Early Morning Thoughts

At about 4 am this morning Jacob woke up for probably the 4th or 5th time since bedtime.

Though my littlest still does not sleep through the night anyway, he had shots at the doctor yesterday afternoon and I think they were not providing for the best night's sleep.

As I fed him, he started fiddling with my fingers. I just sat looking at those tiny fingers next to mine, and I thought about how very sweet my baby boy is. I always think he is sweet, but I had one of those moments of overwhelming love...the love you always feel for your children but that sometimes hits you in highly concentrated doses and makes you feel particularly content.

I thought how nice it was to be needed.

So much of the time I am racing through the day, trying to take care of the children's needs as quickly as possible so as to move on to other tasks...sometimes I forget to stop and bask in the glow of the blessing it really is to be needed, so much , by a little someone. By two little someones!

Right now their world is small, and I am such a big and important part of that world. Not a day goes by that they don't need me, greatly. With each passing year their world will grow and grow, and my part in it will fade, bit by bit. They'll start to find a thousand other things in their lives to devote their attention to, and eventually their need for me will be all but gone. Someday they will even be gone. And then, where there was once a busy, messy, noisy household with needy children that often tired out or frustrated a young mother, a quiet, tidy, childless house will have taken its place, and in it will sit a woman who is just anxiously waiting for phone calls. I try to remind myself of that all the time, especially on the hard days...I think, "These are the days I will miss someday."

I want to make more room for that kind of contented-ness in my life...I want to carve out more moments in the day where that overwhelming warmth of love can settle in and melt away the anxiety of constantly trying to complete a to-do list which will never truly be done, anyway! Someday my sons will be men, but right now they are my babies. I want to hold onto the moments with them as carefully and lovingly as I can, for I know that all too soon, in years that seem like seconds, these days will be gone forever.