Baby Days (Part 2)

I didn't really finish my last post, and I really didn't get around to writing as much about what I wanted to write about...Jacob! He is a sweet little baby. In spite of all the new challenges, I really am loving having a little newborn again. I still feel remnants of "nesting syndrome" and I'm always tempted to try and rush to get things done while Jacob is sleeping, but I often have a hard time resisting not just sitting there and holding him to my chest for a long time while he sleeps, all tiny and curled up. That's one of the things I enjoy most about having a newborn, is how small and cuddly they are. He's 2 weeks and 2 days old today, and even though that is still so young and new, it scares me. I am already panicking about how fast he is growing and changing. I know he will pass out of this phase so quickly, so I'm trying to soak it all up while I can. I even love the sound of his cries...not that I love it when he cries, but I just love the newborn cry. Its so sweet and innocent and helpless, and everything about it just activates the instinct in you to want to hold and comfort and nurture that tiny little infant.

I'm really excited because I took Jacob to get some professional photos taken last Friday, when he was just a day shy of 2 weeks old. I have to wait 2 weeks to get a CD with all the edited photos back, but I saw a lot of the shots as she took them and they were just gorgeous. I am so excited to have some photos of my beautiful baby boy in this fleeting stage of his life, especially because its something I didn't do with Thomas, and have always regretted. We also didn't have a camcorder when Thomas was born, and we didn't get one until he was about 5 months old, so I can't go back and watch him when he was a little newborn. This time around I am feeling so anxious to document as much as I can of these first precious weeks!

I feel like Jacob's been a relatively easy baby so far...well, easy for a newborn anyway! He's not fussy or colicky at all, at least not so far, and I'm so grateful. Thomas was such a mellow, easy baby all-around, and I told myself that I was probably going to be in for it when we had our second baby! But that hasn't been the case at all. (So far. I keep telling myself that. Knock on wood!) Jacob does eat a lot!!! I know newborns eat very frequently, but sometimes it seems Jacob wants to nurse unusually frequently...I sometimes feel like I'm nursing him twice an hour! And with that comes a lot of messy diapers...I can barely keep this kid in a clean diaper, and I'm always shocked when I go to change him and he's only wet! But its nice to know that he's definitely getting enough to eat, and I'm glad that he's healthy and growing. He actually had his 2-week doctor's appointment today, the first one since the pediatrician saw him at the hospital (And it was my first time out of the house, alone, with both kids. Oy. More on that later.). Today Jacob was 9 lbs 11 oz (he weighed 9 lbs even at birth) and measured 22 in (he was 21 inches at birth). That puts him in the XXth percentile for weight and the XXth percentile for height. So he's already above average! I'm curious to see how Jacob grows, and if he'll be a giant kid like his big brother. His nurse practicioner said that Jacob's weight gain was great and that he was doing very well. That's what a momma wants to hear! The only thing I feel sad about is the poor little guy has a clogged tear duct in one eye, so he develops a lot of gunk or drainage in that eye and I have to clean it really regularly. The CNP said that its relatively common and should clear up on its own sometime between 2 and 12 months. I just feel bad for Jacob because I'm always having to mess with his eye and clean it, and sometimes, especially after he wakes up, he has so much stuff it makes it hard for him to open his eye all the way! I'm hoping it does go away on its own because the CNP did say that on some occasions you have to take the baby to an eye specialist and they'll insert something into the duct to open it up...that scares me! So I hope that won't have to happen.

A funny note about Jacob's dirtying a lot of diapers...a lot of the time when he goes poo it is SO LOUD! I say he "squelches." Its so loud and juicy-sounding (forgive me, but its so funny and I want to remember!) that I'm convinced that when I go to change his diaper he will have totally blown out, or the poo will just start flowing out like lava. But often there's very little there! So weird. I have to say, newborn poo is nothing compared to changing the diapers of a toddler who eats the same diet as I do. Ew. I really need to get Thomas potty-trained!

Ever since Jacob arrived, Thomas just looks huge to me. I mean, I've always known he was a big kid and that he's growing up so fast, but now, with a newborn, I look at Thomas and I'm almost surprised by what a little giant he is! It seems like it wasn't that long ago at all when Tommy was my little newborn and I was just trying to figure the whole mom thing out. Before I know it, Thomas will be in school, Jacob will be Thomas' age and I'll again be saying, "Where'd my little newborn go?"

One thing I'm hugely grateful for is that Jacob seems to have adjusted to the idea that nighttime is for sleeping. He definitely wakes up during the night to nurse, but he usually sleeps longer stretches at night than he does during the day, and after I feed him he usually goes right back to sleep. This is all complete luck on my part...I really haven't done anything to establish a regular schedule or sleep-pattern with him yet. I'm hoping that he will continue to be a good sleeper at night! That's one area I was expecting to be in for it this time around, because Thomas has always been a great sleeper. Thomas slept through the night at 5 months and has continued to do so ever since, except for maybe a few interruptions when he was teething. I hope my luck holds out! Watch, my first two kids will be totally easy, mellow babies, and then my third will be an absolute monster. =)

I still need to get around to writing down Jacob's birth story. It was kind of interesting, and everything happened quite quickly. Let's just say, I cut it a little bit close for Ryan's comfort!

May 13th

Here I am two days later. I seriously think it will be impossible for me to ever finish a post in one sitting!

So about my first-time-out-of-the-house-alone-with-both-kids excursion. I had been feeling relatively, somewhat, sort-of confident about my ability to handle 2 kids until I left the house with both of them, alone, for the first time, to go to Jacob's first doctor appointment on Monday. I figured going to a Doctor's appointment would be a pretty low-stress place to try out being alone with them, since it wouldn't be crazy busy like a huge store where we would be surrounded by tons of people. Plus, a pediatrician's office would of course be very kid-friendly. Alas, it was a hard day for me. I left the Doctor's office feeling very depressed, wondering if I would ever be able to go anywhere more difficult, like a store or a mall with both kids in tow. Of course, my mood was probably highly influenced by the fact that poor Jacob spent the last 10 minutes of the appointment shrieking in agony while a nurse poked his heel and then spent what felt like forever squeezing drops of blood from his foot onto a sheet to be sent in and tested for diseases, all while Thomas was getting into every drawer or messing with every instrument in the exam room. Immediately after the appointment I nursed Jacob in the car and then had to get Thomas and I something to eat too. I had thought about heading to Babies 'R' Us or Target after the appointment, but everything had taken so long and I was so stressed already I simply could not bring myself to even try. It was so late that Thomas was just going to have to skip his nap altogether while we were out, and then Jacob spent 10 minutes crying in his car seat on the way home, which wasn't a really long time but was hard for me because there was little I could do to comfort him while I was driving. I drove home thinking, basically, "I may feel ok about my ability to mother two children while I'm at home, but dealing with two children while I'm out of the house is a whole other story." I am of course going to try as hard as I can to enlist Ryan's help as often as possible, usually by leaving Thomas home with him and taking Jacob with me. But there will be times I won't want to have to wait for Ryan to be done working or when I'll simply have to go somewhere when he can't help, and I dread those times. I'm especially at a loss because Thomas is horrible at staying with me if I let him walk. I very, VERY rarely let him out of the cart or stroller when we go shopping/running errands, and when I do I almost immediately regret it. He won't stay with me, no matter how seriously I talk to him about it beforehand, and no matter how much he promises me he will stay by me, he is so hard to keep a handle on! So I feel like I have to keep him contained when we're out, and that leaves me with few options. I bought a double stroller, but if I'm somewhere, i.e. grocery shopping, where I require a cart, I'll have no space to put anything if I have both a newborn in a carseat on top of the cart with a toddler in the basket, or the carseat in the basket with the toddler in the cart seat, whichever. I thought my answer could be putting Jacob in the Baby Bjorn and Thomas could sit in the cart seat, but I tried Jacob in the Bjorn the other night and he did not like it at all. I really hope that changes. I've thought about trying a sling, because he might prefer that over being upright...he often fights to be in a lying-down position when I'm holding him in an upright position, like to burp him or something. *Sigh* It all feels so complicated, I'm starting to feel like I will never be able to go shopping or to run errands again, with both kids, without it being incredibly tough. Plus, just getting ready to leave now takes quite some time, and I thought it took me a long time when I had just a toddler! Any encouragement or advice from you moms of two would be awesome...are the only two options really just being stir-crazy and cooped-up at home or stressed and pulling-my-hair-out away from home?

Anywho...I didn't mean to end this post on a negative note. But I tell myself not just to write about the things that are happy or easy or fabulous about being a mom, but the hard, everyday reality things too, because its cathartic, first of all, and also because its so nice when I'm reminded that so many other moms are in the same boat. Sometimes I look around me and think every mom on the planet has it all figured out, except me!