: (I love how Tommy has his arm around Jacob.)

Thankfully, we haven't had any real issues yet of Thomas being jealous of Jacob. He seems to be perfectly happy to have his baby brother at home and he's very interested in him and attached to him. When Thomas first wakes up in the morning or if he doesn't know where Jacob is he will almost always ask "Where's baby brother Jacob?" He always wants to hold him, saying "I want him!" or "What abou' me?". Thomas has never acted out against Jacob in any way or said anything at all that indicates jealousy, and I'm so glad. I feel like I'm trying hard to be aware of Thomas' needs, to pay special attention to him when I can and to maintain most of the aspects of what his life was like before Jacob. For instance, when its hard for me to put Thomas down for nap or bedtime because Jacob is crying or hungry, and when Ryan isn't available to help, I'll bring Jacob in to Tommy's room for storytime, and Thomas gets so excited, asking if Jacob can sleep in his bed. Of course I tell him Jacob can't stay in his bed, but I lay Jacob down safely next to Thomas while I read them both a story, or Tommy will help read the story to Jacob. Its so sweet and I'm so happy that so far Tommy seems to be adjusting incredibly well. The only negative thing Thomas does have more of a tendency of doing lately, though this was pretty common even before Jacob arrived, is getting into things or doing things he knows he's not supposed to. Like I said, that's pretty common behavior for him anyway, and I don't think he does it more lately because he's envious of or mad at Jacob or mad at me or Ryan because of Jacob...I think he simply realizes that he gets away with it more than usual because Mommy is busy feeding or taking care of Jacob a lot of the time and he simply has more opportunity to get away with it!...at least for a few minutes before Ryan or I bust him. =)

The storytime buddies:

*To Be Continued...*

Baby Jacob is here!

2009-04-29T23:56:00.002-06:00

This is coming a few days late, but we are excited to announce that our sweet baby boy finally arrived! Jacob Elias Laidlaw was born Saturday, April 25th, 2009 at 8:02 pm, 3 days after his due date. He was a big baby at 9 pounds and 21 inches long! The delivery went great (and quickly!) and Jacob is in perfect health. He is so beautiful and he looks more like his big brother every day.

Jacob after his first bath at the hospital

Thomas is so excited his little brother is here at last, and he always calls him "Baby Jacob" or "Baby Brother Jacob." He's always begging to hold Jacob and whenever Jacob makes little baby noises, Thomas asks us, "What's he saying?" Its so cute to watch him with Jacob. We love seeing how much he already loves his baby brother.

I'll be trying to post more photos and details about Jacob soon, as soon as I find the time! =)

A Rough Day

2009-04-24T02:16:00.005-06:00

I'm writing this at 2 in the morning. I know, I'm nuts...I should be getting my sleep while I have the chance! But it was truly a rough day, and not really because our baby boy hasn't arrived yet.

Last night...or night before last night...Wednesday night, that is, since now its technically Friday morning...we put Thomas to bed and I noticed that his voice was a little raspy, and that he had coughed suspiciously a few times. We were worried he might be getting sick, and sure enough, at 2 am, he wakes up with an awful-sounding, barking cough...it turns out he has the croup.

I hate the croup. Colds and runny noses are bad, but the croup is miserable. Thomas has had it twice before, and its torture to listen to him cough/bark so hard and have so much trouble just breathing. It makes me want to sob to see how hard it is on his little body, when he's intermittently racked with coughs and then the next minute rasping and gasping and struggling to get enough air to even produce a cough. At least we knew what to do from past experience...we wrapped him up and took him outside in the cool night air, which opens up the airways and helped noticeably every time. He even started asking to be taken outside. We took him out every couple of hours or so starting at 2 am, whenever he would really start struggling again, and in between we mostly let him sleep in our bed...though there wasn't a whole lot of quality sleep to be had by any of us. I felt so bad for him...he would cry because he was so miserable, but the crying only made it worse and harder to breathe. He coughed so hard several times that he gagged and vomited. The croup scares him, and it scares me too...its hard for me to hide. It literally seems like he can't breathe at all at times, and that makes me want to freak out. I remember when Thomas got it the first time at around 8 months, I just cried and cried as we sat holding him, wrapped in blankets, out on the front steps of our house in the middle of the night. I kept thinking it sounded like he was dying! And its so cruel...the croup is the most miserable in the middle of the night.

Of course, on top of my misery for Tommy, I'm terrified about the baby getting croup when he arrives. I can barely handle hearing my robust almost-3-year-old so miserable, much less my tiny, brand-new, fragile little newborn. I kept thinking, "Luck is really being cruel to me. I'm one day overdue with a baby, he could be here anytime, and my toddler has the croup." Before, I was hoping the baby would come soon and I wouldn't have to be induced next week, but now I'm praying this baby waits as long as he can to arrive so Thomas can get better. I'm tortured about the idea of having to keep Thomas away from his brand new baby brother...I know he's going to be so excited and want to hold him and hug and kiss him, and to have to deny him that will feel so unfair. And croup is a virus, so it will just have to run its course.

I took Thomas to the doctor in the morning, hoping there was something/anything they could do to help him feel better and speed up his recovery. In the past when Tommy got the croup he often sounded pretty good during the daytime, but in the morning Thomas' breathing was still really labored and raspy, so I was pretty worried. The nurse practicioner saw Thomas and said he did sound pretty bad for the daytime, and that if he got a shot of steroids it might help, especially with the time it had to kick in before nighttime. He got the shot in his leg, and poor Tommy cried and cried afterwards...he was inconsolable for a couple of minutes and it just made his "barking" sound worse and worse...it broke my heart.

I think the shot is definitely helping though. The doctor warned that the 2nd night is usually the worst, but tonight I put Thomas down and fell asleep with him for a couple of hours, and he didn't wake up coughing once, and he still hasn't....knock on wood. His breathing sounds worlds better than last night too. I really hope the croupy symptoms will pass quickly...the CNP said he'll probably still have a cold after the croupiness passes, but I would gladly trade the croup for a cold. And the longer its been since the croup has passed, the more confident I will feel with Thomas around the baby...I know there's probably no way he'll be back at 100% before his brother arrives, but the doctor said the most contagious time will be these first few days, especially when he still has croup symptoms. We talked about the kind of care I'll have to take with Thomas and the baby, depending on when baby decides to come, and I really do hope this little one waits...if he arrives now, or quite soon, the CNP said she wouldn't want Thomas within 5 feet of him. I would feel so cruel to have to keep Tommy away like that, so I'm praying the baby will just wait...if Thomas is over the croup and just in the cold/recovery phase, she said it would probably be okay if Thomas had clean hands, a clean shirt, and a mask on when he comes to the hospital to meet his baby brother. Maybe its a blessing in disguise that our baby hasn't arrived yet...if he had, Thomas could've gotten sick when we had already brought him home, and then the contagiousness would be incredibly hard to avoid. *sigh* I wish I didn't have to worry so much now about something I've been so excited about...seeing my little boy meet his baby brother, letting him hold him and watching them together for the first time.

After I took Thomas to the doctor, we got lunch to eat in the car and then I took him home and put him down for a nap...or rather, carried him from the car to his bed, since he was exhausted from the night and had fallen asleep in the car (he had also fallen asleep 5 minutes before we arrived at the doctor's office, too). Ryan was working at home, so he listened for Thomas while I ran to make one more grocery shopping trip. I felt so depressed as I walked around the store, thinking about my sick boy and worrying about my baby. I felt so conspicuous too...even though I didn't see a single soul that I knew there, I kept feeling like people were looking me and my belly and thinking "Sheesh! When are you going to have that baby?" I was feeling incredibly eager to get out of there, yet I felt so down and so preoccupied I could hardly think as I stared at stuff on the shelves. I got home and when Ryan first came out of his office and saw me I just went over to him and had a little breakdown and started crying. It is so hard, wanting to be finished being pregnant, yet afraid to be finished for the baby's health's sake. I pray that Thomas sleeping well (so far) tonight is a sign that he will recover quickly, and that our baby will make it through his first days and weeks (and as long as possible!) without getting sick too.

My Due Date Update

2009-04-22T15:39:00.004-06:00

I can't believe its my due date and our baby boy is still not here! I'm incredibly surprised because I truly expected to be at least somewhat early again this time. Now it looks like he's going to be late...nothing is really happening with me today so I highly doubt he will arrive before midnight tonight (though nothing is impossible!). At my doctor's appointment on Monday I had only slightly progressed from the previous week (from 2 cm to not quite 3 cm, from 60% effaced to about 70%, and -2 station to -1). My doctor doesn't want me to go more than a week past my due date, so we made another followup appointment for this coming Monday and if the baby hasn't arrived by then, he will schedule me to be induced Wednesday, April 29th, exactly one week after my due date. I really doubt I will make it that far though, and I'm hoping I don't...I would like to be done being pregnant sooner than that of course, and I would prefer to go into labor on my own over being induced. But, I am completely fine with being induced if he's a week over...I definitely don't want to go over more than that. I think I would just be a glutton for punishment at that point! Plus the doctor said that babies can actually have problems if you let them go much past 41 weeks. So, at least I have a timeline I can count on...this baby will be here sometime between now and next Wednesday!

I have these driving-me-crazy, intense feelings of anticipation I didn't have when I was pregnant with Thomas. With Thomas, I was expecting to be a little early, but when I went into labor 13 days early, it was so early that I was caught off guard, and I hadn't really worked up the feelings of high anticipation yet. This time I'm going nuts with anticipation! Its like I know someone is giving me a huge surprise and it could be sprung on me anytime...in the middle of the night, anytime at all...but I have no ideas or indicators of when! I'm still having mini-contractions here and there that can be a little painful or uncomfortable, but nothing is ever consistent enough that I feel something is really happening. I walk around all day every day thinking my water is just going to break, and then I'm going to have to high-tail it to the hospital!

So, a week left at most! I think its so crazy my first baby was so early and now my second is going to be late. I'll have no idea what to expect with #3 someday!

Baby Classes

2009-04-17T18:43:00.000-06:00

To feel a little more prepared for this baby I decided to sign myself and Ryan up for a one-night prenatal refresher class, meant specifically for people who had already had a baby before. I wondered when I signed up if it would be very helpful or informative at all, but when we went about a week and a half ago it actually turned out to be very, very good, and I ended up feeling so glad I decided to sign us up and take the time to go. I was surprised at the number of questions I actually ended up having for the nurse who was teaching it. On a different night we also took a tour of the maternity ward at Orem Community Hospital, even though we've already been there since its the same place I delivered before. It was nice to get reacquainted with the surroundings. The rooms are SO nice, and I'm so excited to deliver there again. I absolutely loved it there the first time around...the maternity ward is pretty small and intimate, and the nurses were awesome. The nurse giving the tour shared a lot of great information as well, and I ended up having quite a few questions for her too. I think there were several things that I just didn't think much about or know much about with my first pregnancy and delivery. Its nice to feel more "in the know" this time, both from my previous experience and from things I realize now that I wish I would have known about or asked about the first time.

Another class we took, several weeks ago now, was with Thomas. It was a "sibling" class, to help older kids (ages 2-8ish) adjust to the idea of becoming a big brother or sister and to share information with them about what's happening in Mommy's tummy and what will happen after the baby is born. Thomas got distracted several times and would run around the room or keep trying to talk and get everyone's attention, but the nurse teaching was very nice and the class was very loose and informal, so it wasn't a big deal. One funny thing was that Thomas kept raising his hand to talk (though it wasn't always after a question and he often started talking before being called on anyway)...I don't think I even knew he had learned about raising his hand to speak! It was cute. At one point the nurse gave all the kids a chance (if they wanted) to hold a little newborn-baby sized doll. Thomas loves holding real babies, like his new baby cousin Avarie, so he really liked holding the doll. He was so cute to watch. (Sorry, I know I say "cute" a lot!). I can't wait to see him hold his little baby brother for the first time!

Probably the funnest part of the sibling class was when the nurse actually took us up into the maternity ward and let us look through the nursery window at 2 new brand new babies. Tommy was pretty fascinated as we pointed things out about the babies, and it was fun for me to see the brand new little ones too...I was thinking, "I want one!" The nurse also took us into an empty room so the kids could see the kind of room their moms would be in. I was a little disappointed because the sibling class was only offered at Utah Valley Regional in Provo, not at Orem Community where I'm delivering, so Thomas didn't get to see the actual place his brother and I will be, but I still really liked the class. I called Orem Community before Ryan and I took our tour of the maternity area there to see if we could bring Thomas along, but they said children weren't allowed on the tours there. So, when the nurse said we would be going up to the maternity ward at Utah Valley Regional during the sibling class, I was totally surprised. Although, the nurse did have all the kids put on hair nets, gloves and masks...they looked so cute! I didn't bring along my camera and totally regretted it, but a really nice mom who was there with her daughter (and who was having triplets!) heard me lamenting and offered to take a picture of Thomas with her camera and email it to me, which she did (I love nice strangers!). Tommy looked so cute in his little get-up...I was surprised that he left all of it on and wasn't trying to yank the mask off or something!

I was glad I decided to take some classes and the tour again this time around...it really helped me rev up my memory and feel more prepared after almost 3 years. Even though I'm a second-time mom, I'm feeling pretty nervous and anxious about this baby...whether his delivery will go well, taking him home and adjusting to having two children, and learning to care for a newborn again. I'm feeling pretty rusty about that last one, but everyone assures me it'll all come back pretty quickly. I know they're probably right, or at least I hope so!

No Baby Yet!

2009-04-17T15:42:00.003-06:00

Still pregnant! We are quite surprised he hasn't arrived yet. I totally expected him to be here by now, since Thomas was 12 days early. But I guess just because that happened the first time around doesn't mean it will this time! And I'm still early...my due date is Wednesday, April 22nd, so we're still 5 days out. I've been having "practice" contractions, especially the last couple of days, which feel a little uncomfortable at times, but I know they're common in the weeks and days preceding delivery. I haven't felt anything drastic enough yet that has made me think, "Oh, its starting, we're going to the hospital today." At my doctor appointment on Monday (April 13th) I was no more dilated or effaced than the previous week. I am feeling in extreme anticipation, wondering when the big day will be! I wake up every day thinking, "It will probably be today." And then I go to bed that night surprised! So, we'll see what happens!

It has been nice to have more time than I expected to get some things done, but I have to say I think everyday about how excited I am to not be pregnant anymore. This pregnancy hasn't been miserable or anything...it has pretty much been easier than the first...but the last month of pregnancy is just so not fun in general, and I can't wait for my body to start getting back to normal (though *truly* getting back to normal will take some time). =) I'm particularly excited for my bladder to have some more space again! I am so tired of constant trips to the bathroom!

And of course, the number one thing I'm excited about is our Baby. It is still so surreal to me, even as pregnant as I am, that we will soon have a second child. I don't think it will feel entirely real to me until I have him in my arms!

Tools & Batteries

2009-04-11T03:12:00.008-06:00

Whenever Ryan goes out into the garage to work on his dirtbike or something, Thomas always gets excited about going with him and "helping." He loves helping Ryan tinker on stuff and has a grand ole time playing with (safe) tools and just hanging out with Daddy. He would stay out there forever...he never wants to come inside! And he's actually pretty mechanically inclined and good with his little hands...Ryan says Thomas can even put a nut on a bolt and then tighten it with a wrench all by himself. He's so cute to watch because he really concentrates on what he's doing. Our little man's already becoming a toolman!

Tommy has also been on a big battery-replacing kick lately. Any toy he discovers that he knows is supposed to make noise or music or produce lights, that isn't working right, he will bring to me and tell me, "needs new batteries, Mommy!" Many of these toys were probably ones I was happy to see lose their noise-producing powers, but I like watching him get excited when they come to life again. I have this cute little tool that came in a pack of batteries I once bought, that actually looks exactly like a AA battery, but it has a little screwdriver on the end. Its perfect to use for toys and Thomas is always looking for it when we go to replace batteries...he always says "Need the tool-battery!" He's a little battery-happy though... yesterday he told me his little wooden drum needed new batteries. Silly kid! But its fun to see how such small things make him happy. =)

One Thing I Gave Up On (For a Time)

2009-04-11T02:18:00.009-06:00

Well, I can't say I really tried that hard to start potty-training Thomas. It was something I had really wanted to accomplish before the baby arrived, but some weeks ago now I simply decided I didn't have the energy and time to commit to it right then, with everything else I was trying to do. I think I had hoped he would potty-train super easily...we spent a LOT of time talking about it before I ever got him a potty seat, and he seemed really excited and eager, but when I finally got one he was more excited about the idea of the seat than actually sitting on it. He's only sat on it twice, maybe three times, but he's never actually "gone" at all. Once I managed to snag a few photos before he hopped off...he's not "exposed," I promise! I originally really wanted to get him a little potty chair instead of a seat to put on the toilet, but when we went to check out the potty chairs at the store he was already too big for all of them!

So...I'll have two kids in diapers for awhile, but hopefully only a short while. I don't want to wait too much longer...Thomas turns 3 in July...and I truly do think he is ready if I will commit to really working at it. We'll see how it goes when we really take a crack at it...any tips about what worked/didn't work for you experienced parents would be great!

Baby Update

2009-04-11T01:09:00.005-06:00

I started to write this more than two weeks ago and never posted it! So now I'm updating my update about how Baby Boy is coming along. =) I'm currently 38 weeks and 3 days along...I took this baby belly photo right at 38 weeks. My last appointment was last Monday, April 6th. The doctor said I was dilated 2 cm and about 60-70% effaced. So, my body is starting to get ready for game time, but I haven't had any real or painful contractions yet (I'm scared for those!). I'm very curious about what the case will be at my next appointment on Monday, or if I'll even make it that far...I seriously feel like the baby could be arriving any day now, since by this time in my last pregnancy, Thomas was already born!

This is kind of old news, but on St. Patrick's day I had my third semester ultrasound, and the technician said everything looked great! She estimated at that time, when I was almost 35 weeks, that he was about 6 lbs 7 oz. I was very excited to see images of my little guy again. Ryan came and Thomas came along to the appointment for the first time. In the days leading up to the appointment and that morning I kept telling Thomas that we were going to see pictures of baby brother. He was pretty interested and watched the screen for the first minute or two of the ultrasound, but then he got distracted with all the gadgets in the exam room. I can't blame him, since he probably didn't understand what he was seeing...even I still had a bit of a hard time distinguishing details in the ultrasound without the technician's help! She got a really good view of the front of the baby's face, and he has the cutest full lips and a little nubbin chin! I hope he will have the dimple in his chin like his daddy and Thomas both do. She also got a really good image where you could actually tell that he has a whole bunch of hair! Thomas was born with a lot of hair too. If that old wives tale is true, that pregnant mothers get heartburn when their baby has a lot of hair, this baby must have tons of it, because this time around my heartburn has been killer! With Thomas it was only occasional and mild. This time it comes around all the time, out of nowhere, no matter what I eat...let me tell you, I am so tired of chomping on berry-flavored chalk, A.K.A. Tums. Bleh.

Besides the heartburn, I have to say that pretty much everything about this pregnancy has been at least somewhat easier than my first. I've gained less weight...at several appointments the doctor has said that I'm measuring slightly small, though the following appointment I'd often measure right on. At my most recent appointment he said that I was measuring small. That is so strange for me to hear...with Thomas I went to every appointment convinced that the doctor would tell me that I was gaining too much weight! I have to admit that the measuring small has gotten me a little worried, just wondering if I'm eating right or if the baby is growing okay, but my doc keeps saying he's not concerned, and said from my ultrasound that the baby was actually measuring big...he estimated he would be around 8 lbs at full term. (Thomas was 8 lbs 2 oz at 12 days early). I think I must really just be carrying differently this time. I definitely think I'm smaller at this point in my pregnancy than I was last time...I can even lie on my back (though its not a good idea and I don't prefer to) without very much pain or discomfort, which was definitely not the case with Thomas!

Other things have been easier too...my feet and ankles have been swollen again this time around, but not nearly as bad as last time...it was summertime during my third trimester of my first pregnancy, and the swelling was so bad it was frightening! My feet were so tight I felt like they were going to explode! So now, when someone notices my swelling and says something like "Oh, your poor feet!" I just think, "This is nothing!"

I've also been having an easier time getting around this time, hence my ability to still run around like a crazywoman. Not that I don't have aches and pains...I certainly do, and they're not fun. I definitely have the pelvic pain and I have to be careful about the way I move and how quickly I move so I don't get those sharp stabbing pains, but its not as bad as last time. With Thomas I always said it felt like the bones in my pelvis and my hips were just going to come apart....this time it just feels like a have a big bruise on my pelvis, and my upper legs are sore like I just went to the gym for the first time in forever or something! I've also been sleeping better...I haven't had nearly as many comfort issues with sleep this time around. Halleluia!

I think I can attribute the easier pregnancy and my smaller weight gain to the fact that my lifestyle is so different this time...my first pregnancy was spent sitting at my work desk 8 hours a day and snacking constantly! This time I'm almost always moving, cleaning and running errands and chasing around a toddler all day, and I haven't been as big on the snacking all the time. So though I haven't really been going out of my way to exercise, I think exercise has just been more built-in to my life this time around. I am really looking forward to trying to *truly* exercise, losing the baby weight and becoming comfortable in my body again.

It really just blows my mind how fast this pregnancy has gone. The weeks and months have just slipped through my fingers. I have to admit I'm freaking out a little bit about how soon I will be a parent of two, and what the challenges of that will be. I especially worry about Thomas and how everything will affect him. I know he'll be a great big brother though. He's always talking about how his little brother "Will play wit' me, and talk 'a me, and read books wit' me, and watch shows wit' me," and so on....so cute. He likes to give my tummy, or "Little Brother," lots of hugs and kisses, which I love. I also love to watch his face light up when he feels the baby moving in my tummy. I told him to talk to the baby the other day, to say "Hi Baby!" and "See you soon!" I love watching his enthusiasm. I can't wait to see him interact with his little brother in person! It won't be long now. =)

Here's a cute snapshot of my handsome little boy, who fell fast asleep on the way home on the day of the ultrasound and did not want to wake up when we got home (though it was too late to be napping but too early for bedtime). So, I laid him on the couch and let him sleep awhile. How did my first little newborn grow into this tall kid?

A Race Against Time

2009-04-10T23:59:00.003-06:00

I am amazed. My second pregnancy has simply flown by, and my due date is rapidly approaching. I'm not expecting to make it to my due date...Thomas was born 12 days early, and I really think I'll be early with this one too. Its crazy to think that if this baby had arrived as early as Thomas he would already be here! I've been panicking to be honest...I still have at least a few things I really need to do before baby boy arrives, yet I feel he could be coming anytime. I was running around the house like a madwoman yesterday trying to get things done, and for some reason I was so convinced my water was going to break (though there was no real indication that would be happening).

I'm upset at myself for not being completely ready sooner...it seems I've been trying for months and weeks to get my house organized and everything ready, yet here I am, still scrambling and stressed out and praying the baby gives me just a few more days before his arrival! When Thomas was born so early I was caught off guard...my house was a disaster and I was so disappointed with myself for not having everything in perfect order. I think I've just given myself way too many things to try and accomplish. I know if everything doesn't get accomplished it will be ok...just like it was with Thomas, when the world did not end!...I just wish everything could get accomplished so I could be at complete peace with my surroundings and concentrate entirely on my new baby boy after he arrives, and on his big brother as he adjusts to the change.

So, like I said, I've been running around like a crazywoman. I'm not very content to sit and put my feet up and relax lately, even though I probably should be. My mind is constantly racing with to-do lists and thoughts about what I need to do next. I think its all a result of the crazy case of "nesting" I get...its seriously so intense, it drives me nuts. It was exactly the same with Thomas. The last weeks of my pregnancy I was spending a lot of time running around then too.

Anyway...on my too-long list of Things Still To Do is to catch up on the blog! I know I probably won't be able to do that fully, but there are things I really want to write about before the baby arrives, because after that all I will probably be writing about for awhile is him! So hopefully I will be getting a bunch of new entries written that I've fallen way behind on....here goes nothin'!

Catching Up With The Girls

2009-03-25T23:39:00.000-06:00

A few Saturdays ago, March 7th, I went to a baby shower for Kathy, my good friend from our freshman year at BYU. This is Kathy's first baby, which is in and of itself exciting, but I'm extra excited because she and I are both having boys and she is due just 12 days before me! I love being pregnant at the same time as friends! Our other good friend from freshman year, Catherine, also came to the shower, and the fun fact is that she is pregnant too, and due really close to us in Mid-May! She is waiting for a surprise on the gender though, so we'll have to wait and see if she will be having another little boy to pal around with me and Kathy's boys, or a girl that me and Kathy's boys will fight over for a date someday....ha! Another fun twist...this is Catherine's second baby, and she and I were actually pregnant at the same time the first time around as well, and had boys together...her cute little Samuel was born just a couple of months after Thomas. So...if Catherine's surprise gender baby is in fact a boy, there will be 5 little boys between the three of us when we get together! THAT would be a party!

I always become really nostalgic when Kathy, Catherine and I get together, thinking of all the memories from our freshman year (2000-2001). It was a fabulous time and one of the best, most memorable years of my life! I made many friends that year, but Kathy and Catherine were my closest friends. We were together so much that we got dubbed "the triplets," and we also called ourselves "Neopolitan"...because Catherine is blonde, I'm red-haired, and Kathy is brunette! None of us were roommates freshman year, but we all lived within just a few rooms of each other on the same floor of our dorm at BYU, good ole' V-Hall, in Deseret Towers (which has now been torn down...so sad!). There's a lot of history with us three! Kathy and I were with Catherine the night she met her husband James, and they have known my husband Ryan pretty much just as long as I have. The three of us spent lots of nights staying up late together, acting crazy, putting off studying and writing papers until the absolute last minute...those were good times!

Despite the fact that over the years Kathy and Catherine and I have never moved further away from each other than 1 or 2 hours, we're not always good at keeping in touch or seeing each other...the times we all usually see each other is at our bridal or baby showers! So I always get excited when there's a gathering that will bring the three of us together again. Even though we all lead busy lives and go long stretches of time between seeing each other, I always feel like we catch up fast and that our friendship is the same as its always been. Its crazy to think its coming up on 10 years that we've been friends! That makes me feel old!

Missing at the shower was our other good friend and my roommate from freshman year, Brooke. She lives closeby in Salt Lake City but couldn't make it that day...we missed you Brookie!

And even though she lives in Cali, I was also thinking about our other friend, Catherine's freshman-year roommate Afton...move back to Utah girl! =)

Catherine and I hung out with Kathy long after her shower ended, just visiting and talking about mommy and baby stuff. Before Catherine and I left to head home from Kathy's we got a photo of the three of us side-by-side with our baby bellies. It is so crazy to see how we've gone from this...

to this!!!

Name Game

2009-03-04T23:59:00.001-07:00

Today I was thinking about baby names and I asked Thomas, "Should we name your baby brother *Name*?" At first he said "Yeah!" and then I said, "Say *Name*!" and the way he said it was so cute! The name I asked him about has a common nickname, so I said to him, "Can you say *Nickname*? Sometimes you can say *Nickname* instead of *Name*, just like we say Tommy instead of Thomas!" And then Thomas said, "No, wanna name him Tommy & Jerry!" I laughed because I knew where that came from...he's been watching Tom & Jerry cartoons lately. (Hooray for old school cartoons...most of the modern ones drive me up the wall!) Even though Jerry is not a name I would actually consider, I thought his suggestion was so cute!

And yes, as you can tell, I'm hesitant to share the names we're considering. Its not that they're weird or anything...I just remember when I was pregnant with Thomas I was pretty careful not to share our names with people, but a few times I let my guard down and would tell someone what we were considering, and they said something critical or mean! So now I'm even more gun-shy to tell anybody this time around. Its already hard enough to pick a name for a child...something so important that they will carry with them their entire life...without someone bashing the one or two good ideas you manage to come up with!

My Great Expectations (Of Myself)

2009-02-24T15:37:00.008-07:00

I am so behind once again! I have so much I want to write about, and I need to get with it soon or I'm never going to catch up. I especially need to finally post about our fabulous vacation to Hawaii in January...its been almost two months since then! I also have a lot of fun things to write about Tommy...I am always wishing I was better at writing down the little things he says and does every day, his milestones and his little habits and tendencies. He is growing up so frighteningly fast!

One thing I will say is that I am stressing out...my due date, April 22nd, is now officially less than two months away and I feel like I have SO much to do! The "nesting" instinct hits me really hard during pregnancy...I not only feel this huge urgency to do all the things to get ready for the baby, but I get this overwhelming, crazy desire to accomplish every little project I've been putting off forever, before the baby comes...organizing and filing papers, re-arranging closets, scrapbooking Thomas' photos, cleaning and organizing the basement, having a yard sale...the list goes on and on! I know 99% of it probably won't happen, and I'm trying to accept that, but it really is hard to fight this urge to just try and DO IT ALL! I remember that feeling being just as strong when I was pregnant with Thomas...even after he was born I still felt that way, like I should be able to accomplish everything perfectly along with caring for a newborn. Of course, that was ridiculous of me. I got pretty discouraged and felt pretty down when I realized it was simply impossible to "do it all." So, this time I am trying to battle against forming too high of expectations for myself. I just want to enjoy our little boy when he arrives and take the time to really soak in those first, few precious weeks of newborn-hood!

Though I'm excited, I am worrying a lot about how I won't be able to spend as much one-on-one time with Thomas after the baby arrives. It occurred to me recently that Thomas is the only child I will ever have had the chance to focus on 100%, all the time. That made me a little sad, realizing that never again will I have that opportunity. And it makes me wish I had done more fun things with Thomas while it was just him. I've never really mentioned it on my blog, because it is a little embarrassing for me, but when Thomas was around 6 months I started developing terrible back pain that stretched out over almost the next year and a half, which I eventually found out was from a badly herniated disc. It was very painful to walk around for very long periods of time, it was difficult to stand up straight a lot of the time and it made even simple things like going grocery shopping miserable for me. I'm so much better now and have been for quite some time, but it breaks my heart thinking about all the things I didn't do with Thomas during that time, just because the pain was hard to deal with...like taking him to the park and the zoo more. I will never get that time back! On top of all of my great plans, I really want to become better at exercising after this baby arrives, not just to lose weight, but also to become healthier and stronger. I never want back problems or anything to get in my way again!

So...I am a little scared about how to find the right balance in having both a newborn and a toddler, and finding a tiny slice of time for myself somewhere in there as well, but I'm hoping things will fall into place naturally and that it will be easier than I think it will. I tend to worry about things to a point that is usually far beyond what is necessary! But I can't deny the countdown is making me more anxious each day...I have 57 days to go, and maybe even less if our baby boy arrives early like Thomas. He was 12 days early! I'm going to try and remind myself repeatedly these next several weeks, to just do what I absolutely have to, then do whatever else I can, and then just let the rest be. And I am grateful to have the advantage of some hindsight this time...thinking back on my first weeks and months with Thomas, I care way more about my memories of time spent with him than I do of how clean my house was...or wasn't!

Sweet Little Baby

2009-02-09T21:20:00.007-07:00

....No, not my sweet little baby!

I am way behind on writing about this news, but we have a new niece! My oldest brother Josh and his wife Jenise welcomed their baby girl, Avarie Allene Kotter, on December 26th. She weighed 7 lbs and was 19 inches long. She is their fourth baby, and they were so excited to have another girl...they now have the perfect little family of 2 boys and 2 girls. My niece Anika, their oldest, was especially excited that she finally got a baby sister! This is the second time Jenise and I have been pregnant around the same time...Thomas and my nephew Zander(Alexander) were born just 2 1/2 months apart. When Jenise found out she was having a girl I was hoping I might be having a girl too, and was excited about us having little girls together this time around. Even though it didn't work out that way, I'm so happy our little boy will have a cousin his age to play with!

We got to meet Avarie when she was about 3 weeks old, when Josh and Jeni and the kids came up from Blanding for some meetings Josh had in Salt Lake. Avarie is so darling and I absolutely love all her beautiful dark hair! Thomas was very excited about holding her...I was a little worried about him holding her on his own, so I just let him sit next to me and help me hold her. I had to keep him from trying to tug her out of my arms a couple of times! He was so cute to watch. I was excited for him to see Avarie so he could see a little newborn baby and we could talk to him about how his baby brother would be little just like her. He seems more and more excited about having a baby brother the more we talk about it, and I am sure he will be a great big brother! Holding Avarie got me excited too, about the time when I will have my own tiny little newborn to hold and rock again!

Congratulations Josh & Jeni!

A Whole Lotta Christmas

2009-01-20T17:00:00.018-07:00

I have a lot to write about Christmas! So, *Warning*...long post ahead!

We spent Christmas with Ryan's family this year. His parents decided to come down to Utah from Wyoming, since 4 of their 5 children live in the Utah and Salt Lake counties, and Ryan and I invited everyone to celebrate at our house. (The only ones who couldn't make it were Melissa and Seth...we really, really missed you guys and were thinking of you all weekend!) With all the Christmas festivities happening in my own home for the first time ever, Christmas was crazy busy! And fun too, of course. =) Christmas feels long gone now, and I meant to blog about a bunch of this stuff throughout the month of December, but I just found myself with way too much to do! So here I go, finally, with all the highlights...

Santa Baby

When we first busted out all our Christmas gear in early December, Thomas was pretty excited to wear the Santa hat I got him last year. He looked so darn cute and I actually managed to get a good snapshot of him in it! Had I been ambitious enough to actually send out Christmas cards this year this would probably have been our photo!

Decoration Craze

We were really excited to decorate this year, since it was our very first Christmas in our new home. Before this year we've never been super ambitious about doing a lot of Christmas decorating, but this year we were on the total flip side! We got a gorgeous 10-foot Christmas tree for our vaulted greatroom, which turned out beautiful, but was quite the fiasco to decorate! Ryan did lots of climbing on ladders as we decorated the tree and the house, and he even rented a cherry-picker to help him put Christmas lights up outside...the first time we've ever done exterior lights. It was quite a big job and he did awesome, and I'm so mad at myself because, after all his ambition, I failed to take a photo of the finished product! Thomas was pretty fascinated with the big machine daddy was riding on to put up the lights. We let Thomas take one quick ride up in the cherry picker with Daddy...I thought he would freak out, but he loved it! He also loved decorating the Christmas tree, especially putting on lots and lots of bulbs and glittery pinecones! We had a hard time keeping him off the ladders we were using. He always wants to be just like daddy!

I had a lot of fun seeing the inside of my new home thoroughly decorated, for any reason, for the first time. I haven't been really ambitious about decorating it yet (not a single picture is hanging on my walls!), so Christmas was a great excuse to pull out all the stops. For the first 5-6 Christmases of our marriage I used all the decorations from our December wedding reception, which were all white and gold, but this year and last I've started collecting a lot more Christmas things with red and gold, especially anything with poinsettias. I loved how festive all the red was in our new house! It was also wonderful to finally have a fireplace to hang the stockings I made us for Thomas' first Christmas in 2006...my one and only ever sewing project!

Seeing Santa

We went back to the University Mall, where I used to work in the management office, to see Santa again this year. Its fun because they've had the same Santa every year since Thomas has been going. Once again, Thomas was a champ! The last two years he was completely fine with sitting on Santa's lap, and I was really thinking this would be the year he would cry or freak out. But I was surprised again! He was great about it and just very curious about this cool little wonderland Santa got to hang out in. He sat on Santa's lap long enough to get a cute photo, but he was really interested in riding the rocking horse Santa had, or playing with a toy soccer ball of the photographer's. I eventually had to usher him away because he was obviously happy just hanging out there, and there were other kids and parents waiting! But he was pretty pleased with the butterscotch sucker Santa gave him before we left. Its really fun looking at his photos with Santa and seeing how he's grown over the years.

Handsome Lads

The Sunday before Christmas I dressed Thomas up in a special holiday outfit for church, and Ryan wore his black suit with a festive red tie. They both looked so handsome! I had almost decided I was too lazy to look for a Christmas-y church outfit for Tommy, but during some last minute shopping where I was not at all looking for clothing, I happened across this really cute set that was just his size. He looked so dapper! (love that word!)

The Night Before Christmas...

On Christmas Eve, Ryan's mom Kathy made the traditional Laidlaw meal of her clam chowder, apple cider, and some foccacia bread. The food was fabulous! Later we read the Christmas story aloud from the Bible and then opened one gift each, which are traditions in both my family and Ryan's. Thomas didn't understand why he had to stop at just one gift! Then we all hung out and visited until most people went home or to whoever's house they were staying at to sleep. As for myself, I was up very late and didn't get too much sleep at all until it was actually Christmas morning...I had waaaaaaaaay too many things left to do!

Cookies!

Kathy also had the fun idea to have the first-ever "Laidlaw Family Cookie Exchange" on Christmas Eve. Everyone made their own favorite kind of cookies and we all gorged ourselves on them all weekend! I made sugar cookies on my own for the very first time...I always loved eating my Mom's sugar cookies at Christmas when I was growing up, so I finally got around to making some myself! Thomas had a lot of fun helping me...I bought a big ole set of cookie cutters and he helped me cut the dough into stars, bells, trees, trains, candy canes, and teddy bears, and then he went to town helping me decorate them, mostly by dumping on lots and lots and lots of sprinkles! When I was all finished I was happy that the cookies actually ended up turning out pretty good!

Definitely a WHITE Christmas!

November and most of December didn't give us much snow, so I was starting to worry we wouldn't get the White Christmas I was hoping for.....boy, was I wrong! The week before Christmas we were literally dumped on! There was so much snow the city plowers weren't keeping up very well, and family members got stuck several times driving up the hill to our house! Other than that, I was so happy...I don't particularly love winter or the cold, but I always say that I simply must have snow at Christmastime. I was up in the wee hours of Christmas morning, and the sight of the snowy valley in the early morning light was really beautiful. And Christmas day eventually turned into a total whitewash...we couldn't see hardly anything at all! So I definitely got my White Christmas!

Thomas had a great time going out to play the first time after it really snowed. He would have stayed out there all day if I would have let him! He also loved going on a fun four-wheeler ride in the snow with Daddy.

The Big Day

I was really excited about Thomas' Christmas gift from Santa this year...a classic train table with wooden tracks and cars. They have one of these set up that kids can play with at Toys'R'Us and Thomas absolutely loved that thing! Ryan put the table together, but I was the one who set up all the tracks and trains and everything, which took me way longer than it would have for Ryan, but was a lot of fun for me. We had it all set up by the tree for Thomas and I put a big red bow on it...I couldn't wait for him to walk out and see it on Christmas morning. When he came out to see it, he didn't jump up and down or shriek with joy like I had hoped, but he of course rushed right over to it and played with it all morning! Ryan's parents were the only ones sleeping at our house Christmas Eve, and we didn't want to begin opening gifts until everyone arrived later Christmas morning, so that was the only new thing Thomas was playing with for a few hours. I was so happy to see how much he enjoyed it, and he continues to play with it a lot every day!

When everyone arrived we had a delicious breakfast of Kathy's breakfast casseroles (egg/bacon/sausage/hash browns and caramel french toast...mmmm) and then went to town opening the big stack of presents and filling the great room with wrapping paper! It was a lot of fun, but in a way I am always sad when that beautiful pile of wrapped gifts isn't under the tree anymore. Everyone got lots of great stuff and of course Thomas and Julia, the only two Laidlaw grandchildren so far, got more stuff than anyone! It was fun to see them excited about all their new things, although Thomas was so distracted after just a couple of gifts to play with that I really had to open a lot of his for him.

We spent the rest of the day doing lots of cooking, cooking, cooking! Kathy was head chef of the day and everyone else was working incredibly hard too...I am not the most experienced cook in the world, and definitely not with holiday meals, so I was glad to help in whatever ways I could, but was more than happy to turn my kitchen over to more capable hands! The Christmas feast turned out fabulous...we had a giant spread with turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, frog eye casserole, my all time favorite potato rolls, and for later of course, lots of pies: pumpkin, pecan, coconut cream and apple. We ate til we could eat no more and of course had lots of leftovers for the next several days! (That's the great thing about holiday meals...they take a looooong time to prepare, but they often feed you for much longer than one meal or one day!)

After the Big Day

Some people had to work the day after Christmas and Ryan and his brother went snowboarding, while a bunch of the rest of us decided to hit the after-Christmas sales! I got Thomas and I all ready to go out with the shopping party, and then right before we were going to leave, he threw up. Poor little Julia had actually been sick and throwing up the day or two before that, so I was afraid maybe Thomas had caught a bug, and so I decided not to go out shopping after all. So...Tommy and I had a quiet day at home, just the two of us. I was both glad and a little disappointed when he ended up being totally fine and happy the rest of the day...I was glad he wasn't getting full-on sick, but sad that I had missed out on more time with the fam. Oh well!

Ryan's parents had to head home the Saturday after Christmas and the rest of the party departed back to their own houses too...it was so strange being in our quiet house, just us three again! I think Thomas was wondering where all his buddies had gone! We had a great Christmas with everyone. And one thing's for sure...we were left with lots and LOTS of food to eat!

(**Sorry about the ridiculously long, photo-packed post! If you actually read that whole thing, I'm impressed!**)

The Bump!

2008-12-28T14:56:00.005-07:00

I've been meaning to post this "baby bump" photo for awhile now...it was taken Dec. 8th, so its not really recent anymore, but its pretty much the only one I've taken so far! I was just short of 21 weeks at the time and I'm now 23 1/2 weeks (a bit over 5 months along). This little boy is just a-growing and I'm feeling a lot more nudges and kicks now! Except for a bladder that's a bit cramped, I'm feeling great and full of energy, and am really loving the second trimester right now. It really does seem that this pregnancy is passing by quickly. For that reason I am already dreading the last couple of months, probably because this time I know what to expect! I'm really hoping my poor feet don't swell up into giant sausages this time around!

2,557 Days

2008-12-15T14:51:00.003-07:00

That's 7 years of marriage! One week ago, on December 8th, Ryan and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. It really is amazing to me how that much time has passed...in one way, it seems there's no way its been that long already and that the time has just flown, but in another way, it feels like its been much longer than that! It blows me away to think that in just a few short years we will have been married for a decade!

Our anniversary was on a Monday, but Ryan took a half day off of work and my mom stayed with Thomas so Ryan and I could go on a much-needed date! Amazingly enough, we spent some of our time going shopping...quite unusual for Ryan, as he usually avoids shopping like the plague! But we both had a good time...first we went to a discount art gallery where we bought a beautiful painting for our great room, then we went to Michael's to get some Christmas decor. Amazing as it is that my husband was willing to go to a craft store, we've both just been really excited about decorating for this first Christmas in our new home!

After shopping we went to dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant, the Macaroni Grill. It was a real treat to go to that specific restaurant, because we never do anymore...it feels a little more fancy to me than a lot of other restaurants, and I can't ever bring myself to take Thomas there. Even though we sometimes do go to sit-down restaurants with him along, he's not exactly a little gentleman while we're there, as I'm sure you other toddler mom's can relate! So it was wonderful to go to one of our favorite places and enjoy the food and atmosphere, just the two of us.

After thoroughly stuffing ourselves we went to see the movie "Australia," and we both absolutely loved it. Its a fabulous, sweeping epic, and I thought it was the perfect date movie...it has both action and romance, and the historical elements of the movie were extremely interesting. I highly recommend it!

It was a wonderful day spent celebrating and remembering the day our life together started. Thank you Ryan, for loving me and putting up with me all these years! Here's to 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 (and so on...) more! I love you!

A Pink or Blue Bundle of Joy?

2008-12-03T16:10:00.006-07:00

The verdict is in, its a BABY BOY!!!

Little Mister was not shy at all during his ultrasound yesterday! The technician was only a minute or so into the ultrasound...I don't think she was even looking for the gender yet...and she suddenly said "Oh - did you see that?" And immediately I knew she meant it was a boy! Ryan and I both kinda thought deep-down it was going to be a boy, and we are very excited! Everything else on the ultrasound looked good too, which is wonderful to know.

We are so excited to be the parents of two little boys! We have absolutely loved having a boy the first time around, and having two will be wonderful and lots of fun (though I'm sure, exhausting at times!)! I'm so excited about Tommy having a little brother to pal around with, and I love thinking about Ryan with his two little guys...rough-housing, doing all the boy stuff, riding dirtbikes together in the far-off future, stuff like that. Even though I said I was hoping for a girl, I'm very happy I get to be the mommy of another sweet little boy! Awhile back, shortly after Thomas was born, I used to say I wanted to have two boys in a row first (that's how it is in both my family and Ryan's). It will be great having two big brothers in the family to take care of all their siblings, like scaring off their future sister's boyfriends...haha! =)

My mom watched Thomas during the appointment, and when we saw him afterward and told him he was going to have a baby brother, his first response was a loud "NO!" which made us laugh. But, I still don't know if he completely grasps the concept. Even though I'm sure it will take some adjusting on his part, I think Thomas will be a great big brother!

After the appointment we went out to eat to celebrate. I wanted to go to Los Hermanos, a Mexican restaurant whose food I love and have craved like crazy during my pregnancy, and bless his heart, Ryan humored me and we went there, even though he doesn't particularly love it. Thank you honey!

So now I'm going to get out all of Thomas' baby clothes and have fun getting everything ready! I never really took much time to organize Thomas' old clothes and store them in tubs or anything...I actually have piles and piles of the clothes and shoes he's grown out of filling the shelves in his closet! Now I don't feel guilty at all for not having taken the time to store them away! And, I may just spoil myself a little and buy a few new things, just for fun. =)

On to the naming game! I have some names left over from when we were pregnant with Thomas, but I get a little stressed about choosing a name and need some more ideas. I'm one of those people who has to wait to see the baby before I can possibly decide on a name. I always fear that once I see the baby, none of the names I've thought of will fit, and we'll be sitting in the hospital, needing to leave, trying to decide on a name! Thankfully that didn't happen with Thomas...he was named almost immediately after his birth and Ryan and I both knew that he was definitely a Thomas! I hope it happens as easily this time around. =)

Also, I am exactly 20 weeks along today...halfway! This pregnancy seems to be going really quickly to me so far. I hope it continues to go quickly once I hit the third trimester! I'm excited to feel the baby kicking now, even though its just here and there and not consistent at all yet. Every time I stop and hold still to feel it, he stops of course! Feeling those little movements is probably my favorite part of being pregnant.

Though I'm nervous about the challenges of becoming a parent of two, I'm excited for the day when we'll have a new little son in our home!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-03T14:18:00.002-07:00

We spent Thanksgiving with my parents here in Utah County this year. One of the biggest things that I was grateful for was that every single one of my brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews were there! That doesn't happen much anymore and it was great to have all of us together (even if my Mom & Dad's house was a bit crazy and noisy!).

My brother Travis got home from his 4-month trip to Brazil the Friday before Thanksgiving, which was especially nice because he had originally planned to stay until right before Christmas. He served as a missionary in Brazil and returned home in March 2007, so it was interesting to welcome him back a second time! He came home with some crazy long, curly hair that I thought was pretty cool, but he's chopped it all off already.

Ryan, Thomas and I mostly spent the whole week at my parents house in Spanish Fork since everyone else was staying there, but a couple days before Thanksgiving we had everyone over for a barbecue at our house, since some of my siblings hadn't seen our new home yet. The boys got all geared up and went four-wheeling in the hills across the street from our house, and Thomas had a great time playing with his cousins.

Its always so fun watching Thomas buddy around with all his cousins (Anika-7, Aiden-4, Ciara-4, Zander-2, Dalin-1). He was in heaven with so many kids to play with every day, and even though there was a bit of bickering that went on at times, the kids were all so cute together. Ryan is so cute with his nieces and nephews too! For some reason, he's the uncle the kids like to climb all over. I love the photo of him holding four of them all at once!

On Thanksgiving Day we had a fabulous feast of turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes & gravy, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, rolls, frog eye salad and snickers salad, and then later we of course followed all that up with pumpkin, cherry and apple pie! We had a fabulous time stuffing ourselves and then sitting around talking, watching the kids play and just being with family. My Grandma & Grandpa Kotter were able to come down from Logan to join us on Thanksgiving Day and it was wonderful to see them...though they only live two hours from me, I don't see them nearly as often as I should! They are sweet, wonderful people and I love spending time with them. I kept trying to teach Thomas to say "Great-Grandpa" or "Great-Grandma" but he mostly just stuck with calling them "Grandpa" or "Grandma." It was still cute!

My Mom & Dad's 33rd wedding anniversary was several days before Thanksgiving, and for a gift all of us siblings and siblings-in-law wrote some memories and letters that we compiled into a book to give to my parents. We had fun reading out loud from the book after Thanksgiving dinner and remembering lots of funny and touching stories from the years of our childhood, and also from the years since our spouses have joined the Kotter family. It was a great way to celebrate Thanksgiving and I am so grateful for my parents and all my family!

It was also my brother Jared's 13th birthday on Thanksgiving Day this year. Its so crazy that he is a teenager now...I was 13 when he was born! We had a birthday cake for him on top of all the pie, and he got his first Ipod, which he was pretty stoked about.

It was a great week! The only sad thing was the way it ended...Thomas ended up getting a 24-hour stomach flu the last day everyone was here, which was eventually passed on to me, and has now been passed on to Ryan! So that hasn't been fun. But I'm just grateful the sickness missed us during Thanksgiving, and that we were able to have an enjoyable, memorable time together with all of our family!

Twilight!

2008-11-26T20:32:00.005-07:00

I've been in such huge anticipation of the Twilight movie for so long, and when it opened last Friday night my waiting finally came to an end! I went with my sisters-in-law Sara, Hayley and Fabiana and we had an awesome girls' night out. We ate at the Olive Garden beforehand, went to see the movie (where we were joined by my brother-in-law Jon....YAY for open-minded men!) and then we went to Village Inn to get dessert and gab about the movie afterward. It was a fabulous night!

After seeing the movie, it felt a little bit like Christmas was over! I had been looking forward to it so long, I didn't really know what to do with myself. My answer? See the movie again! On the following Monday I went with my mom and brother Zane (yay for men again!) and his wife Amber, none of whom had seen it yet. I enjoyed it just as much if not more the second time, because I could really pay attention to the little details.

All around, I can definitely say I loved the movie! I went into it basically having made the decision to try and look at it as just a movie, and not judge it too harshly in comparison to the book. I knew it would be hard not to knitpick, and I forced myself to accept beforehand that the movie would probably differ greatly from the book in many ways.

However...even though I've been trying not to knitpick, that doesn't mean that I don't! I definitely have my qualms about some things in the movie. There were lots of important little details or lines from the book that I wish they would have included in the movie somehow...many I think would have been rather easy to include. The more I think about the missing elements, the more I come up with, and the more unhappy I get. So, I'm trying not to dwell on them. I still loved the movie, as a movie. It stayed true to the most essential elements of the story, and I really enjoyed myself while watching it, and that's what counts!

Now I'm looking forward impatiently to the time they will release the DVD! I hope it has lots of extras and any scenes they cut out (I personally thought the movie was a tad short and that they could have gotten away with making it a bit longer). And I'm very excited about the next movie, New Moon. That was my least favorite book of the four, but I am actually really looking forward to seeing how they spin it into a movie. I didn't get into the Twilight books until just this last summer, right before the last book came out, so I really kind of missed all the hype and frenzy surrounding the release of the all the books. So, I guess I'm compensating by obsessing over the movies now! If you know me, I've always been obsessed with movies anyway. =)

And I might not be able to wait for the DVD...I may just have to go see Twilight one more time before it goes out of theaters!

"Thomas, What Are You Gonna Be?"

2008-11-07T22:55:00.008-07:00

"A BIG BROTHER!!!"

Yep, its true! This is a game we play around our house a lot lately, as we are expecting Baby #2! Our families have known for quite some time and we have leaked the news to a few of our friends, but I am finally getting around to making the "public announcement." We are very excited about becoming a family of four! Baby Laidlaw is set to make his or her debut on or around April 22, 2009. I turned 16 weeks this past week, which puts me right around 4 months along. I am very happy to be past the first trimester and done with feeling nauseous and tired a lot of the time...although, I can't complain too much, as it wasn't too terribly bad and could definitely have been a lot worse! My pregnancy thus far has been very similar to my pregnancy with Thomas...the sickness was about the same, and my cravings have been very similar too...I'm all about hearty, meaty foods and cheese! (Statement from my last entry: "Chili is one of my big things right now." Same thing with Thomas!) I have lots of fun theorizing on what gender we will be having, but its a little torturous as well, because I have no intuitive feelings about it at all! With Thomas I was absolutely sure he was a boy from the very start...I always thought my first child would be a son. This time I'm on the complete flip-side...I am clueless! But my anticipation will soon come to an end, as our ultrasound is scheduled for December 2nd. I can hardly wait! I will admit that I'm hoping for a girl...whenever I go to any store and stray toward the baby section I drool over all things pink and girly! It would be great to even up the teams in our house. =) But, I will be 100% thrilled and happy if its another boy...I would love Thomas to have a little brother for a buddy, and I have certainly loved having a boy the first time around! And, like every mother says, really all I want is a healthy baby. Either way, I am just incredibly impatient to know for sure! Let's just hope this little one is not shy during the ultrasound. =)

Its been fun talking to Thomas about the baby. Whenever we play the "What are you gonna be?" game, he usually throws his arms in the air like he's celebrating a touchdown and shouts his answer! Sometimes he whispers it. Its so cute! We talk to him about a baby being in mommy's tummy, how the baby will come to live with us in the house, etc., but I'm not sure he completely grasps the idea yet. The shirt he's wearing in the pictures was part of the way we broke the news to Ryan. I put the shirt on Thomas and decided to wait however long it took for Ryan to notice what it said when he got home from work that day. I thought Ryan would notice it right away, but 5 minutes went by, he hadn't noticed, and I was so excited I didn't have any patience at all! So I clued him in, saying, "Do you notice anything different about Thomas?" After assessing whether Thomas had a new hair cut, he finally saw the shirt. He was thrilled! (Although, based on circumstances, he kind of already knew and suspected, so it wasn't a giant surprise for him. But it was still fun though!) We are both looking forward to being the mommy and daddy of another sweet little newborn!

I am planning on being better with the whole "baby bump photos" thing this time around, since realizing I have only one or two good photos of me pregnant with Thomas. I didn't think I would want photos of my ballooning self that first time around, but I totally regret it now! As soon as I enlist someone besides me to handle the camera and I get a decent pic, I will post it.

So here's to the countdown! April seems like a long time from now, but I know the months will fly by. Hopefully, if nothing else, those last hard months will! =) I can't wait to meet my new son or daughter!

Our Halloween Hullaballoo

2008-11-04T23:20:00.003-07:00

We had a fun, jam-packed week leading up to Halloween this year! (And this is also a long, jam-packed entry!)

On Tuesday night we headed over to the Halloween "Trunk-or-Treat" at our church to collect some candy! It was the first time I suited Tommy up completely in his Peter Pan costume and he looked positively adorable! (Funny side note: When I told my 12-year-old brother Jared that Thomas was going to be Peter Pan for Halloween, he didn't seem to think that was a good idea. He said in protest, "You're going to dress him up as a girl?!" We then argued about how Peter Pan, the character, is very much a boy, who used to be and sometimes still is played by women onstage. Jared finally conceded, but then said, "But are you making him wear tights?" I totally laughed when I realized his true concern. So please note: There were no tights involved!) When Thomas woke up from his nap before the trunk-or-treat, he was actually quite grumpy and threw a little tantrum, refusing to let me put on his costume at first. I didn't want to drag him there if he was screaming and unhappy about it, so I was afraid we were just going to have to nix it. But, after I bribed him with a mini chocolate bar from our Halloween stash and promised him we would be getting more candy and there would be lots of kids there, I managed to get him into his costume and into the car. Once we got there he was totally over the grumpiness...he was so intrigued by all these crazy characters walking around he just stared around in curiosity and amazement! As we went from car to car and each person offered him candy, he was very shy and hesitant about it, almost like he was thinking "Really? You're all really just going to give me candy? Mom hardly ever gives me candy!" It was very cute. A lot of people there thought he was Robin Hood, and it didn't even occur to me that he looked very much like Robin Hood as well as Peter Pan. Either way, he looked so cute! One sad thing was that Ryan had to work late that night and wasn't able to come with us. We missed having you there Daddy!

After we got home, Thomas was all about checking out his loot. I felt so bad when it was time to take his Halloween bucket away and tell him he couldn't have any more candy for now. I'm not a super strict mom when it comes to what Thomas eats, but he has never consumed very much candy at once...I didn't want to wind up with a sick, miserable kid! I also felt guilty because his already-small candy stash was diminished by pretty much half after I went through it and took out all the gumballs, jaw-breakers, and bubblegum that I didn't feel comfortable with him having. Poor guy! He gets all these goodies only to have Mom take 'em away! (Its really okay though...he definitely made up for it in the course of the week. We had TONS of candy at our house! =)

On Wednesday we headed over to a nearby park to play and have an outdoor costume photoshoot that I've made into a little tradition since Thomas was born. I love where we live now, but the one thing I will always miss about where we lived in Provo was the park that was only half a block away. It was right next to the Provo river and was filled with dozens of giant, beautiful old trees that were simply gorgeous in the fall and provided lots of fun leaves for autumn photos. We live close to a park here in Saratoga as well, but our subdivision is much newer and there are only tiny, brand new trees. I wanted to go somewhere with at least some larger trees and leaves to take photos of Thomas and I almost decided to drive into Provo to go to our old park, but Ryan told me about one park in the area that was right next to the lake and had a few enormous old Cottonwood trees. We found it and it was perfect! One of the trees even had a little door leading to Peter Pan's hideout! Some acquaintances from our ward happened to be at the park when we arrived...Fawn and her son Kylin and little girl Darlin. Kylin and Thomas made friends in church one day when they sat behind us...Kylin was so nice and kept offering Thomas his toys! Kylin is 5, three years older than Thomas, but they are so cute together and had a great time running around the playground and in the trees. Thomas kept wanting to climb the trees or have me lift him up to sit in a tree or something...it was so cute, but I kept worrying he would fall! I don't think I could've gotten photos of his tree-climbing without Fawn there! I found out that she used to work as a photographer and she tried to help me with Thomas a bit so I could get some good photos. It was hard chasing him around with the camera, but I managed to get some cute shots of my little Peter Pan. =)

On Thursday night we carved pumpkins! I always get excited about pumpkin carving...it was a big event for me and my brothers growing up. I tried to get Thomas to help scoop out the "pumpkin guts," but when he looked at what I was pulling out of there he thought it was "gwoss!" He had fun playing with the scoops and tools, though...he's all about tools these days. I showed him some pumpkin face designs I found and asked him which one he wanted to do, and he liked a Mickey Mouse design. I thought it looked easy, but boy, was I wrong! I ended up staying up late after both the boys went to bed just to finish it, and I didn't even carve my own pumpkin til the next day! Tommy's pumpkin turned out very cute, but I was sad because the very next day, Mickey Mouse's face was already starting to shrivel up a bit and I had to try and secure it with toothpicks. No more difficult designs for me! When I finally got around to my own pumpkin, I carved an uber-easy pattern! Guess which one it is? ;)

Friday, Halloween, was party-day! My sisters-in-law Sara and Hayley and I decided we wanted to have a Halloween party with some of our fam, and we had it at my house. We just thought, adults can't trick-or-treat, and none of us ever did something especially fun or eventful on Halloween. So we decided to change that! The whole week before Halloween I was running around like a crazy woman helping get ready for the par-tay! It turned out awesome. 4 of Ryan's 5 siblings and their spouses came (we missed you, Melissa & Seth & Mom & Dad!) and my mom, dad and brother Jared came too. We had a fun time taking photos of everybody, listening to Halloween-y music, eating, watching Thomas and his cousin Julia run around together, and watching Hocus Pocus (love that movie!). The food was excellent...Sara brought home-made chili (mmmmmm...chili is one of my big things right now) and sugar cookies, Hayley & Eric brought pumpkin bread, and I made apple cider for the first time ever! There was also chips n' salsa, apple slices with caramel and candy galore! (Seriously...I went way overboard on the candy. And we only got, maybe, four sets of trick-or-treaters! I need to get rid of the stuff. Any suggestions other than ingestion? Can you give candy to a food bank? =)

When I was shopping for the party I came across a fun, no mess idea for an activity for Thomas and Julia. I found a set of these cute plastic eyes, ears and noses with pegs that were made to stick into a pumpkin to make animal faces with, kind of like Mr. Potato-head. I got four little pumpkins just for Thomas and Julia to make faces on, and they loved it! They had lots of fun making the dog, cat, bear and pig faces...my brother Jared joined in too (he's great with kids) and came up with a few crazy weird faces! Thomas is still having fun making "pumpkin faces" several days later...its so nice that I can keep them for future Halloweens!

Okay, I have to devote a paragraph to my hubby. Ryan does not like dressing up for Halloween, and I've never been able to get him to do it in any previous year of our marriage. But somehow, miraculously, this year he agreed to wear a costume without much pushing from me. I was amazed! I had a certain costume suggestion for him and he went with it completely. And I mean, COMPLETELY. This is a miracle people...witness for yourselves! Introducing.......

CAPTAIN HOOK!

Does he not look awesome? You can barely recognize him! I can't even tell you gleeful I was when I saw Ryan's finished transformation. I kept having these fits of giggles every time I looked at him! He not only put on the full costume with the hook, but he painted his hair and eyebrows black, wore a long, curly black wig, wore mascara to make his eyelashes black and put on a fake black mustache! And this was all really mostly his idea! When he agreed to the costume I wasn't going to push my luck and ask him to wear a wig too, but a couple days before Halloween he asked, "aren't you going to get me a wig?" I am simply amazed people! Everybody else at the party was stunned that Ryan dressed up so thoroughly, or at all! One of the activities of our party was a costume contest where everybody voted for their favorite costume, and Ryan won by a longshot! The prize was nothing terribly exciting...just a gift card to Walmart. And Ryan, well...he doesn't particularly love Walmart. I probably would have ended up being the one to spend it! So Ryan was nice enough to relinquish his prize to the runner-up, who happened to be Julia, the adorable midnight fairy! Make sure your mom and dad buy you something fun Julia! =)

It was cute when Thomas first saw Ryan. I think he was a little bit worried, even though he knew it was daddy. Ryan said something like "Argh, I've got ye now, Peter Pan!" and even though Ryan was just playing, I think it scared Thomas a tiny bit...Thomas said a little defensively, "No, I'n Peter Pan!" I think Ryan just looked so real as Captain Hook! I was so giddy about Ryan giving in to his childish side for an evening. And I think he really enjoyed dressing up too! He looked so awesome, I have to say I was a little envious! When he got too hot he took off the hat and wig and mustache, but his hair and eyebrows were painted black still, so I got to see a dark-haired version of my hubby a lot of the evening. He looked kinda cute! It was funny, everyone kept saying how weird it was to look at Ryan with dark hair and how they kept thinking he was some stranger! I dressed up too, as Tiger Lily, the indian princess from the Peter Pan story. Kinda funny...Ryan was Cap'n Hook, his wife was Tiger Lily, our son was Peter Pan...now there's an interesting storyline you never heard before! =)

The party was a great success and I was so glad when all the preparations were done and we all just got to enjoy it and par-tay! I'm a total stress case when involved in planning any kind of gathering. Most of Ryan's siblings stayed way past midnight, and Thomas didn't get put to bed until 2 am!!! Ryan and I didn't wake up til 11 (a record for him, he never sleeps in) and Thomas didn't wake up til 11:30! It was nice to relax on Saturday and recover. Halloween week was so much fun but way more busy and crazy than usual! Now I can't believe that its November. I am very much looking forward to the holidays coming our way! =)